Merry F'in Christmas - I want a divorce. - Page 23

Brett's Honey · 03-22-2006, 01:14 AM

I had a friend who did similar things - actually she did exactly the same things that you're describing. I was very close to her, and all I ever really understood about what she was thinking and doing was just that she had a "mid-life crisis". Yes, she was female, and only in her 20's, but a mid life crisis is still the only way I can describe what she went through. When her husband decided he was ready for child #2, she freaked out, decided she was quite content with motherhood with their only child - a three year old. She immediately started drinking more, doing almost any drugs whenever they were around and started being unfaithful to her husband. Soon after, they divorced......about 4 or 5 years later she settled down with husband #2, she's now on #3.
So, the alcohol and drugs were a ? symptom ? (I guess you'd say?) of her main problem in the beginning, but of course, the drugs and alcohol can quickly become the main issues of concern, especially when there's a child involved.
That was back in 1984, but it's been on my mind a lot ever since Lookout started describing his life these days....I always felt bad for my friend's husband, the poor guy never did figure out what he'd done wrong, of course, he hadn't done anything.

Brett's Honey · 03-22-2006, 01:20 AM

And as for the scent thing - I could always smell meth on my ex, back in the day......

WabUfvot5 · 03-22-2006, 03:36 AM

Baseball players and coke would certainly go together. Geez, from what you describe you're going to be the fortunate one to be rid of her.

03-22-2006, 10:28 AM

I figured all along she was heading back to coke, Lookout. An addict can't afford to get involved with ANY substance, since it invariably leads them back to their drug of choice. Not only does coke go well with baseball players, it goes great with alcohol, too. You can drink more and the booze helps smooth the jitters coke can induce. I hope you are documenting ALL this. It might not hurt to get one of those little voice activated tape recorders either, so you could record some unintelligible inebriated conversations with her. The judge would adore listening to THOSE, I'm sure!

Try to find a 3D support group to help you through this bad time. I can only imagine what it must feel like to be sitting around at 2:AM, imagining your wife all coked up and running around with God knows who. Your boy needs a sane parent in his life. I think you have a good chance of getting full custody if you document all this stuff.

I know this is something you would probably would be adverse to doing, but have you considered getting a temporary restraining order on her? If she comes back in the small hours of the morning and starts drunken arguments or takes a swing at you or something, you'd have grounds to request one. She would be the one who would then have to leave the house.

Brett's Honey · 03-22-2006, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jebediah

Geez, from what you describe you're going to be the fortunate one to be rid of her.

It sounds that way to us, but like Lookout said, he's missing the person he married, not this person she has become. We could save ourselves a lot of pain if we could just "turn off" our feelings when we need to....

mrnoodle · 03-22-2006, 02:36 PM

lookout, have a cop waiting for her when she drives up next time. He or she will be more than happy to administer the appropriate test/search for illegal substances when operating a motor vehicle is involved.

WabUfvot5 · 03-22-2006, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brett's Honey

It sounds that way to us, but like Lookout said, he's missing the person he married, not this person she has become. We could save ourselves a lot of pain if we could just "turn off" our feelings when we need to....

Well said. Who's to say that person will ever return though? Sometimes feelings must be severed even though it's hard and takes time.

03-22-2006, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

lookout, have a cop waiting for her when she drives up next time. He or she will be more than happy to administer the appropriate test/search for illegal substances when operating a motor vehicle is involved.

Oooooh! Brilliant and very diabolical, Noodle! I doubt that Lookout has the heart for such a tactic (he seems too much the gentleman), but if things get REALLY nasty, Lookout would have the former Mrs. Lookout by the tits (as opposed to balls)!

lookout123 · 03-22-2006, 10:17 PM

i talked to one of the cops i know and he said that until i KNOW with a capital KNOW that she is using, i better not even speak it out loud. if i play that card and she submits to a test and nothing is found pretty much everything i say from that point on will be ignored.

because her time of arrival on going out nights has varied from 2:30 to 4:30 there is no way i will get a cop to sit tight.

she hasn't been too belligerent and never violent when she comes home. she knows that stuff doesn't work on me. my method of dealing with stupidity is to just stare at her and smile until she runs out. it only makes her (or any drunk idiot) that much angrier. if it came down to it, i wouldn't hesitate to go for the R.O. but i won't manufacture an excuse for one.

lookout123 · 03-22-2006, 10:32 PM

so i'm having a hard time on the housing situation. our house (and i don't mean to brag) rocks. we both make healthy incomes and we moved before the housing market went stupid. we have a larger than normal lot, with a comfortable mid-sized home with freaking disneyland in the back yard. Pebbletec pool, large putting green and separate chipping area with small sand bunker, flagstone entertainment area with fireplace, bar, grill, seating area, kids play area... and we are at the foot of the mountain.

