What is a relationship? - Page 2

Catwoman · 03-04-2005, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

If you don't want to stop fishing, don't get married.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beestie

Wrong? Its been working for several thousand years. And how do we raise children in a world without families?

No, the myth of singular love has been believed for several thousand years. It's what keeps the family unit together. I'm not saying it's wrong to have children, and I'm certainly not saying the family unit is ineffective in its task - in fact it is one of the most sophisticated evolutionary mechanisms in nature.

OnyxCougar · 03-07-2005, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

The whole point of marriage is that you are making a promise to choose the exclusive relationship. Of course there are more fish in the sea. You are making a promise to ignore those other fish. If you don't want to stop fishing, don't get married.

Amen.

I think relational labels are like ANY words....merely words. They describe ones relationship to another for the purpose of (1) telling other people what they mean to you in a shorthand fashion and (2) sometimes telling yourself what a person means to you.

The problem is when people don't agree on what that descriptive label means. "Wife" to one person may mean exclusivity, while to another it's simply the person I come home to every night and breed with.

The important part of any relationship is not what you call it, but what you do with it.

Undertoad · 03-04-2005, 11:47 AM

If a practice crosses almost all cultural lines through history, there's probably something psychobiological about it.

cjjulie · 03-04-2005, 07:15 PM

I have no intention on leaving my husband. We have built a wonderful life together and our sex life has been AMAZING. We both have crushes on other people, and we both think it is healthy. It keeps it hot to know that others are attracted to you and you are attracted to others.

Catwoman · 03-07-2005, 08:59 AM

limey, the making a pass at a friend's partner thing - this is what I mean about ownership. Why is it wrong to come on to this person? No one else is in control of your actions. And if the partner chooses to reciprocate - that is their choice. Your mate can like it or lump it.

There was this fat old ugly bird in the pub the other night who was flirting with 'my' bloke - stroking his hair and stuff. 1) I can't do anything about it because it's her choice to flirt 2) it's already happening so even if I could do something about it (like slap her) IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING and 3) if he wanted to fuck her there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, whether we are in a relationship or not. Don't you see, it's his choice. And it would be the same the other way round. My choice.

Now, of course I can choose to abide by rules in a relationship. But the minute my true choice contradicts with these rules (and it will) is the moment to change them.

cjjulie · 03-08-2005, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catwoman

There was this fat old ugly bird in the pub the other night who was flirting with 'my' bloke - stroking his hair and stuff. 1) I can't do anything about it because it's her choice to flirt 2) it's already happening so even if I could do something about it (like slap her) IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING and 3) if he wanted to fuck her there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, whether we are in a relationship or not. Don't you see, it's his choice. And it would be the same the other way round. My choice.

Cat, if he didn't do anything to stop this big fat chick, then he is obviously not commited to the relationship and that would be the reason you are questioning everything. If it doesn't come naturally its not right....

Brown Thrasher · 03-08-2005, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cjjulie

Cat, if he didn't do anything to stop this big fat chick, then he is obviously not commited to the relationship and that would be the reason you are questioning everything. If it doesn't come naturally its not right....

Wouldn't one wonder, why he was allowing a big fat chick flirt with him. Maybe it's a fetish, or he is trying to tell you something......

cjjulie · 03-08-2005, 09:51 PM

So what your saying is it is *____________* formerly known as a relationship.

What are you so afraid of?

Brown Thrasher · 03-08-2005, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cjjulie

So what your saying is it is *____________* formerly known as a relationship.

What are you so afraid of?

I'd find out if he had a thing for fat chicks. If so, either get fat or leave him. If you don,t like that idea, the next time your in the pub, flirt with the fattest bloat there. He will get the idea one way or another.
If you were asking me what iwas afraid of, I would have to say my sanity or lack of......

limey · 03-08-2005, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catwoman

Now, of course I can choose to abide by rules in a relationship. But the minute my true choice contradicts with these rules (and it will) is the moment to change them.

