Tears - Page 2

Cicero · 01-15-2009, 01:24 PM

I love caustic threads..It builds dramatic tension...

Now spill it...

BigV · 01-15-2009, 07:55 PM

I signed Tink's divorce papers the other night. The clock is ticking now.

I feel immensely sad and exhausted. I am confused and worried about the uncertainty of my future, our future, our childrens' future. I feel angry. I feel hopeless.

I feel like a failure.

We've been at a juncture like this before. I had more fight then. I had more hope. We reconciled and life was good. But I was wrong. Life wasn't good, life still sucked, I just focused on the good. I was ecstatic that we had turned back from the brink. I'm more confused and uncertain of myself and my judgment than ever. I was so wrong.

Now, I don't really know what to do. I'm drifting along, spun around and bumped as I'm carried ever more swiftly down the river to the falls below. A couple times I've been capsized and held under by the force of the current against the rocks on the bottom--extremely unpleasant. I want off this river but the canyon walls are steep and high. The falls approach.

classicman · 01-15-2009, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

Now, I don't really know what to do. I'm drifting along, spun around and bumped as I'm carried ever more swiftly down the river to the falls below. A couple times I've been capsized and held under by the force of the current against the rocks on the bottom--extremely unpleasant. I want off this river but the canyon walls are steep and high. The falls approach.

Soon you'll find the strength and courage. That or an Angel will scoop you up and take you to heights you've never imagined possible. Hope springs eternal.

Till then you have your friends. Talk to them, be with them, lean on them and allow them to help you through this.

Trilby · 01-15-2009, 09:05 PM

Oh, BigV, I am so sorry for your pain. My prayers are with you tonight, all my love-vibes and hopefulness...oh, I know this pain. I am so very sorry. Please let us help you.

Undertoad · 01-15-2009, 09:08 PM

Don't think about the things that overwhelm you. You can put those off, now. Just think about what you need to do, day to day, to get by.

dar512 · 01-15-2009, 10:11 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that V. I've had friends in your position and my heart goes out to you.

Let friends and family help. Take care of yourself. Eat comfort foods and do stuff you enjoy doing.

Cicero · 01-15-2009, 10:30 PM

Sorry V. I am going to therapy. You should take a crack at it. It couldn't hurt...much.

zippyt · 01-15-2009, 10:46 PM

Sorry to hear this V !

Things suck Now but they will get better.

Hang tough

xoxoxoBruce · 01-15-2009, 11:44 PM

Shit.

BigV · 01-15-2009, 11:52 PM

weather report:

Clear and cold.

DanaC · 01-16-2009, 01:40 AM

*Frowns* Ach V, I'm so sorry mate. You'll get through it. I know that sounds like so much trite nonsense, but you will. Undertoad's right: don;t focus on the overwhelming whole. Just go day to day. It isn't the end of the world. It feels like it, but it isnt. It probably feels like it should be.

Keep talking to your friends. Try not to seek meaning in what's going on. There isn't any. It's just life and where you are at. You won't be there forever. It isn't success or failure, it's just life.

The trick now, V, is to try and get through it without hurting each other too much, and without burning bridges of friendship for the future. You have children together, therefore this will not be a complete break. That makes it tougher in some ways, but it also means you're more likely to stay in each others' lives long term. That is an opportunity for a continued friendship if you are both able to take it. Be careful with each other during these early days.

Obviously, V, I don't know truly where you're at. When me and J split, there werent kids to think about. But it was worth the effort of being careful to be able to pick the friendship back up after the dust had settled. It doesn't have to mean a complete loss. You don't lose each other you just change what you mean to each other. That change will happen naturally, but it's up to both of you if you want to guide it to something positive and valuable.

I may have said too much here. It maybe too soon to hear this. If so I'm sorry. And good luck. You'll be ok.

Griff · 01-16-2009, 05:22 AM

Focus on continuing to be a great Dad right now. You can handle this.

Beestie · 01-16-2009, 07:03 AM

Damn, V that bites. The thing you really want to avoid right now is a long-term perspective. Just focus on making today as good as it can be and block out thoughts about tomorrow or after.

As with any injury, physical or psychological, focus on stabilizing and not what you are going to do next.

What I tell myself when things crash in on me is that if I have to be miserable maybe I can make someone else happy and get a little joy from that.

Sorry this is happening to you but do know that you will heal completely from this. Don't worry about when just know that the pain, as bad as it is, will not last.