although i can technically afford to buy/build something quite similar i just don't want that large of a monthly expense. BUT, i'm having a hard time finding something in the price range i want that comes even close to my expectations. the condo's across from my office building, which were apartments a year ago are selling for $100K more than i built my current house for. i've been batting around the idea of just renting for 6 months to a year until i can really focus more rationally on my priorities for housing. i just hate to throw away rent money. plus, i can do any home improvement projects tht might keep my mind/body busy. and yes, there is some arrogance about owning my own home.

i would like just one easy decision. of course, as my mother pointed out - i should count my blessings that i've got a choice - i'm not forced into a 1 bedroom apartment yadayadayada.

wolf · 03-23-2006, 01:51 PM

If the cocaine (or other drug use) is a reality and not a suspicion ... and if you are as clean as the driven snow, see what you can do about having random drug testing written into the custody agreement.

lookout123 · 03-23-2006, 08:22 PM

that is the problem wolf the cocaine is a very very strong suspicion, but i have no hard proof - only old history that looks a lot like what i am seeing right now. if she isn't using right now, she will be soon. an addict cannot hang out in the places she is with the people she is with and not fall back into it at some point.

and yes - i am as clean as the driven snow.

Clodfobble · 03-23-2006, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

i talked to one of the cops i know and he said that until i KNOW with a capital KNOW that she is using, i better not even speak it out loud. if i play that card and she submits to a test and nothing is found pretty much everything i say from that point on will be ignored.

But you know for sure she's drunk, right? Couldn't a cop simply be there (assuming you could get him to hang out with you for a few hours) to test her for being over the legal limit when she drove home? And if he just happened to test her for other substances on his own suspicions, that's not really you playing any sort of card, is it?

lookout123 · 03-24-2006, 01:12 AM

yeah, so, i've had a couple of beers. for the first time in 4 months. i miss beer. i miss a lot of things. like not feeling like my life is ending. yeah, i kind of miss that.
i had the opportunity to do a few things today that i really really enjoy. or at least i used to enjoy. all i could think is "YOU ARE STEALING EVERY FUCKING DREAM I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY POINTLESS FUCKING LIFE YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
but then i thought i might be overreacting.

so i threw a dining room chair through a plasma tv. fortunately i owned it.
so she comes home and asks "why is the tv in the trash?" the only rational response i could come up with was, of course, "blow me whore, i'll leave the money on your nightstand."

yeah hours later i pretty much feel like shit. as much as i know she deserves every cruel thing i could think to say... i love her. i miss her. the real her. i hate this person that she is. i mourn the person she was. i miss the quiet nights after cam is asleep just watching [i]friends[i]or some other stupid thing. i miss waking up early to talk about our day's plans. i miss looking across the table at some restaurant laughing about what it was like when we were shit poor eating peanut butter for dinner. i miss planning our next vacation. i miss having my hand slapped away after getting out of the shower. i miss telling "the guys" that i was the luckiest man on the planet because i had everything i had ever wanted. i miss standing in a store while a lady flirts with me and my response is to think "oh, she's cute, but nothing compared to Mrs Lookout" instead of "who the fuck cares - she'd only shit on your heart given the chance." i miss my life. i miss my wife. i miss being the confident guy i was just a few short months ago.

i miss being something other than the pathetic lump of co-dependent flesh i somehow became. how does this happen?

in another thread someone asked "is the cellar real?" fuck yeah it's real. it is midnight and i know i have to be to work to put a smile on my face for my clients in a few short hours. i have tears running down my face. once upon a time i had friends. i had friends standing by that would take a bullet for me. one who did. now i have a bunch of distant aquaintances that remember the old days. they have wives who love them. kids who need them. and i sit alone. everything i have thought, planned, and done in the last 7 years is gone. everything. everything i did before that has been pushed aside or erased for the priorities of the last 7 years. the priority. the woman that i love. the woman who i thought loved me. the lie that i lived. so now i get to sit here and realize i have nothing. well, that isn't true. i have a beautiful son that i want to watch grow into a better man than i can ever be. unfortunately for him, he needs a father who is a better man than i will ever be.

so those are my thoughts for the night.

so if you are ever sitting around and wondering if the cellar is real - read this thread to assure yourself it is. there is some sorry son of a bitch in phoenix arizona pouring his heart out to you all. anonymous though we may be, you're all i've got. so yeah, to me - the cellar is as real as it gets.

thanks for reading my bullshit.

03-24-2006, 02:22 AM

Hey, Lookout, I'm there in spirit with you tonight. Its pretty late here in Colorado, too, and in the morning, I get to go fight this cold monster in court to try to get some of my disability money back that he appropriated for himself. I'll get to sit in the courtroom alone behind him and his rich new girl friend, and watcher her act all protective and concerned and whisper advise in his ear on how best to avoid even giving me so much as a damn financial accounting and bank statements concerning my own money. I wasn't even married to this SOB and he still walked off with damn near everything I had.

