You Must Control Your Temper! - Page 2

lookout123 · 07-21-2004, 01:47 PM

i can understand their concern but i also understand how effect of a release it can be to just keep firing until your hands start to ache. my sig was much more effective for that type of release than my current springfield XD.

wolf · 07-21-2004, 02:06 PM

I got a blister on my trigger finger.

limey · 07-21-2004, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sun_Sparkz

... but if any of you have any advice on how to help me control my anger, any techniques, philosophies.. please post them! (or else!)

Is your anger related to what has set you off, or is it a delayed reaction to something else that is bothering you? If you have trouble expressing anger, maybe you avoid it where it is legitimate, only to have it expode out of you for what you know (later, perhaps) is no reason at all. Wolf is right, you need to be able to allow yourself to be angry without it being destructive.

When you blow up at the boyfriend, try using "I feel.." sentences, rather than "You make me ..." sentences: at least that way you are simply expressing how you feel, and not having a go at him.

Just a few suggestions ... good luck.

ladysycamore · 07-21-2004, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sun_Sparkz

I know this is probably a pathetic thread, and I'm sorry to babble on about my problems, but if any of you have any advice on how to help me control my anger, any techniques, philosophies.. please post them! (or else!)

Ah darn I was going to suggest the deep breathing, but that doesn't work for everyone.

I agree with those who say to express the anger, but to not allow it to be destructive. Also good idea what limey expressed: tell them that you feel a certain way when they do or say something that brings up the anger.

Careful though: I tried to do that with my mother, and she basically tried to put everything on me ("you're just too defensive and sensitive" because she's just too perfect to be flawed...ha!). Everything she has done has been for the good of my well being, even if it was being the opposite. Ah well, I figured it was useless to try and change her, so now I handle her differently.

At any rate, good luck with the anger management. Trust me, I understand.

Sun_Sparkz · 07-21-2004, 06:52 PM

Wow you have all made some really good suggestions - 1000 thank yous!

Last night and this morning I tried to just be nice, and then assess the things that were making me angry before i actually exploded.

I think a huge part of it is that all the wonderful and nice things people do for me, I put them in the archive box out the back of my mind, but the bad things that have happened, or naughty things someone has done - well they are all sitting in the easy reach files of my brain. So as soon as someone does one thing that may be minor (eg. Come home an hour late, leave the milk out) I immediently grab hold of 10 other similar instances and this starts a chain reaction which gets me really angry, and then i come across as phycotic because i am exploding over something trivial.

Now that i have realised that its getting out of control its a lot easier to stop and say to myself.. now does that action of someone elses really warrant my losing my temper? The hard part is just keeping my cool enough to think "No, i'll just say how i feel and move on"

It has REALLY helped just recognising this behaviour, and also talking about it and having some people understand where i'm coming from.. THANKS GUYS!!

xoxoxoBruce · 07-21-2004, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladysycamore

Careful though: I tried to do that with my mother, and she basically tried to put everything on me ("you're just too defensive and sensitive" because she's just too perfect to be flawed...ha!). Everything she has done has been for the good of my well being, even if it was being the opposite. Ah well, I figured it was useless to try and change her, so now I handle her differently.

Oh my God

Rho, this means you're my sister.

lookout123 · 07-21-2004, 07:10 PM

a few years ago my explosive temper was getting the better of me. i stopped to take a look at my life and realized that i took really major things in stride, i wouldn't complain or speak my mind... i let the world walk all over me. (when my ex-wife left i helped her load the truck and then asked if she was sure that she didn't want to take anything else

)
later i would explode over something really trivial and unimportant. i figured out that i needed to voice my displeasure over the large things in a calm, rational, but forceful manner - when i re-learned to do that, i was able to quit exploding over the small things. i still find myself slipping that way sometimes, but now i know what i need to do.
don't know if that helps or not.

ladysycamore · 07-21-2004, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Oh my God

Rho, this means you're my sister.

*cracking up!!!!* OMG whaddup bro?

russotto · 07-22-2004, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by evansk7

That's the upshot to a job that involves writing software for non life-or-death applications. Your fingers can do all the work while your brain shuts down for an 8.5 hour nap, and then it's time to go home.

Oh, it's the same way for life-or-death applications. Not that MY software ever killed anyone. That I know of.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-22-2004, 07:36 PM

Quote:

(when my ex-wife left i helped her load the truck and then asked if she was sure that she didn't want to take anything else

Bwahahahaha. Been there, done that.

SouthOfNoNorth · 07-26-2004, 08:55 PM

you could always try a martial art. nothing can compare with the rush of satisfaction, release, and relaxation that comes with kicking someone in the ribs and hearing their breath rush out in a comical "whooosh". this, of course, should all be done from a mental/spiritual/emotional place of complete zen-like calm

.

Lady Sidhe · 08-12-2004, 03:39 PM

Go to wal-mart. Get two of those long foam floaty thingies (that's the technical term, I believe), and when you get mad, hand one to the person you're mad at, keep one for yourself, and let the foam fly. You get your frustration out, no one gets hurt, and it's funny.

Sidhe

Tomas Rueda · 08-13-2004, 01:28 PM

SunSparks:

(voice of Dr. Phill) Ok, now what you have to realize is not what/whom are you angry at, but why does it come up. There are several reasons,

things don't work out
people fail you at times
circumstances beyond your control

If it is #1, go to the person responsible for the action and calmly ask him/her, not what went wrong, but if they can fix it,(not for you either, say some other people first, then you)

If it is #2, try to understand that people are not perfect, very few are excelent, most are good, and almost all are average. Realize that people in today's society face a lot(I really mean a lot) of pressure, (if circumstances were on the Dow, They would read something like, Stakes rose 54.4 points today, closing at 10,887,648 points. Along with Standards & Demands, which rose 79.4 points to close at 499,521,684 points.) People come and people go, and on the way, they might skip a red light. Just talk to that person and let them know (Calmly, of course) that you noticed that imperfection and that you expect them to improve. Give them time also. People of all walks, Billionaires, Millionaires, Rich, Poor, Desperate, etc, are all suffering from Poverty. Not from money, but of time. They just can't cram another activity into their schedules. People scream at microwaves, get anxious about instant coffee, etc. Simply put yourself in the other person's shes and try to understand that is not completly their fault.