Undertoad · 01-16-2009, 07:11 AM

Exactly. And don't think of this as a rejection in any way, in any sense of the word. People are difficult and large and full of contradictions, relationships are weird, things happen, we can't predict the future.

glatt · 01-16-2009, 07:37 AM

BigV, you're a good guy, and I'm sorry you are going through this. Everyone I know who has gotten divorced has made it through the tough times and gone on with life afterward. You will survive this. Follow the advice others have given you. And just take one day at a time. Your kids need you, so be there for them. The bonus is that will give you something to focus on.

01-15-2009, 01:24 PM	#16
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	I love caustic threads..It builds dramatic tension... Now spill it... __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

01-15-2009, 07:55 PM	#17
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I signed Tink's divorce papers the other night. The clock is ticking now. I feel immensely sad and exhausted. I am confused and worried about the uncertainty of my future, our future, our childrens' future. I feel angry. I feel hopeless. I feel like a failure. We've been at a juncture like this before. I had more fight then. I had more hope. We reconciled and life was good. But I was wrong. Life wasn't good, life still sucked, I just focused on the good. I was ecstatic that we had turned back from the brink. I'm more confused and uncertain of myself and my judgment than ever. I was so wrong. Now, I don't really know what to do. I'm drifting along, spun around and bumped as I'm carried ever more swiftly down the river to the falls below. A couple times I've been capsized and held under by the force of the current against the rocks on the bottom--extremely unpleasant. I want off this river but the canyon walls are steep and high. The falls approach. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

01-15-2009, 09:05 PM	#19
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Oh, BigV, I am so sorry for your pain. My prayers are with you tonight, all my love-vibes and hopefulness...oh, I know this pain. I am so very sorry. Please let us help you. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-15-2009, 10:11 PM	#21
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	I'm so sorry to hear that V. I've had friends in your position and my heart goes out to you. Let friends and family help. Take care of yourself. Eat comfort foods and do stuff you enjoy doing. __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

01-15-2009, 10:30 PM	#22
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Sorry V. I am going to therapy. You should take a crack at it. It couldn't hurt...much. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

01-15-2009, 09:08 PM	#20
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Don't think about the things that overwhelm you. You can put those off, now. Just think about what you need to do, day to day, to get by.

01-15-2009, 10:46 PM	#23
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Sorry to hear this V ! Things suck Now but they will get better. Hang tough __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

01-15-2009, 11:44 PM	#24
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Shit. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-15-2009, 11:52 PM	#25
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	weather report: Clear and cold. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

01-16-2009, 01:40 AM	#26
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Frowns Ach V, I'm so sorry mate. You'll get through it. I know that sounds like so much trite nonsense, but you will. Undertoad's right: don;t focus on the overwhelming whole. Just go day to day. It isn't the end of the world. It feels like it, but it isnt. It probably feels like it should be. Keep talking to your friends. Try not to seek meaning in what's going on. There isn't any. It's just life and where you are at. You won't be there forever. It isn't success or failure, it's just life. The trick now, V, is to try and get through it without hurting each other too much, and without burning bridges of friendship for the future. You have children together, therefore this will not be a complete break. That makes it tougher in some ways, but it also means you're more likely to stay in each others' lives long term. That is an opportunity for a continued friendship if you are both able to take it. Be careful with each other during these early days. Obviously, V, I don't know truly where you're at. When me and J split, there werent kids to think about. But it was worth the effort of being careful to be able to pick the friendship back up after the dust had settled. It doesn't have to mean a complete loss. You don't lose each other you just change what you mean to each other. That change will happen naturally, but it's up to both of you if you want to guide it to something positive and valuable. I may have said too much here. It maybe too soon to hear this. If so I'm sorry. And good luck. You'll be ok.

01-16-2009, 05:22 AM	#27
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Focus on continuing to be a great Dad right now. You can handle this. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

01-16-2009, 07:03 AM	#28
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Damn, V that bites. The thing you really want to avoid right now is a long-term perspective. Just focus on making today as good as it can be and block out thoughts about tomorrow or after. As with any injury, physical or psychological, focus on stabilizing and not what you are going to do next. What I tell myself when things crash in on me is that if I have to be miserable maybe I can make someone else happy and get a little joy from that. Sorry this is happening to you but do know that you will heal completely from this. Don't worry about when just know that the pain, as bad as it is, will not last. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

01-16-2009, 07:11 AM	#29
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Exactly. And don't think of this as a rejection in any way, in any sense of the word. People are difficult and large and full of contradictions, relationships are weird, things happen, we can't predict the future.

01-16-2009, 07:37 AM	#30
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	BigV, you're a good guy, and I'm sorry you are going through this. Everyone I know who has gotten divorced has made it through the tough times and gone on with life afterward. You will survive this. Follow the advice others have given you. And just take one day at a time. Your kids need you, so be there for them. The bonus is that will give you something to focus on.

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