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05-15-2010, 02:26 AM
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#1 |
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Pithy Euphemist
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 19
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The guide to wife translations
The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It's your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You'll pay for this later The wife says: We need to talk The wife means: I need to complain The wife says: Sure... go ahead The wife means: I don't want you to The wife says: I'n not upset The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron The wife says: You're ... so manly The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights The wife means: I have flabby thighs. The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient The wife means: I want a new house. The wife says: I want new curtains. The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper! The wife says: I need wedding shoes. The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white. The wife says: Hang the picture there The wife means: No, I mean hang it there! The wife says: I heard a noise The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep. The wife says: Do you love me? The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive. The wife says: How much do you love me? The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like. The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute. The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap. The wife says: Am I fat? The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful. The wife says: You have to learn to communicate. The wife means: Just agree with me. The wife says: Are you listening to me? The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.] The wife says: Yes The wife means: No The wife says: No The wife means: No The wife says: Maybe The wife means: No The wife says: I'm sorry The wife means: You'll be sorry The wife says: Do you like this recipe? The wife means: You better get used to it The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place. The wife says: Was that the baby? The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him The wife says: I'm not yelling! The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important! In answer to the question "What's wrong?" The wife says: The same old thing. The wife means: Nothing. The wife says: Nothing. The wife means: Everything. The wife says: Nothing, really. The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot. The wife says: I don't want to talk about it. The wife means: I'm still building up steam. |
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05-19-2010, 07:54 AM
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#2 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Q: How can you make a dog sound like a cat?
A: Put the dog 24 hours in the freezer. Fire up a circular saw and .... Mmmmmeeeeeoooooooow....
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-19-2010, 09:33 AM
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#3 |
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Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
Soak it in gasoline, light a match and ... Wooooooooooooof |
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05-20-2010, 08:48 AM
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#4 | ||
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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Quote:
Quote:
 you bad boys.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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05-20-2010, 02:26 AM
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#5 |
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Pithy Euphemist
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 19
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05-20-2010, 03:51 AM
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#6 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Q: What's the difference between jam and jelly?
A: You can not "jelly" your girlfriend's ass!
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-21-2010, 07:45 AM
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#7 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence....
.....a life sentence.
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-25-2010, 01:34 AM
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#8 |
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Pithy Euphemist
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 19
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Marriage quotes
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings": * The Engagement Ring * The Wedding Ring * The Suffe-Ring * The Endu-Ring |
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05-25-2010, 09:36 AM
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#9 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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A man walks into a sex shop and tells the woman behind the counter he's looking for a blow up doll.
The woman asks "Would you like a christian or muslim doll?" Confused the man says "What's the difference?" "Well," replies the woman, "the muslim one blows herself up!"
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-26-2010, 06:42 AM
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#10 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Mommy, Mommy, what happened to all your scabs?
Shut up, and eat your corn flakes.
__________________
 These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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05-26-2010, 09:28 AM
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#11 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Who were the world's fastest readers?
The World Trade Center employees. Reason: They can go through dozens of stories in less than 10 seconds.
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-28-2010, 04:49 AM
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#12 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Daddy, I need to poo.
NO Daddy, I need to poo. NO Daddy, I need to poo. OK, I'll take my dick out.
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-28-2010, 05:13 AM
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#13 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Well, it did say tasteless jokes.
__________________
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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05-28-2010, 05:41 AM
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#14 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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That's why I posted it here.
And although it's tasteless, I dare say it leaves a shitty taste in the mouth.
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-28-2010, 09:17 AM
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#15 | |
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Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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Quote:
 I think you won the thread! 
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
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Hybrid Mode