If it is #3, Do not be defeated. Understand that the greates freedom one can have is not letting to be controlled by circumstances. Things might look at its bleakest, but it doesn't nessesarily mean that you have to act bleakly too. It is hard, I'm saying that first hand. but with time, you will find that it is possible. Dr. Frankl was the person who worded the idea, but it was created since biblical times.

finnally, John 8:32 says that the truth shall set you free. You might want to examine your wordind to see if there is any lies, or anything that is less that thruthful, even if it has <1% of lies, get rid of it.

07-21-2004, 01:47 PM	#16
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	i can understand their concern but i also understand how effect of a release it can be to just keep firing until your hands start to ache. my sig was much more effective for that type of release than my current springfield XD. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

07-21-2004, 02:06 PM	#17
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I got a blister on my trigger finger. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

07-21-2004, 06:52 PM	#20
Sun_Sparkz Has Body Temperature Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: I come from a land downunder Posts: 1,105	Wow you have all made some really good suggestions - 1000 thank yous! Last night and this morning I tried to just be nice, and then assess the things that were making me angry before i actually exploded. I think a huge part of it is that all the wonderful and nice things people do for me, I put them in the archive box out the back of my mind, but the bad things that have happened, or naughty things someone has done - well they are all sitting in the easy reach files of my brain. So as soon as someone does one thing that may be minor (eg. Come home an hour late, leave the milk out) I immediently grab hold of 10 other similar instances and this starts a chain reaction which gets me really angry, and then i come across as phycotic because i am exploding over something trivial. Now that i have realised that its getting out of control its a lot easier to stop and say to myself.. now does that action of someone elses really warrant my losing my temper? The hard part is just keeping my cool enough to think "No, i'll just say how i feel and move on" It has REALLY helped just recognising this behaviour, and also talking about it and having some people understand where i'm coming from.. THANKS GUYS!! __________________ We'll never be as young as we are right now

07-21-2004, 07:10 PM	#22
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	a few years ago my explosive temper was getting the better of me. i stopped to take a look at my life and realized that i took really major things in stride, i wouldn't complain or speak my mind... i let the world walk all over me. (when my ex-wife left i helped her load the truck and then asked if she was sure that she didn't want to take anything else ) later i would explode over something really trivial and unimportant. i figured out that i needed to voice my displeasure over the large things in a calm, rational, but forceful manner - when i re-learned to do that, i was able to quit exploding over the small things. i still find myself slipping that way sometimes, but now i know what i need to do. don't know if that helps or not. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

07-26-2004, 08:55 PM	#26
SouthOfNoNorth Colloquialist Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa Posts: 77	you could always try a martial art. nothing can compare with the rush of satisfaction, release, and relaxation that comes with kicking someone in the ribs and hearing their breath rush out in a comical "whooosh". this, of course, should all be done from a mental/spiritual/emotional place of complete zen-like calm . __________________ Don't you worry about the day-glo orange life preserver, it won't save you. Swim for the shores just as fast as you're able.....

08-12-2004, 03:39 PM	#27
Lady Sidhe That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.... Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Hammond, La. Posts: 978	Go to wal-mart. Get two of those long foam floaty thingies (that's the technical term, I believe), and when you get mad, hand one to the person you're mad at, keep one for yourself, and let the foam fly. You get your frustration out, no one gets hurt, and it's funny. Sidhe __________________ My free will...I never leave home without it. --House Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. -Rita Rudner

08-13-2004, 01:28 PM	#28
Tomas Rueda Master of the Domain Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Beaumont Tx 77701 Posts: 229	SunSparks: (voice of Dr. Phill) Ok, now what you have to realize is not what/whom are you angry at, but why does it come up. There are several reasons, things don't work out people fail you at times circumstances beyond your control If it is #1, go to the person responsible for the action and calmly ask him/her, not what went wrong, but if they can fix it,(not for you either, say some other people first, then you) If it is #2, try to understand that people are not perfect, very few are excelent, most are good, and almost all are average. Realize that people in today's society face a lot(I really mean a lot) of pressure, (if circumstances were on the Dow, They would read something like, Stakes rose 54.4 points today, closing at 10,887,648 points. Along with Standards & Demands, which rose 79.4 points to close at 499,521,684 points.) People come and people go, and on the way, they might skip a red light. Just talk to that person and let them know (Calmly, of course) that you noticed that imperfection and that you expect them to improve. Give them time also. People of all walks, Billionaires, Millionaires, Rich, Poor, Desperate, etc, are all suffering from Poverty. Not from money, but of time. They just can't cram another activity into their schedules. People scream at microwaves, get anxious about instant coffee, etc. Simply put yourself in the other person's shes and try to understand that is not completly their fault. If it is #3, Do not be defeated. Understand that the greates freedom one can have is not letting to be controlled by circumstances. Things might look at its bleakest, but it doesn't nessesarily mean that you have to act bleakly too. It is hard, I'm saying that first hand. but with time, you will find that it is possible. Dr. Frankl was the person who worded the idea, but it was created since biblical times. finnally, John 8:32 says that the truth shall set you free. You might want to examine your wordind to see if there is any lies, or anything that is less that thruthful, even if it has <1% of lies, get rid of it. __________________ Tom@s _____Rueda

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