Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 204

Pie · 12-17-2009, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nirvana

Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

I guess that made Elin his highest-paid hooker. I bet she's proud.

Nirvana · 12-17-2009, 12:48 PM

lol@Pie ! But truthfully who would say no to $330 million?

Qice · 12-17-2009, 11:20 AM

muahhhhhhhahhhhah!!
That rocked! thanks for the laugh!

Radar · 12-17-2009, 01:17 PM

I'd let Tiger Woods fuck me for $330 million.

glatt · 12-17-2009, 02:01 PM

Me too. I'd also let him fuck you for $330M.

Gravdigr · 12-17-2009, 03:12 PM

For $330 million, I'll blow Tiger on the courthouse square, and give him an hour to draw a crowd.

toranokaze · 12-17-2009, 05:23 PM

But you don't understand they pay by the pic...

Nirvana · 12-18-2009, 01:45 PM

*

ZenGum · 12-18-2009, 04:06 PM

What do you do with an epileptic lettuce?

Put some bacon with it and call it a seizure salad.

Gravdigr · 12-19-2009, 04:14 PM

xoxoxoBruce · 12-19-2009, 09:31 PM

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the checkride.

Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "Well I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

Nirvana · 12-22-2009, 09:07 AM

*

Yznhymr · 12-31-2009, 10:02 AM

A doctor dies and goes to hell where the devil greets him and tells him that since he was a doctor, and did some good, that he could choose his eternity.

The devil opens the first door. There are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons.

“Oh my God, I don’t want that,” the doctor replies.

The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts.

“That one is even worse!” says the doctor, getting more nervous.

The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses.

“Sign me up for that eternity!” the doctor states.

The devil then slams that door and says, “You can’t go there, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

The doctor asks, “Why can’t I go there?”

The devil replies, “Well . . . that’s nurse hell.”

Shawnee123 · 12-31-2009, 10:17 AM

I am so pissed off. I bought Tiger's book, entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it was about golf.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-31-2009, 10:20 AM

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor’s boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.
“It’s only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age,” the neighbor said.
“Sexuality my ass!” The mother yelled. “He took out her appendix!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got off cheap this year, got my kid a piece of cardboard for Christmas.
Why he wanted an “ex-box”, I’ll never know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"9-11."
"9-11 who?"
"You said you’d never forget!"

12-17-2009, 12:48 PM	#2
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	lol@Pie ! But truthfully who would say no to $330 million? __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

12-17-2009, 11:20 AM	#3
Qice A b**** of the highest caliber Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Land of Enchantment Posts: 114	muahhhhhhhahhhhah!! That rocked! thanks for the laugh! __________________ I like like minded people... a bit like minded anyway.. well people with bits of their minds that are like the bits of my mind that I like

12-17-2009, 01:17 PM	#4
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	I'd let Tiger Woods fuck me for $330 million. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

12-17-2009, 03:12 PM	#6
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	For $330 million, I'll blow Tiger on the courthouse square, and give him an hour to draw a crowd. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

12-17-2009, 05:23 PM	#7
toranokaze I'm still a jerk Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Little Mexico Posts: 1,817	But you don't understand they pay by the pic... __________________ "Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering.

12-17-2009, 02:01 PM	#5
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Me too. I'd also let him fuck you for $330M.

12-18-2009, 01:45 PM	#8
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Dementia- short and sweet... * Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

12-18-2009, 04:06 PM	#9
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	What do you do with an epileptic lettuce? Put some bacon with it and call it a seizure salad. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

12-19-2009, 04:14 PM	#10
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

12-19-2009, 09:31 PM	#11
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "Well I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff." __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-22-2009, 09:07 AM	#12
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Tiger N Santa * Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

12-31-2009, 10:02 AM	#13
Yznhymr the crowd goes wild! Join Date: May 2007 Location: USA Posts: 663	A doctor dies and goes to hell where the devil greets him and tells him that since he was a doctor, and did some good, that he could choose his eternity. The devil opens the first door. There are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons. “Oh my God, I don’t want that,” the doctor replies. The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts. “That one is even worse!” says the doctor, getting more nervous. The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses. “Sign me up for that eternity!” the doctor states. The devil then slams that door and says, “You can’t go there, you weren’t supposed to see that.” The doctor asks, “Why can’t I go there?” The devil replies, “Well . . . that’s nurse hell.” __________________ "The pride system tends to intensify the self-hate against which it is supposed to be a defense, since any failure to live up to one's tyrannical shoulds or of the world to honor one's claims leads to feelings of worthlessness." Bernard J. Paris, Ph.D.

12-31-2009, 10:17 AM	#14
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I am so pissed off. I bought Tiger's book, entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it was about golf. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

12-31-2009, 10:20 AM	#15
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor’s boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. “It’s only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age,” the neighbor said. “Sexuality my ass!” The mother yelled. “He took out her appendix!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I got off cheap this year, got my kid a piece of cardboard for Christmas. Why he wanted an “ex-box”, I’ll never know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "9-11." "9-11 who?" "You said you’d never forget!" __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 12-31-2009 at 10:29 AM.

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