There was a time when that man was the "only one I trusted," a time when I loved him with all my heart and soul and thought he was wonderful. People can play some damn nasty tricks, can't they?

I'll probably get my ass kicked because I don't have any money for a lawyer, but at least I'll have the knowledge that I didn't just lay down and die, and I fought back with every ounce of spirit I've got in me. And at least I know I have a place to live now and its a place 500 miles from here, thank God!

This too shall pass, and I have it on the best of authority that the sun WILL come up in the morning in both Arizona and Colorado.

The darkness never wins, Lookout. Invariably the light does return.

Here's to the destruction of our enemies and better days ahead for us both.

May God bless.

- Mari

03-22-2006, 02:36 PM	#336
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	lookout, have a cop waiting for her when she drives up next time. He or she will be more than happy to administer the appropriate test/search for illegal substances when operating a motor vehicle is involved. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

03-23-2006, 01:51 PM	#341
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	If the cocaine (or other drug use) is a reality and not a suspicion ... and if you are as clean as the driven snow, see what you can do about having random drug testing written into the custody agreement. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

03-22-2006, 01:14 AM	#331
Brett's Honey whatever Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 308	I had a friend who did similar things - actually she did exactly the same things that you're describing. I was very close to her, and all I ever really understood about what she was thinking and doing was just that she had a "mid-life crisis". Yes, she was female, and only in her 20's, but a mid life crisis is still the only way I can describe what she went through. When her husband decided he was ready for child #2, she freaked out, decided she was quite content with motherhood with their only child - a three year old. She immediately started drinking more, doing almost any drugs whenever they were around and started being unfaithful to her husband. Soon after, they divorced......about 4 or 5 years later she settled down with husband #2, she's now on #3. So, the alcohol and drugs were a ? symptom ? (I guess you'd say?) of her main problem in the beginning, but of course, the drugs and alcohol can quickly become the main issues of concern, especially when there's a child involved. That was back in 1984, but it's been on my mind a lot ever since Lookout started describing his life these days....I always felt bad for my friend's husband, the poor guy never did figure out what he'd done wrong, of course, he hadn't done anything.

03-22-2006, 01:20 AM	#332
Brett's Honey whatever Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 308	And as for the scent thing - I could always smell meth on my ex, back in the day......

03-22-2006, 03:36 AM	#333
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	Baseball players and coke would certainly go together. Geez, from what you describe you're going to be the fortunate one to be rid of her.

03-22-2006, 10:28 AM	#334
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	I figured all along she was heading back to coke, Lookout. An addict can't afford to get involved with ANY substance, since it invariably leads them back to their drug of choice. Not only does coke go well with baseball players, it goes great with alcohol, too. You can drink more and the booze helps smooth the jitters coke can induce. I hope you are documenting ALL this. It might not hurt to get one of those little voice activated tape recorders either, so you could record some unintelligible inebriated conversations with her. The judge would adore listening to THOSE, I'm sure! Try to find a 3D support group to help you through this bad time. I can only imagine what it must feel like to be sitting around at 2:AM, imagining your wife all coked up and running around with God knows who. Your boy needs a sane parent in his life. I think you have a good chance of getting full custody if you document all this stuff. I know this is something you would probably would be adverse to doing, but have you considered getting a temporary restraining order on her? If she comes back in the small hours of the morning and starts drunken arguments or takes a swing at you or something, you'd have grounds to request one. She would be the one who would then have to leave the house.

03-22-2006, 10:17 PM	#339
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	i talked to one of the cops i know and he said that until i KNOW with a capital KNOW that she is using, i better not even speak it out loud. if i play that card and she submits to a test and nothing is found pretty much everything i say from that point on will be ignored. because her time of arrival on going out nights has varied from 2:30 to 4:30 there is no way i will get a cop to sit tight. she hasn't been too belligerent and never violent when she comes home. she knows that stuff doesn't work on me. my method of dealing with stupidity is to just stare at her and smile until she runs out. it only makes her (or any drunk idiot) that much angrier. if it came down to it, i wouldn't hesitate to go for the R.O. but i won't manufacture an excuse for one.

