Merry F'in Christmas - I want a divorce. - Page 25

lookout123 · 04-09-2006, 12:42 AM

i guess i should update this. i look forward to asking UT to lock this thread in the near future. not yet, but soon.

we have agreed on 99.9% of everything that goes into the decree so I will have my attorney draft that all up this week.

life is weird, because i still do not want a divorce, still don't believe that our marriage is unfixable (if 2 people just decide they want to), but i have gotten my mind wrapped around the concept of being divorced. things get better day by day, well mostly - 3 steps forward, 1 step back and all that jazz.

life is even more weird because our interactions are more like a couple in the fairly early stages of serious dating rather than the tail end of a divorce. she has, at different times, stated that she still loves me, doesn't really want a divorce, knows that this is a mistake... but "if we don't do this now, it'll just happen some other time."

in the end i've come to the realization that the woman i've loved - and still do love - is in there somewhere, but she is choosing to be someone different for some unknown reason. i don't much care for the new person. i wouldn't marry the new person if given the choice so i'm done fighting for a marriage to this new person. it sucks, but that's life.

i close on the new house 5/15. certainly not anything approaching my dream home, or even my current home, but at only 50% the price it is a fair value and it will get me through a year or two. friday i went and bought an entire household of new furniture. expensive. but good therapy. bringing in the new stuff.

that's about it folks. thanks for your continued encouragement.

zippyt · 04-09-2006, 03:11 AM

Keep on Keepin on dude , all is well , this to shall pass ,
EVERY THING IS A LIFE EXPERENCE !!!!!
And Ain't life a BITCH to experence !!!

Have beer on me !!!

xoxoxoBruce · 04-09-2006, 11:13 AM

HTML Code:

bringing in the new stuff

That can be just the ticket for getting on with your life. New directions, new goals, are not necessarily bad, once you're into it.
You'll be OK.

skysidhe · 04-09-2006, 11:46 AM

wow, lookout

Thanks for sharing an incredible heartbreaking account of what's happening to you. I feel for you. I do with tears in my eyes as anyone who has exprerienced loss would.

I am trying to fast forward my sympathetic emotions to where you are now. That would be with seeing you with everything you want. Everything you need money, housing and custody wise feeling secure in all that.

Everygood thought is with you. I know the rays of sunshine began to heal long before I even read this thread.

sincerly,
sky

lookout123 · 04-14-2006, 12:02 PM

so can anyone tell me when I'll start feeling human again? i know i'll be broken for quite a while as time works it's magic and all that but seriously.

last night i'm with some friends at a local jazz bar. this chick who is, to be honest, the very picture of "my type" that it was scary. 5'5" petite but shapely, dark skin, dark hair, green eyes, beautiful smile, nice, funny, intelligent... my very definition of perfection. At first she was subtly flirting, then not so subtly, then blatantly throwing herself at me.

my reaction? "who cares?" i couldn't even express interest. every time she walked away my friends are telling me i'm an idiot. after explaining that i just wasn't up to the task (task - since there was no challenge) they had the normal guy responses about who cares about tomorrow, focus on tonight, blahblahblah.

my thought was - this chick is exactly what i would describe to anyone wanting my definition of the perfect fit for me. but i'm not at a place where i can even conceive of having anything approaching a healthy relationship and the thought of using that one for a one night stand... just couldn't do it.

i know i'll kick myself in the ass for not taking her to bed, but that isn't even my real complaint. when the hell am i going to be able to look at another woman and actually be interested?
this is the part that sucks about being "that guy". the entire time i was with my ex i had no desire to be with anyone else. other guys would say "i'd like get a piece of that one." my response was always "i've got exactly what i want at home."

eh, whatever. maybe i should have just drank more so i could have had the horrible experience of waking up with her this morning?

lookout123 · 04-14-2006, 12:11 PM

oh, and a separate issue from last night? when did people become so incredibly stupid and shallow?

my friends are in the same field i'm in so we all have fair incomes - but none of us are flashy or talk about money or anything... anyway, i'm sitting with them, and some random chick comes walking up and starts idly chatting. i bought her and her friends drinks when we got our next round and we're just chatting. i don't know anything at all about this girl - i've talked to her for about 10 minutes at this point. her first question of substance? not hobbies, age, availability, or anything remotely appropriate. She goes for the big gun:

Soooo. How much money do you make?

WTF??? after i picked up my jaw, i piqued her interest when i pulled out my wallet, pulled out a couple of bills and told her that i'd like to buy her and her friends another drink - on one condition. That they move to the other side of the bar and agree not to talk to me for the rest of the night.

She got a little pissy.

seriously though - is that the kind of question you ask when first meeting someone?

i'm not sure how much i'm going to like this dating thing.

Pie · 04-14-2006, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

She goes for the big gun:
Soooo. How much money do you make?

