Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 258

footfootfoot · 04-26-2011, 09:56 AM

after three martinis my IQ drops about 100 points too.

infinite monkey · 04-26-2011, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere
tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it
one more time..

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

Mixed up: Nascar belongs to the 50 IQ guy.

Gravdigr · 04-26-2011, 05:35 PM

Gravdigr · 04-26-2011, 05:36 PM

,

jimhelm · 04-26-2011, 08:47 PM

i heard it where the question is, 'how many cars you got out this month?'

morethanpretty · 04-27-2011, 10:32 PM

need a good joke now...

morethanpretty · 04-27-2011, 10:45 PM

why is that pig 3 legged?

morethanpretty · 04-27-2011, 11:40 PM

Because he's too special to eat all at once!

footfootfoot · 04-28-2011, 01:00 PM

Serpentine! Serpentine!

Gravdigr · 04-30-2011, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Are any of you aware of a thicker plate that could stop, say, .338 Lapua or something like that?

That would have to be damned heavy.

Gravdigr · 05-01-2011, 05:02 PM

Part two in the next post.

They got separated by a page break.

Gravdigr · 05-01-2011, 05:03 PM

Part one in previous post, due to page break.

classicman · 05-02-2011, 08:14 AM

A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.

I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu.
Champagne, Shrimp cocktail, Lobster and a nice Puligny Montrachet followed by some Louis XIII.

I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like this when you eat at home?"

"No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting a blow job."

It was then that I offered her dessert.

jimhelm · 05-02-2011, 10:36 AM

plthijinx · 05-03-2011, 01:48 PM

an oldie but goodie:

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons, nor prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into
motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to
slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck , but she slides
down the horse's side anyway
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from
the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now
at the mercy of the horse's
pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.....
Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.

----------------------
Two Minnesota mechanical engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by and asks what they were doing. 'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Sven, 'but we don't have a ladder. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches, and walked away. Ollie shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!' Sven and Ollie are currently working for the United States Forest Service.

04-26-2011, 09:56 AM	#1
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	after three martinis my IQ drops about 100 points too. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

04-26-2011, 05:35 PM	#3
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-26-2011, 05:36 PM	#4
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	, Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-26-2011, 08:47 PM	#5
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	i heard it where the question is, 'how many cars you got out this month?' __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

04-27-2011, 10:32 PM	#6
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	need a good joke now... __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

04-27-2011, 10:45 PM	#7
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	why is that pig 3 legged? __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

04-27-2011, 11:40 PM	#8
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	Because he's too special to eat all at once! __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

04-28-2011, 01:00 PM	#9
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Serpentine! Serpentine! __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-01-2011, 05:02 PM	#11
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Part two in the next post. They got separated by a page break. Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

05-01-2011, 05:03 PM	#12
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Part one in previous post, due to page break. Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

05-02-2011, 08:14 AM	#13
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Champagne, Shrimp cocktail, Lobster and a nice Puligny Montrachet followed by some Louis XIII. I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like this when you eat at home?" "No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting a blow job." It was then that I offered her dessert. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-02-2011, 10:36 AM	#14
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	__________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool Last edited by jimhelm; 05-02-2011 at 10:42 AM.

05-03-2011, 01:48 PM	#15
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	an oldie but goodie: A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck , but she slides down the horse's side anyway The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune..... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse. And you thought all they did was say Hello. ---------------------- Two Minnesota mechanical engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by and asks what they were doing. 'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Sven, 'but we don't have a ladder. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches, and walked away. Ollie shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!' Sven and Ollie are currently working for the United States Forest Service. __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

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