Neglecting Neighborly Norms - Page 2

Aliantha · 01-23-2013, 06:55 AM

Here's a mummy's pride post. Eva rolled from her back to her front today and she's not even quite 4 months old. Such an achiever. hehe

She also did a big huge shit. I think she was prouder of the shit.

Clodfobble · 01-23-2013, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolatl

Oh, I'm not freaked out and it certainly won't escalate to restraining orders. She does mean well and is just trying desperately to befriend me. Like Ali said, she just picked an awkward time to try! She's very sweet -- she just is very extroverted in her attempts and has not noticed that I am incredibly introverted.

She's also probably got a severe case of biological clock ticking. What you should do, assuming you don't want to just completely offend and get rid of her, is to directly assign her something she can do for you, to make her feel like she's helping. Send her to the store for diapers, ask her to fold your laundry or mop your kitchen floor while you and Bean take a nap. Give her enough chores and if she doesn't back off, at least you'll get a clean house out of the deal.

Sundae · 01-23-2013, 10:12 AM

When my Mum's friend became ill, many of her friends from London would turn up at very short notice (like call from outside the house!) and want her to go through all the gory details, then try to sympathise by telling her their own life problems.

Whereas Mum called in advance and went round and did the housework.

Breda treated them all the same - she was quiet but she genuinely loved people.

Everyone won anyway. Her other friends went away feeling they'd done a good thing and Mum came home all self-righteous about the way she was doing things and simultaneously bitching about the state of the house and how she thought no-one had ever cleaned behind the cupboards.

I'd hate it if a neighbour crashed my house without notice.
But then I tend to hide myself away and avoid company.
Like you say - she's extrovert and impulsive, but kind. Asking her to help in some way might not fulfil her needs or help you be any more comfortable. If she was more practical she would already have offered, rather than turning up late with a cake.

If you think you want her in your life, put up with a little. I did this with a cow-orker and she really stood by me in times of need. Infuriating woman at times - I only learned she had a heart of gold when I needed it. She learned not to cross my boundaries after repeated deferrals.

I know you know this and were venting.
I often do it and then reread the post and think - yeah, that's what I felt at that moment. Just not now.

A cutesy sign on the door isn't a bad idea though.
I was always tempted to put one up "Night Worker Sleeping" to deter anyone who might want to talk in business hours. Then I realised bailifss don't keep business hours

footfootfoot · 01-23-2013, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

I've seen parents throw the two week old kid in the back seat of a TR-4, and go on a picnic.

For some reason this came to mind.

monster · 01-23-2013, 10:43 AM

If you have dogs that bark at visitors, the sooner Beans learns to sleep through that the better off she will be. If the house really is on fire and she needs to wake up, they'll bark a whole damn lot more. Don't create a rod for your own back (and hers) by raising a child who needs silence to sleep. Sounds like you already have a handle on that, but doesn't hurt to hear it from other places. Certainly don't allow your schedule/life be ruled by the baby. Unless you want to be a pageant mom.

As for the neighbor, she isn't allowed to rule your life either and the fact that it's bothering you enough that you need to vent says it's time for action. You are correct, after 8pm is unreasonable -baby or not, except in unusual circumstances. I wouldn't use the baby as an excuse, though, unless you're happy for her to come a-knocking the minute official baby-hood is over. The most straighforward thing is not to answer the door. Just like with a child, it is attention-seeking behaviour and any attention feeds it. Can you intall a doorbell that you can turn off after a certain time? Or get really fancy and fix one that only works during certain times. If nything is a true emergency, people will hammer on your door. You can put a note on it saying "doorbell only operational between 6am and 8pm" you don't need to say why, it's your home, not a place of business or a service you are required to provide.

Regarding her friendship overtures, could you invite her to walk with you sometime when you take beans out? that way she's not in your house and it's easier for you to brig the heart-to-heart to an end and leave it at the end of your driveway. If you trust her and want to give her a job, you could ask her to either push athe stroller or hold the dogs' leads or something. (could you train the dogs to drag her off somewhere and slobber her to death?)

monster · 01-23-2013, 10:50 AM

Hey, put a note on your door explaining that due to the economy, there will be a porchlight surcharge for callers after 8pm.... worked for the airlines......

BigV · 01-23-2013, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolatl

Must be nice!

Beans is a light sleeper, so keeping her asleep once she falls asleep is in the best interest of my sanity.

Like monster said, your sanity will be better preserved by having a baby that can sleep with regular levels of noise, including dogs. It's a harder row to hoe, AT FIRST, but not even close to how hard it will be to maintain quiet sleeping conditions indefinitely. I promise you, she will learn to sleep despite noise, even if the it's rough in the beginning. Really. Trust me.

monster · 01-23-2013, 11:06 AM

*nods in complete agreement* ##world ends##

Chocolatl · 01-23-2013, 12:10 PM

Beans does sleep through regular noise -- as mentioned, she slept through last night's unexpected visit.

But when there's someone at the door the dogs bark like their asses are on fire -- it's not something I would expect any reasonable human being to sleep through.

I appreciate everyone's advice. I just meant to tell about something I found annoying -- I'm not at my wit's end about it or anything.

glatt · 01-23-2013, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolatl

I appreciate everyone's advice.

Sure you do.

Clodfobble · 01-23-2013, 02:24 PM

I once posted about doorbells and my sleeping children here. Over a year later, and the situation is still the same!

