the lie thread

[kerosene]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

I told you not to rub that tic-tac powder on your hoohoo...

Sorry about the "he" thing. I had a feeling when I posted that...I thought it was gas.

Actually, I am quite enjoying being a girl. When does the effect wear off?

And nice, plt. Taken out by an 8 year old. And now I know why grav turned me into a girl. So he could go on a date with me!

I met Gravdigr one day in the mountains of Montana. I was there on a camping trip with SamIam. We were in a very remote area of the woods when we heard a strange noise coming from the woods. We thought it was a bear and when we saw Grav, we still thought he was a bear, so I began shooting with my shotgun, but being the terrible shot I am, I missed (with a shotgun!) Luckily I missed, though, because Grav started mumbling unintelligibly for a while and we realized he was a man who had been raised by bears. We decided to civilize him, so we put him in the back of my truck and we took him into town. Eventually, he was able to get a job as a nurse, although, learning all those fancy medical terms seemed like it took him a while. He married SamIam and I believe they had a passel of kids.

[Sundae]

I first met Gravdigr when he was receiving an honorary doctorate in Chemical Pharmacology from St Cross College, Oxford. He was being recognised for his work in drug discovery and delivered an introduction to his groundbreaking paper comparing and contrasting developments in both the American and Afghan fields, sponsored by Dunkin Donuts.

Obviously he was mobbed by both Fellows and Dons at the reception held afterwards, and which I admit I actually gatecrashed. Well, crashed into really. I managed to recognise him too, and we had a spirited discussion about whether he had any further ground that need breaking, and where I might discover some available grass in the field.

I separated him from the mob, for which he showed great appreciation, and also provided him with paper during a sticky situation in the Gents. He decided to blow that buffet, although I think that might have been the vol-au-vents. As a result the evening ended with both of us being pulled from the bed of Isis, whence we had descended via the Bird and Baby.

His connections had him released hours before me, so it was a sodden and stumbling Sundae mourning. I hope to see him again, from the moment of our separation I missed his gravity, his grace and the grand I lent him to further his studies into pharmacology.

[plthijinx]

sundae that was awesome!

and kero? big grin just big griiiiin!

but really how kerosene and i met was this:

she was on a date with gravedgr at the go kart track. they were swerving, bumping, slamming just being downright wreckless and careless! i got on them for their antics but not before gravedgr sucker punched me in the nose. so what did i do? i wiped my bloody nose on grave;s pants leg and told an 8 year old girl to take out kero, which she did mind you. little did kero know that the little girl was already a black belt in aikido! so since then we have become friends to this day. although i think i met kero on a flight i had that was zapped by a UFO and caused us to crash in the pacific but maybe that was a dream.....hmmmm.

[Shawnee123]

I will never forget the day I met kerosene. I was on holiday in Tuscany (or maybe I was vacationing in Cleveland.) It was an unseasonably warm (or cold) day in October (or November) and I noticed a lovely artist selling her paintings on a cobblestoned street (or the intersection of St Clair and 55th.) I inquired about the price of a particular piece that caught my eye, and she replied "you seem a kind soul, here...take this painting with my blessing. May it bring you years of happiness."

We went out for coffee (or shots of Tequila with beer chasers) at a lovely open air cafe (or the Hard Rock Cafe) and had a long chat (or rant) about the meaning of life and all the beauty in the world (or about the drunk guy at the bar who couldn't stop leering.) We exchanged phone numbers (or email addresses) and promised to keep in touch.

Some moments you just never forget.

Wait, who was I talking about?

[Sundae]

I first met Shawnee on an elective surgery ward.
I was in for anal bleaching - I never heard what she was in for and the first rule of elective surgery is you never talk about elective surgery. The second rule is of course you show the scars to anyone who does ask.

She woke me up, truth be told. She was high on something (following her surgery I presume) and calling for beers and pot and strippers. Part of me admired her spirit, and the other part of me thought "Shut the fuck up bitch, some of us have Drainol up the chuffer and need to sleep."

As I came around the second time I was amazed to see that her demands had been granted. I started yelling for Shakespeare and afternoon tea, and possibly John Barrowman. I would have screamed til my throat bled, but Shawnee, in a fit of conscience unusual for her, informed me that her treats were actually from grateful clients and nothing to do with the hospital we were paying over the odds to stay in.

Turns out Shawnee was a go-between, matching students with available grants for a commission. Of course it was mostly the rich, who would pay $500 in order to save $1000 who were her main customers. Lord alone knows what they made of her requests for Mr Incredible or Santa Claus lookalikes smeared with engine oil to fondle (I have no idea who she had in mind) and I'm not sure whether the nurses really approved of the clouds of smoke billowing from her bed and making all of us cakle like laying hens.

But I can't deny her largesse. She left me with a pile of lobsters (cockroach of the sea she said) and a case of French Piss (aka champagne) with which she suggested I might want to douche.

I don't think I've ever met a lady with such earthy charm.
And given the suppurting sores I've been left with, I'll certainly not being going back to our meeting place.

[Gravdigr]

I first met Sundae---wait, nevermind, that wasn't me...