Tales from the Nuthouse: Lest You Think I have a Really Cool Job

[BigV]

Hey wolf:

You mentioned drunk was eventually sufficiently sober to speak, but you did not mention if anywhere in this story he managed to say thank you.

So, on behalf of drunk, thank you.

On behalf of all those who can no longer do for themselves, and who depend on others to help them, thank you for your service, thank you for your compassion. It's a fucked up situation all around, and even though you're the one handling the bodily fluids and parts and endless call buttons and bullshit, the one on the receiving end would swap places with you in a heartbeat.

It sucks to not be able to help one's self anymore, and to have to depend on another this way sucks for everyone, in some way.

So, I want to say thank you.

[mrnoodle]

I dunno. A job where you have to come in any sort of contact with the genitals of a drunken paraplegic warrants hazard pay. Particularly if it's the sort of place where you're likely to have poo thrown at you (or worse). wolf, how do you keep your spirits up around all the whack jobs? I'd be as suicidal as them after awhile.

[wolf]

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

wolf, how do you keep your spirits up around all the whack jobs? I'd be as suicidal as them after awhile.

I don't really have an answer to this.

We question ourselves at work a lot ... why are we doing this.

One of the answers is that we have no marketable job skills.

The truth, of course, is that we do, we just don't have personalities that fit well in private industry. I say fuck all too often, don't know how a corporate power structure works, and would probably strangle myself with the bow on my peter pan collar if I ever had to wear a business suit, or even a skirt on a regular basis.

Part of my personal answer is that this seems to be what I was made to do. I had never laid eyes on a live mental patient until I walked into the hospital 13 years ago this June ... but I'm very comfortable with the population, I'm constantly in a position where I have to think creatively, improvise, and figure out how to make the impossible possible.

I don't usually see blood or body fluids, but yeah, when I do, it's a doozy.

There are a lot of people who come in hating me, thinking I'm a bitch, and making some significant death threats against me. Most of them get over it after the med levels rise high enough in their blood. I've had at least one guy try to kill me, but he only succeeded in breaking my hand.

The fact that I came back after that says a lot ... either I love what I'm doing, or I have some massive fucking bills to pay. Okay, both.

My coworkers and I always talk about getting out. Doing something else. One of them went to school for computer repair ... he has quit three times and come back after what he left for failed to work out. My other partner is getting his MBA and dreams of going to work for a real company. I went to graduate school with the intent of honing my expertise in this field. I go to additional training on Suicide, Critical Incident Stress Management, Disaster Response, Weapons of Mass Destruction not because I have to, but because I want to. I don't have a license to maintain. I don't need continuning education credits, but I love this stuff.

Our current "exit plan" is that we'll all quit when the shrink quits ... he has decided that he will retire to Ghana, where he is building a very beautiful house (we've seen pictures) to raise snails and sell them for an obscene profit to the French. We will spend the mornings tending to the snails, making sure they are properly shaded, watered, happy and free of salt, then we will spend the afternoon on the veranda, smoking the finest Ghanian weed, drinking Palm Wine, and being refreshed by the cooling breezes. I will be the Director of Snail Security, and keep the snails safe from banditry.

Unforunately, he won't be retiring right away.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by wolf

We will spend the mornings tending to the snails, making sure they are properly shaded, watered, happy and free of salt, then we will spend the afternoon on the veranda, smoking the finest Ghanian weed, drinking Palm Wine, and being refreshed by the cooling breezes. I will be the Director of Snail Security, and keep the snails safe from banditry.

Unforunately, he won't be retiring right away.

You mean I'll have to move to Africa in order to get you to be my elder care provider?

[darclauz]

Originally Posted by wolf

..to raise snails and sell them for an obscene profit to the French. We will spend the mornings tending to the snails, making sure they are properly shaded, watered, happy and free of salt........

(in my best shrink voice)

Tell me about keeping snails free of salt. What comes up? What surfaces?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Let them work it out themselves.

[Troubleshooter]

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

...Particularly if it's the sort of place where you're likely to have poo thrown at you...

Or one of my favorite variants...

Having to administer enemas to schizophrenics who either:

a) refuse to take a dump or,
b) really like having an enema...

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Troubleshooter

Or one of my favorite variants...

Having to administer enemas to schizophrenics who either:

a) refuse to take a dump or,
b) really like having an enema...

isn't this just one guy??

[Troubleshooter]

Originally Posted by BigV

isn't this just one guy??

Depends on the day of the week and the celestial alignment.

[Undertoad]

I think the guy who did the actual scan just held it out of the way, or the nurse held it out of the way. I don't remember, all I remember is that the door to the hall was open and the radiology tech was cracking jokes.

[richlevy]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

I think the guy who did the actual scan just held it out of the way, or the nurse held it out of the way. I don't remember, all I remember is that the door to the hall was open and the radiology tech was cracking jokes.

Do you remember any of them?

Scrotal ultrasounds? I guess I should have expected that on a thread titled "Tales from the Nuthouse".

[Undertoad]

It turned out to be a cyst.

[wolf]

A lot is going to depend on what happens the next time the Ghanian government destablizes ... they're about due. This could cause the plans to change.

[zippyt]

sick , sick puppys ALL !!!!!!!

[Nightsong]

when I was but a prevert, still a little young for total pervert, I had surgery. IT was a kidney related surgery and I had to check into hospital the first day of summer. My parents were having a pool installed at home that week and I would be unable to swim in it until some time in August. My best friend was flying in and I wouldnot be able to go see him for a while. On top of all this I was in the Naval hospital and since I was still under 18 I had to be in the pediatric ward. Most of my room mates were at least half my age.
My favorite aunt was an RN. For fun at her house I use to read her medical books. one of these was an intro to psych text. At the time I considered that direction for a career.
The reason for this long winded into, at the half way point of my first stay in hospital a doctor walked into my ward and asked to check my surgical batch. He asked if I was in pain. I said no. He asked if I minded the tube running out of my back. I said no. He asked if I was upset my summer was being ruined by this. About this time I became suspisious. Let me add here that my doctor learned quick that even at 14 I understood most of what he told me. I also demanded to be told what he was doing and what meds he gave me. The doctor actually liked it. He was use to adults and it made me easier to deal with. This doctor failed to properly introduce himself. I began to get very derpessed suddenly. I started picking at my blanket and answering in monotone. I refused to look at him. THings like that. My answers to his questions got steadily stranger till he noticed I had changed too quick and asked me in an odd voice "DO you knw why I am here?" I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Arent you going to ask me how I feel about my mother?" I smiled. The shrink got pissed and walked out. The nurse said he told her he didnt have time to deal with smartass teenagers. He returned the next day and introduced himself as the Ward shrink and that he wanted to talk to me about my stay. I invited him to sit down and after that we had good visits.
No offense Wolf but I often wondered if some psych students dont take it more to help themselves then others. I know I got interested because my whole family is full of nuts.