Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 260

Nirvana · 05-16-2011, 01:15 PM

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE WISDOM OF OUR GOVERNMENTAL AGENCIES????????

Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be
challenged with the task of tracing home titles back
potentially hundreds of years.
With a community rich with history stretching back over two
centuries, houses have been passed along through
generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult
to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney
wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

You have to love this lawyer........

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client.
He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove
satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as
collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803,
which took the lawyer three months to track down. After
sending the information to the FHA, he received the
following reply.

(Actual reply from FHA):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan
application, we note that the request is supported by an
Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in
which you have prepared and presented the application, we
must point out that you have only cleared title to the
proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final
approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the
title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual response):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received.
I note that you wish to have title extended further than the
206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware
that any educated person in this country, particularly those
working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana
was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the
year of origin identified in our application. For the
edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the
land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which
had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land
came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made
in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher
Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a
new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about
titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the
blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance
Columbus's expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus
Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted,
created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to
presume that God also made that part of the world called
Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and
His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the
world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's
original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our xxxx loan?"

The loan was immediately approved

glatt · 05-16-2011, 01:22 PM

And then they fainted.

footfootfoot · 05-16-2011, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nirvana

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE WISDOM OF OUR GOVERNMENTAL AGENCIES?

Very funny and about 30 years old too.

classicman · 05-16-2011, 01:20 PM

That's beautiful.

Clodfobble · 05-16-2011, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

curious, Clod...

just exactly where do you reach to check your testicles...?

In my fanny pack, of course.

BigV · 05-16-2011, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

In my fanny pack, of course.

And *this* is what sprang immediately to mind....

Basil's reply at 5:50... he's not speaking Mr Clod's lines, is he?

plthijinx · 05-16-2011, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

And *this* is what sprang immediately to mind....

Awesome V! And no need wash spewed on this post. Dyac!

Basil's reply at 5:50... he's not speaking Mr Clod's lines, is he?

footfootfoot · 05-16-2011, 04:52 PM

What do you call a frozen exam?

A testicle.

(I'll be here all week)

Sheldonrs · 05-16-2011, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

...(I'll be here all week)

As a bus boy.

GunMaster357 · 05-19-2011, 08:51 AM

A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"

"1956," was his reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"

"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, ..."It's only 2014 now."

BrianR · 05-31-2011, 01:28 PM

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat,
agreed to look after her neighbors' male dog and house
while they were away on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep,
she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together
and unable to disengage as frequently happens when dogs mate.

She was unable to separate them, and even though it was late,
she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing
will make the male lose his erection and he'll be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

I'm not really sure, but It just worked for me," he replied.

BigV · 06-01-2011, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrianR

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat,
agreed to look after her neighbors' male dog and house
while they were away on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep,
she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together
and unable to disengage as frequently happens when dogs mate.

She was unable to separate them, and even though it was late,
she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing
will make the male lose his erection and he'll be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

I'm not really sure, but It just worked for me," he replied.

but, but.. why was he humping his dog?

Gravdigr · 06-01-2011, 03:13 PM

I'm here all week.

Gravdigr · 06-05-2011, 02:45 PM

May be a repost.

Nirvana · 06-07-2011, 05:39 PM

In honor of Arnold Schwartzenegger, a new 11th Commandment has been created. Be sure to write this one beneath the other 10:

“Thou Shalt Not Share Thy Rod with Thy Staff.”

05-16-2011, 01:15 PM	#1
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Original Owner DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE WISDOM OF OUR GOVERNMENTAL AGENCIES???????? Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client: You have to love this lawyer........ A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply. (Actual reply from FHA): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin." Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows: (Actual response): "Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus's expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our xxxx loan?" The loan was immediately approved __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

05-16-2011, 01:20 PM	#4
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	That's beautiful. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-16-2011, 04:52 PM	#8
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	What do you call a frozen exam? A testicle. (I'll be here all week) __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-19-2011, 08:51 AM	#10
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?" "1956," was his reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!" "I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, ..."It's only 2014 now." __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

05-31-2011, 01:28 PM	#11
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbors' male dog and house while they were away on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage as frequently happens when dogs mate. She was unable to separate them, and even though it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he'll be able to withdraw." "Do you think that will work?" she asked. I'm not really sure, but It just worked for me," he replied. __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

05-16-2011, 01:22 PM	#2
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	And then they fainted.

06-01-2011, 03:13 PM	#13
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	I'm here all week. Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

06-05-2011, 02:45 PM	#14
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	May be a repost. Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

06-07-2011, 05:39 PM	#15
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	In honor of Arnold Schwartzenegger, a new 11th Commandment has been created. Be sure to write this one beneath the other 10: “Thou Shalt Not Share Thy Rod with Thy Staff.” __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)