Apparently, she wasn't looking for a date, she was looking for a trick.

yesman065 · 04-14-2006, 02:20 PM

Don't sweat it Lookout - there are a hundred sheep to every shepard and you are obviously not looking for a sheep mindlessly headed to slaughter - you want, and deserve, a lot more than that. Give it time.
Oh, and no that is a completely inappropriate question to ask at that or any other time - just my opinion

Clodfobble · 04-14-2006, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

my reaction? "who cares?" i couldn't even express interest. every time she walked away my friends are telling me i'm an idiot. after explaining that i just wasn't up to the task (task - since there was no challenge) they had the normal guy responses about who cares about tomorrow, focus on tonight, blahblahblah.

my thought was - this chick is exactly what i would describe to anyone wanting my definition of the perfect fit for me. but i'm not at a place where i can even conceive of having anything approaching a healthy relationship and the thought of using that one for a one night stand... just couldn't do it.

Why does it have to be one or the other? Perhaps you should try telling the next perfect girl all of this--explain that she's very nice, intelligent, etc., and maybe awhile down the road it would be great, but right now you're not in a place where you can have a relationship. Maybe it'll turn out SHE'S just coming out of a painful separation as well, and is only throwing herself at you in an attempt to build up her own self-esteem again. Maybe you'll find a sincerely lifelong friend with no "relationship" expectations at all.

Which is all a sneaky way of getting yourself to be able to see women as good friends again, which is step one to being interested in another woman again someday.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-14-2006, 08:07 PM

Spot on, Clodfobble. Your never in a position where you can't use another friend. Make that have, rather than use, another friend. Use carries some baggage.

Anyway, friends with different perspectives can be helpful. There is no harm in friends with privileges, either....as long as you're upfront with everything.

Heh, heh, heh, Spellcheck wanted to change Clodfobble to Cultivable.

footfootfoot · 04-17-2006, 05:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

She goes for the big gun:

Soooo. How much money do you make?

Ease up lookout, don't you know the IRS is now sending plainclothes auditors out onto the street?

I think C'fob is right re: why not just be up front and not get into the whole "dating game" game? My personal rule of thumb is six months off after a serious relationship of one year, plus another month for each additional year. In your case I'd add an extra six months of being single just to give you the time you need to sort out some of the serious mind fucking you've under gone.

It's great that you can ignore your friends' boorish behaviour. As for unwinding activities not involvong the two backed beast, I hear fly fishing is great.

Anyway. Give your self a much needed break from another person's crazy-ness.

Elspode · 04-17-2006, 10:57 PM

I think our well-meaning friends may be overlooking one type of female that you *will* meet, Lookout. You will meet one or more ladies to whom you will lay it out on the line in all honesty and truth...and one or more of those ladies will see it as a personal challenge to "save" you, screw you senseless, make you love again, etc.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I'm just sayin'...

ashke · 04-17-2006, 11:45 PM

Who will, at regular intervals, say "Poor baby..."?

yesman065 · 04-18-2006, 08:11 AM

Hang tight Lookout - all is well. When we don't know the motivation for another persons actions, we can be biased to the reality because of oour own preconceived notions. She couold have been really nice and just trying to get to meet you or a the complete opposite just lookin to get laid. People never cease to amaze - and dissappoint me - ya just gotta give 'em a chance to determine which. Keep lil lookout safe and things with you will all play out in due time. Just give yourself the time you need.

Elspode · 04-18-2006, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashke

Who will, at regular intervals, say "Poor baby..."?

"Harvey" is one of my favorite films!

04-09-2006, 03:11 AM	#362
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Keep on Keepin on dude , all is well , this to shall pass , EVERY THING IS A LIFE EXPERENCE !!!!! And Ain't life a BITCH to experence !!! Have beer on me !!! __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

04-09-2006, 11:13 AM	#363
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	HTML Code: bringing in the new stuff That can be just the ticket for getting on with your life. New directions, new goals, are not necessarily bad, once you're into it. You'll be OK. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-14-2006, 08:07 PM	#370
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Spot on, Clodfobble. Your never in a position where you can't use another friend. Make that have, rather than use, another friend. Use carries some baggage. Anyway, friends with different perspectives can be helpful. There is no harm in friends with privileges, either....as long as you're upfront with everything. Heh, heh, heh, Spellcheck wanted to change Clodfobble to Cultivable. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 04-14-2006 at 08:10 PM.

