Mutual Enjoyment Sex Question....

[jmf]

anyone who didn't is finding out today I guess... I don't see why you're even into this with me... It seemed that we were on our way to having a friendly (if mom-joke/insult laden) conversation when you decided that I was unwilling to contribute to your community. I think you'd agree this is an unfair judgement... So what's up dave? You still hate me? Listen... I'm really really really really really really sorry I hurt your feelings. Don't like the mom jokes? that's gonna be too bad... 90% of my jokes start with "Your mom..." but I'll take it a little easy on ya... I'm not trying to piss you all off on the first day, but this is the fucking internet... you gotta have a slightly thicker skin man...

[Undertoad]

D, is your beef really that jmf posted day one about something intimate, which is rare for newbies... but didn't give us the full monty, which meant he could be just yankin' all our chains?

[Nightsong]

Well well well we have some very sensitive fucking people here. I think that jmf is better at communicating with us than he is with his S.O. You just need to sit her down do not beat around the bush (no pun intended). If you guys have been with each other as long as you have there should be some form of communication here whatever it be. If she gets pissy or anything at least you tried. There sometimes is no gentle way of sliding in your requests. If she is reasonable she should be proud you actually thought to ask instead of just going ahead with whatever it is you want. I am not putting you down or god forbid trying to offend you but being blunt more times than others is better than hinting at a suject.

[That Guy]

Get her to join the discussion. Then ask her.

[BrianR]

I will skip all the irrelevant "your mom" bullshit and the arguing.

I have forgotten more about deviant/kinky/unusual sex practices than most of you will ever know. This includes how to talk a reluctant partner into one or more of these. This is a simple fact that is not in dispute among those who know me well.

Now then, the answer can depend on wha the act is. Hate to say it but there it is. If we're talking backdoor pumping
m-->f or vice versa, there is no beating around the bush, no easy way to say it, but there is a right way and a wrong way to broach that particular subject.

If we're talking a little slap and tickle, that's easy, but full-on bondage is a different problem altogether. That requires a slow and gradual approach.

Then there is the whole horse thing. That usually requires an intimidating firearm and/or drugs and alcohol.

That all said, the general way to start the discussion is in a romantic, nonthreatening situation. Try a nice dinner out, complete with wine or drinks (just one or two to mellow her out, do NOT get her drunk!). During the coffee (or dessert) phase, try approaching the subject in a fun manner. "Don't throw her into a position of saying yes or no right away.

The idea here is to plant a seed in her mind, which will germinate and grow. The more she thinks about it and tries it out in her mind first, the less scary/intimidating/disgusting the subject at hand may be.

Women are like that. For whatever reason. Just plant the seed and change the subject, unless she wants to discuss it further. She will remember that topic and turn it over in her mind later on, maybe in the comfort of a bubble bath. Rest assured, she will not forget it. But if she comes up to you in two weeks and says "Remember what we talked about at dinner?" Well, I just can't go through with that. Then you have an answer. If, on the other hand, she wants more information, or wants to "talk" some more or flat out says "Let's go for it! Bend over baby!" You're golden.

Otherwise you may have to forget about it. If the unspeakable act you want is so important to you that you cannot go on without it, then you have a serious fetish and you need counselling...possibly marriage counselling. Wolf can better advise you on what to do in that case.

Good luck

Brian

[Jakeline]

Okay, so here's how I see it:

Option 1)
jmf is truly seeking advice, but is too ashamed / unfamiliar with folks around here / a dork to say what it is he actually wants

Option 2)
His gf is also on this board
a) jmf doesn't want to say what it is he wants because he doesn't want to embarass his gf
b) he is looking for a passive / agressive way to bring up his kink

Option 3)
He's a 14 y/o pimply faced youth (hence the idiotic "yo mama" jokes) who is just looking for a reaction

I'm thinking either Option 2b or 3.

I think one of the reasons why people are so curious as to what your kink is (besides, of course, for the amusement value) is because the advice will vary depending on what you want. I mean, asking someone to lightly tie you up is a lot different than asking someone to tie you up and beat you to a pulp.

Bottom line: Without knowing you or your gf, the best advice is what everyone has said. Talk with her. (Although, preferably not in the heat of the moment. That has "bad idea" written all over it. )

UT - Two things. One, you and I (and most people that have been here more than a few months) know that I was posting my guesses in a joking manner. I personally don't care what other people are doing.

Then he seemed to get bent out of shape, like there was no joking to be allowed - and there was no way he was going to share what was going on.

Which is fine, but how many people have we had come here and ask for something on their first post without offering anything back? How many of them are still here a month later?

I don't care about chains being yanked, because Christ knows I fuck around with people enough (see example earlier in thread). I fully expect that he's entirely serious. I won't offer advice because I've seen no indication whatsoever that this person is worthy of my time. If you had a question for me, no matter what the topic, I would do my best to answer it - because you've proven that you're here for the community and you're not just using it.

I don't mind someone asking a question on their first post, but when they exhibit a "my life is none of your business - BUT HELP ME OUT!" attitude, yeah... I'm far less likely to be friendly. What do I like about the Cellar? I like that everyone shares and is open. I don't see the usefulness in people that operate to the contrary.

And of course, I brought this all up, though he's the one that started with the insults. The audacity is typical of the immature young male when anonymity is guaranteed. He would have never escalated it in the same manner if we were standing face to face.

So, when you lump all this together... yeah, I don't think he's gonna be here in a year. Save us the fuckin' trouble and just hop off now.

[Undertoad]

*shrug*

You're probably right. I find it hard to judge users on post one as to whether they're long-termers or potential long-termers.

I really like Jake's #2 option. And if it is the case, wimmen-folk who are reading should respond by asking their men-folk to say what it is they want.

It sure would be nice if we had a checklist. Maybe one of those purity tests. "Hey hon? Could you answer this test, and also rate from 1 to 10 where 1 is the idea makes you want to vomit, and 10 is you've desperately always wanted to do it and, if asked, would do it immediately, perhaps several times in a row if possible."

Then take the test once a year to see if any attitudes have shifted.

[Nothing But Net]

"Ask not what your girlfriend can do, ask instead what you can do for your girlfriend!"

Best fucking advice you will ever get on the subject, pal.

[juju]

Originally posted by dave
He would have never escalated it in the same manner if we were standing face to face.

I've seen plenty of people respond in the same manner he did in real life. I think your statement applies to you more than it does him.

[jmf]

well this didn't take long... fuck it... I'll catch y'all later.

[elSicomoro]

jmf, try not to take your experience here thus far too personally. This place can be brutal to newbies. Stick around for a while...get to know people, and check out all the various topics. Don't walk away angry or feeling that you wasted your time...seriously.

[Nothing But Net]

Chased off in 24 hours? Newbies surrender.

Nobody has beat my record yet, Davey ...

[elSicomoro]

Tim, you're so damned classy, you reek of it.

[jaguar]

You know a few people there gave good advise, brian, nightsong et al, judging by that he needs a thicker hide himself or he was just hanking your collective chain. In which case dave being an asshole seems to have done us a favour.