Chocolatl · 01-23-2013, 02:44 PM

Nice!

I usually open the door to sales people and politely decline whatever they're selling because I know they're just trying to do their jobs and get a paycheck. That said, I agree that many are douchebags.

I lost count of how many salespeople have asked me if my (read in patronizing tone) "mom or dad" was home after seeing me at the door. I get it, I look young. A few politely asked if I was the lady of the house, which I found pretty respectful and also functional.

One winner though, asked if my mom or dad was home while looking over my shoulder.
"I'm the homeowner."
-"Wow! Really? You look so young!"
"I'm 25." (27 now.)
-"Really? You look like you could be in high school."
"I TEACH high school."
-"Ha! Really? Wow, I just thought you were like 15 or something... are you sure?"
"..."

01-23-2013, 06:55 AM	#16
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Here's a mummy's pride post. Eva rolled from her back to her front today and she's not even quite 4 months old. Such an achiever. hehe She also did a big huge shit. I think she was prouder of the shit. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

01-23-2013, 10:12 AM	#18
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	When my Mum's friend became ill, many of her friends from London would turn up at very short notice (like call from outside the house!) and want her to go through all the gory details, then try to sympathise by telling her their own life problems. Whereas Mum called in advance and went round and did the housework. Breda treated them all the same - she was quiet but she genuinely loved people. Everyone won anyway. Her other friends went away feeling they'd done a good thing and Mum came home all self-righteous about the way she was doing things and simultaneously bitching about the state of the house and how she thought no-one had ever cleaned behind the cupboards. I'd hate it if a neighbour crashed my house without notice. But then I tend to hide myself away and avoid company. Like you say - she's extrovert and impulsive, but kind. Asking her to help in some way might not fulfil her needs or help you be any more comfortable. If she was more practical she would already have offered, rather than turning up late with a cake. If you think you want her in your life, put up with a little. I did this with a cow-orker and she really stood by me in times of need. Infuriating woman at times - I only learned she had a heart of gold when I needed it. She learned not to cross my boundaries after repeated deferrals. I know you know this and were venting. I often do it and then reread the post and think - yeah, that's what I felt at that moment. Just not now. A cutesy sign on the door isn't a bad idea though. I was always tempted to put one up "Night Worker Sleeping" to deter anyone who might want to talk in business hours. Then I realised bailifss don't keep business hours __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

01-23-2013, 10:43 AM	#20
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	If you have dogs that bark at visitors, the sooner Beans learns to sleep through that the better off she will be. If the house really is on fire and she needs to wake up, they'll bark a whole damn lot more. Don't create a rod for your own back (and hers) by raising a child who needs silence to sleep. Sounds like you already have a handle on that, but doesn't hurt to hear it from other places. Certainly don't allow your schedule/life be ruled by the baby. Unless you want to be a pageant mom. As for the neighbor, she isn't allowed to rule your life either and the fact that it's bothering you enough that you need to vent says it's time for action. You are correct, after 8pm is unreasonable -baby or not, except in unusual circumstances. I wouldn't use the baby as an excuse, though, unless you're happy for her to come a-knocking the minute official baby-hood is over. The most straighforward thing is not to answer the door. Just like with a child, it is attention-seeking behaviour and any attention feeds it. Can you intall a doorbell that you can turn off after a certain time? Or get really fancy and fix one that only works during certain times. If nything is a true emergency, people will hammer on your door. You can put a note on it saying "doorbell only operational between 6am and 8pm" you don't need to say why, it's your home, not a place of business or a service you are required to provide. Regarding her friendship overtures, could you invite her to walk with you sometime when you take beans out? that way she's not in your house and it's easier for you to brig the heart-to-heart to an end and leave it at the end of your driveway. If you trust her and want to give her a job, you could ask her to either push athe stroller or hold the dogs' leads or something. (could you train the dogs to drag her off somewhere and slobber her to death?) __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-23-2013, 10:50 AM	#21
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Hey, put a note on your door explaining that due to the economy, there will be a porchlight surcharge for callers after 8pm.... worked for the airlines...... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-23-2013, 11:06 AM	#23
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	nods in complete agreement ##world ends## __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-23-2013, 12:10 PM	#24
Chocolatl Glutton for Gluttony Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 1,409	Beans does sleep through regular noise -- as mentioned, she slept through last night's unexpected visit. But when there's someone at the door the dogs bark like their asses are on fire -- it's not something I would expect any reasonable human being to sleep through. I appreciate everyone's advice. I just meant to tell about something I found annoying -- I'm not at my wit's end about it or anything.

01-23-2013, 02:24 PM	#26
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I once posted about doorbells and my sleeping children here. Over a year later, and the situation is still the same! __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

01-23-2013, 02:44 PM	#27
Chocolatl Glutton for Gluttony Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 1,409	Nice! I usually open the door to sales people and politely decline whatever they're selling because I know they're just trying to do their jobs and get a paycheck. That said, I agree that many are douchebags. I lost count of how many salespeople have asked me if my (read in patronizing tone) "mom or dad" was home after seeing me at the door. I get it, I look young. A few politely asked if I was the lady of the house, which I found pretty respectful and also functional. One winner though, asked if my mom or dad was home while looking over my shoulder. "I'm the homeowner." -"Wow! Really? You look so young!" "I'm 25." (27 now.) -"Really? You look like you could be in high school." "I TEACH high school." -"Ha! Really? Wow, I just thought you were like 15 or something... are you sure?" "..."

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