04-17-2006, 10:57 PM	#372
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I think our well-meaning friends may be overlooking one type of female that you will meet, Lookout. You will meet one or more ladies to whom you will lay it out on the line in all honesty and truth...and one or more of those ladies will see it as a personal challenge to "save" you, screw you senseless, make you love again, etc. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I'm just sayin'... __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

04-09-2006, 12:42 AM	#361
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	i guess i should update this. i look forward to asking UT to lock this thread in the near future. not yet, but soon. we have agreed on 99.9% of everything that goes into the decree so I will have my attorney draft that all up this week. life is weird, because i still do not want a divorce, still don't believe that our marriage is unfixable (if 2 people just decide they want to), but i have gotten my mind wrapped around the concept of being divorced. things get better day by day, well mostly - 3 steps forward, 1 step back and all that jazz. life is even more weird because our interactions are more like a couple in the fairly early stages of serious dating rather than the tail end of a divorce. she has, at different times, stated that she still loves me, doesn't really want a divorce, knows that this is a mistake... but "if we don't do this now, it'll just happen some other time." in the end i've come to the realization that the woman i've loved - and still do love - is in there somewhere, but she is choosing to be someone different for some unknown reason. i don't much care for the new person. i wouldn't marry the new person if given the choice so i'm done fighting for a marriage to this new person. it sucks, but that's life. i close on the new house 5/15. certainly not anything approaching my dream home, or even my current home, but at only 50% the price it is a fair value and it will get me through a year or two. friday i went and bought an entire household of new furniture. expensive. but good therapy. bringing in the new stuff. that's about it folks. thanks for your continued encouragement.

04-09-2006, 11:46 AM	#364
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	wow, lookout Thanks for sharing an incredible heartbreaking account of what's happening to you. I feel for you. I do with tears in my eyes as anyone who has exprerienced loss would. I am trying to fast forward my sympathetic emotions to where you are now. That would be with seeing you with everything you want. Everything you need money, housing and custody wise feeling secure in all that. Everygood thought is with you. I know the rays of sunshine began to heal long before I even read this thread. sincerly, sky

04-14-2006, 12:02 PM	#365
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	so can anyone tell me when I'll start feeling human again? i know i'll be broken for quite a while as time works it's magic and all that but seriously. last night i'm with some friends at a local jazz bar. this chick who is, to be honest, the very picture of "my type" that it was scary. 5'5" petite but shapely, dark skin, dark hair, green eyes, beautiful smile, nice, funny, intelligent... my very definition of perfection. At first she was subtly flirting, then not so subtly, then blatantly throwing herself at me. my reaction? "who cares?" i couldn't even express interest. every time she walked away my friends are telling me i'm an idiot. after explaining that i just wasn't up to the task (task - since there was no challenge) they had the normal guy responses about who cares about tomorrow, focus on tonight, blahblahblah. my thought was - this chick is exactly what i would describe to anyone wanting my definition of the perfect fit for me. but i'm not at a place where i can even conceive of having anything approaching a healthy relationship and the thought of using that one for a one night stand... just couldn't do it. i know i'll kick myself in the ass for not taking her to bed, but that isn't even my real complaint. when the hell am i going to be able to look at another woman and actually be interested? this is the part that sucks about being "that guy". the entire time i was with my ex i had no desire to be with anyone else. other guys would say "i'd like get a piece of that one." my response was always "i've got exactly what i want at home." eh, whatever. maybe i should have just drank more so i could have had the horrible experience of waking up with her this morning?

04-14-2006, 12:11 PM	#366
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	oh, and a separate issue from last night? when did people become so incredibly stupid and shallow? my friends are in the same field i'm in so we all have fair incomes - but none of us are flashy or talk about money or anything... anyway, i'm sitting with them, and some random chick comes walking up and starts idly chatting. i bought her and her friends drinks when we got our next round and we're just chatting. i don't know anything at all about this girl - i've talked to her for about 10 minutes at this point. her first question of substance? not hobbies, age, availability, or anything remotely appropriate. She goes for the big gun: Soooo. How much money do you make? WTF??? after i picked up my jaw, i piqued her interest when i pulled out my wallet, pulled out a couple of bills and told her that i'd like to buy her and her friends another drink - on one condition. That they move to the other side of the bar and agree not to talk to me for the rest of the night. She got a little pissy. seriously though - is that the kind of question you ask when first meeting someone? i'm not sure how much i'm going to like this dating thing.

04-14-2006, 02:20 PM	#368
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Don't sweat it Lookout - there are a hundred sheep to every shepard and you are obviously not looking for a sheep mindlessly headed to slaughter - you want, and deserve, a lot more than that. Give it time. Oh, and no that is a completely inappropriate question to ask at that or any other time - just my opinion

04-17-2006, 11:45 PM	#373
ashke Don't look at me! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Singapore Posts: 288	Who will, at regular intervals, say "Poor baby..."?

04-18-2006, 08:11 AM	#374
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Hang tight Lookout - all is well. When we don't know the motivation for another persons actions, we can be biased to the reality because of oour own preconceived notions. She couold have been really nice and just trying to get to meet you or a the complete opposite just lookin to get laid. People never cease to amaze - and dissappoint me - ya just gotta give 'em a chance to determine which. Keep lil lookout safe and things with you will all play out in due time. Just give yourself the time you need.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)