03-22-2006, 10:32 PM	#340
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	so i'm having a hard time on the housing situation. our house (and i don't mean to brag) rocks. we both make healthy incomes and we moved before the housing market went stupid. we have a larger than normal lot, with a comfortable mid-sized home with freaking disneyland in the back yard. Pebbletec pool, large putting green and separate chipping area with small sand bunker, flagstone entertainment area with fireplace, bar, grill, seating area, kids play area... and we are at the foot of the mountain. although i can technically afford to buy/build something quite similar i just don't want that large of a monthly expense. BUT, i'm having a hard time finding something in the price range i want that comes even close to my expectations. the condo's across from my office building, which were apartments a year ago are selling for $100K more than i built my current house for. i've been batting around the idea of just renting for 6 months to a year until i can really focus more rationally on my priorities for housing. i just hate to throw away rent money. plus, i can do any home improvement projects tht might keep my mind/body busy. and yes, there is some arrogance about owning my own home. i would like just one easy decision. of course, as my mother pointed out - i should count my blessings that i've got a choice - i'm not forced into a 1 bedroom apartment yadayadayada.

03-23-2006, 08:22 PM	#342
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	that is the problem wolf the cocaine is a very very strong suspicion, but i have no hard proof - only old history that looks a lot like what i am seeing right now. if she isn't using right now, she will be soon. an addict cannot hang out in the places she is with the people she is with and not fall back into it at some point. and yes - i am as clean as the driven snow.

03-24-2006, 01:12 AM	#344
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	yeah, so, i've had a couple of beers. for the first time in 4 months. i miss beer. i miss a lot of things. like not feeling like my life is ending. yeah, i kind of miss that. i had the opportunity to do a few things today that i really really enjoy. or at least i used to enjoy. all i could think is "YOU ARE STEALING EVERY FUCKING DREAM I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY POINTLESS FUCKING LIFE YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" but then i thought i might be overreacting. so i threw a dining room chair through a plasma tv. fortunately i owned it. so she comes home and asks "why is the tv in the trash?" the only rational response i could come up with was, of course, "blow me whore, i'll leave the money on your nightstand." yeah hours later i pretty much feel like shit. as much as i know she deserves every cruel thing i could think to say... i love her. i miss her. the real her. i hate this person that she is. i mourn the person she was. i miss the quiet nights after cam is asleep just watching [i]friends[i]or some other stupid thing. i miss waking up early to talk about our day's plans. i miss looking across the table at some restaurant laughing about what it was like when we were shit poor eating peanut butter for dinner. i miss planning our next vacation. i miss having my hand slapped away after getting out of the shower. i miss telling "the guys" that i was the luckiest man on the planet because i had everything i had ever wanted. i miss standing in a store while a lady flirts with me and my response is to think "oh, she's cute, but nothing compared to Mrs Lookout" instead of "who the fuck cares - she'd only shit on your heart given the chance." i miss my life. i miss my wife. i miss being the confident guy i was just a few short months ago. i miss being something other than the pathetic lump of co-dependent flesh i somehow became. how does this happen? in another thread someone asked "is the cellar real?" fuck yeah it's real. it is midnight and i know i have to be to work to put a smile on my face for my clients in a few short hours. i have tears running down my face. once upon a time i had friends. i had friends standing by that would take a bullet for me. one who did. now i have a bunch of distant aquaintances that remember the old days. they have wives who love them. kids who need them. and i sit alone. everything i have thought, planned, and done in the last 7 years is gone. everything. everything i did before that has been pushed aside or erased for the priorities of the last 7 years. the priority. the woman that i love. the woman who i thought loved me. the lie that i lived. so now i get to sit here and realize i have nothing. well, that isn't true. i have a beautiful son that i want to watch grow into a better man than i can ever be. unfortunately for him, he needs a father who is a better man than i will ever be. so those are my thoughts for the night. so if you are ever sitting around and wondering if the cellar is real - read this thread to assure yourself it is. there is some sorry son of a bitch in phoenix arizona pouring his heart out to you all. anonymous though we may be, you're all i've got. so yeah, to me - the cellar is as real as it gets. thanks for reading my bullshit.

03-24-2006, 02:22 AM	#345
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Hey, Lookout, I'm there in spirit with you tonight. Its pretty late here in Colorado, too, and in the morning, I get to go fight this cold monster in court to try to get some of my disability money back that he appropriated for himself. I'll get to sit in the courtroom alone behind him and his rich new girl friend, and watcher her act all protective and concerned and whisper advise in his ear on how best to avoid even giving me so much as a damn financial accounting and bank statements concerning my own money. I wasn't even married to this SOB and he still walked off with damn near everything I had. There was a time when that man was the "only one I trusted," a time when I loved him with all my heart and soul and thought he was wonderful. People can play some damn nasty tricks, can't they? I'll probably get my ass kicked because I don't have any money for a lawyer, but at least I'll have the knowledge that I didn't just lay down and die, and I fought back with every ounce of spirit I've got in me. And at least I know I have a place to live now and its a place 500 miles from here, thank God! This too shall pass, and I have it on the best of authority that the sun WILL come up in the morning in both Arizona and Colorado. The darkness never wins, Lookout. Invariably the light does return. Here's to the destruction of our enemies and better days ahead for us both. May God bless. - Mari

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