Yes, it's all about choices. When your true choice coincides with not wanting to go off on a whim and fuck someone other than "your" "bloke", then you may know what a committed relationship is about.
That sounds very po-faced and I don't mean it to, it's just that I no longer think that being led by my hormones is what I truly want, and I see that as part of the maturing process. And that sounds snotty, too ... hey ho.

wolf · 03-07-2005, 01:04 PM

You don't have a "relationship" then. You have a fuckbuddy.

jaguar · 03-07-2005, 01:44 PM

Why? Where's the line? What exactly did cat say that crosses that? Most of it seemed to be facts to me, she can't do anything directly, just admonish later or end it.

Catwoman · 03-08-2005, 04:56 AM

He he he wolf. He he he. We have a debate about labels and she labels me!!

Ah, I'm not going to get through am I.

Catwoman · 03-08-2005, 09:46 AM

It's not a relationship! I put 'my' bloke in inverted commas for a reason! Is no one understanding this!

jinx · 03-08-2005, 09:54 AM

If its not a relationship then who cares if someone was flirting with him, why even bring it up?
When you're in a relationship cat, you'll know it. It still won't matter if someone flirts, but that will be because of confidence, not aloofness.

03-04-2005, 07:15 PM	#4
cjjulie Colonist Extraordinaire Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: CT Posts: 201	I have no intention on leaving my husband. We have built a wonderful life together and our sex life has been AMAZING. We both have crushes on other people, and we both think it is healthy. It keeps it hot to know that others are attracted to you and you are attracted to others. __________________ Fun,Fearless,Female

03-07-2005, 08:59 AM	#5
Catwoman stalking a Tom Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: on the edge of the english channel Posts: 1,000	limey, the making a pass at a friend's partner thing - this is what I mean about ownership. Why is it wrong to come on to this person? No one else is in control of your actions. And if the partner chooses to reciprocate - that is their choice. Your mate can like it or lump it. There was this fat old ugly bird in the pub the other night who was flirting with 'my' bloke - stroking his hair and stuff. 1) I can't do anything about it because it's her choice to flirt 2) it's already happening so even if I could do something about it (like slap her) IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING and 3) if he wanted to fuck her there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, whether we are in a relationship or not. Don't you see, it's his choice. And it would be the same the other way round. My choice. Now, of course I can choose to abide by rules in a relationship. But the minute my true choice contradicts with these rules (and it will) is the moment to change them. __________________ I've decided I'm not going to have a signature anymore.

03-08-2005, 09:51 PM	#8
cjjulie Colonist Extraordinaire Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: CT Posts: 201	So what your saying is it is ____________ formerly known as a relationship. What are you so afraid of? __________________ Fun,Fearless,Female

03-07-2005, 01:04 PM	#11
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	You don't have a "relationship" then. You have a fuckbuddy. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

03-07-2005, 01:44 PM	#12
jaguar whig Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 5,075	Why? Where's the line? What exactly did cat say that crosses that? Most of it seemed to be facts to me, she can't do anything directly, just admonish later or end it. __________________ Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Twain

03-04-2005, 11:47 AM	#3
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	If a practice crosses almost all cultural lines through history, there's probably something psychobiological about it.

03-08-2005, 04:56 AM	#13
Catwoman stalking a Tom Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: on the edge of the english channel Posts: 1,000	He he he wolf. He he he. We have a debate about labels and she labels me!! Ah, I'm not going to get through am I. __________________ I've decided I'm not going to have a signature anymore.

03-08-2005, 09:46 AM	#14
Catwoman stalking a Tom Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: on the edge of the english channel Posts: 1,000	It's not a relationship! I put 'my' bloke in inverted commas for a reason! Is no one understanding this! __________________ I've decided I'm not going to have a signature anymore.

03-08-2005, 09:54 AM	#15
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	If its not a relationship then who cares if someone was flirting with him, why even bring it up? When you're in a relationship cat, you'll know it. It still won't matter if someone flirts, but that will be because of confidence, not aloofness. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

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