Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 231

glatt · 05-10-2010, 11:41 AM

Those taglines are dumb, but they're a verbalisation of the old vaudeville / musichall tradition of the percussionist making a drumroll+rimshot after the comic cracks a joke (and therefore a cue, for the audience, to laugh).

People like to be told when to laugh.

monster · 05-10-2010, 11:47 AM

Not everybody.

Shawnee -that extra line has been added by someone other than the original author, therefore SN's post was not complete until fixed by me....

Shawnee123 · 05-10-2010, 11:50 AM

Ahhh, yeah...that makes sense.

Not only do I not want to be told when to laugh, apparently I'm completely oblivious to the cues. No wonder I get funny looks at funerals and murder trials.

monster · 05-10-2010, 12:04 PM

am i supposed to laugh now?

Shawnee123 · 05-10-2010, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

Ahhh, yeah...that makes sense.

Not only do I not want to be told when to laugh, apparently I'm completely oblivious to the cues. No wonder I get funny looks at funerals and murder trials.

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

am i supposed to laugh now?

Hang on a second:

Ahhh, yeah...that makes sense.

Not only do I not want to be told when to laugh, apparently I'm completely oblivious to the cues. No wonder I get funny looks at funerals and murder trials.

The funeral-goers and victim's families were not amused.

Better?

squirell nutkin · 05-10-2010, 01:20 PM

Now I get it.
He said, getting it.

And then I laughed.

Shawnee123 · 05-10-2010, 01:43 PM

And then the laughing smilie let us know, one and all, that it's OK to laugh. Laugh my children, laugh!

monster · 05-10-2010, 09:15 PM

bwahahahahahahahaha *snort* ...wait, what was the joke again?

toranokaze · 05-10-2010, 09:20 PM

I'm not sure but it was funny

Nirvana · 05-11-2010, 10:22 AM

THE BEST DRUNK STORY OF THE MONTH

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and

I saw her in the hallway buck-naked.

Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.

His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says:

'I got it on with your grandma and she is good,

the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad

but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,

'I'll tell you something else, boy,

your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up,

takes the drunk by the shoulders

looks him square in the eyes and says....................

'Grandpa;.......... Go home!

Sundae · 05-11-2010, 11:35 AM

You forgot the puchline: Grandpa looked chagrined and did so.

Spexxvet · 05-11-2010, 12:27 PM

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it
was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to
the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the
Grass.'

15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.

16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion

And that's when the wife shot him!

Shawnee123 · 05-11-2010, 12:28 PM

Punny!

squirell nutkin · 05-11-2010, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DangerouslySimple

Man takes his fish into the veterinarian and says to the doc, "I think my fish has epilepsy."
Doctor takes a look at the fish thru the fishbowl and says, "I don't see anything wrong with him sir. He looks completely healthy."
Before the doctor could usher him out the exam room, the man replied, "Wait doc... Lemme take him outta the bowl!"

My new favorite joke of all time. For now.

Nirvana · 05-15-2010, 10:47 AM

I am so laughing as I post this!

> HAVE YOU EVER
> BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I
> CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?
> WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
>
> MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY
> FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
> I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
> SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME
> NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
>
>
> COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
> UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
> THIS BALDING, GREY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO
> OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM
> IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
>
> 'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
>
> 'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
>
> HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
>
> 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
>
> HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
>
>
> THEN, THAT
>
> UGLY,
>
> OLD,
>
> BALD,
>
> WRINKLED,
>
> FAT ASS,
>
> GREY-HAIRED,
>
> DECREPIT,
>
> SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED ME :
>
>
> 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?

05-10-2010, 11:47 AM	#3452
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Not everybody. Shawnee -that extra line has been added by someone other than the original author, therefore SN's post was not complete until fixed by me.... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-10-2010, 11:50 AM	#3453
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Ahhh, yeah...that makes sense. Not only do I not want to be told when to laugh, apparently I'm completely oblivious to the cues. No wonder I get funny looks at funerals and murder trials. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

05-10-2010, 12:04 PM	#3454
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	am i supposed to laugh now? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-10-2010, 01:20 PM	#3456
squirell nutkin has a second hand user title Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: in a Nut House Posts: 2,017	Now I get it. He said, getting it. And then I laughed. __________________ And now I'm finished posting.

05-10-2010, 01:43 PM	#3457
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	And then the laughing smilie let us know, one and all, that it's OK to laugh. Laugh my children, laugh! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

05-10-2010, 11:41 AM	#3451
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Those taglines are dumb, but they're a verbalisation of the old vaudeville / musichall tradition of the percussionist making a drumroll+rimshot after the comic cracks a joke (and therefore a cue, for the audience, to laugh). People like to be told when to laugh.

05-10-2010, 09:15 PM	#3458
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	bwahahahahahahahaha snort ...wait, what was the joke again? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-10-2010, 09:20 PM	#3459
toranokaze I'm still a jerk Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Little Mexico Posts: 1,817	I'm not sure but it was funny __________________ "Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering.

05-11-2010, 10:22 AM	#3460
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	THE BEST DRUNK STORY OF THE MONTH A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!' The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!' The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!' At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says.................... 'Grandpa;.......... Go home! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

05-11-2010, 11:35 AM	#3461
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	You forgot the puchline: Grandpa looked chagrined and did so.

05-11-2010, 12:27 PM	#3462
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 17. A backward poet writes inverse. 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion And that's when the wife shot him! __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

05-11-2010, 12:28 PM	#3463
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Punny! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

05-15-2010, 10:47 AM	#3465
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	I am so laughing as I post this! > HAVE YOU EVER > BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I > CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? > WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. > > MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY > FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. > I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. > SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME > NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. > > > COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? > UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. > THIS BALDING, GREY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO > OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM > IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL . > > 'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. > > 'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED. > > HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?' > > 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED. > > HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. > > > THEN, THAT > > UGLY, > > OLD, > > BALD, > > WRINKLED, > > FAT ASS, > > GREY-HAIRED, > > DECREPIT, > > SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED ME : > > > 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH? __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

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