My F'd Up Past - and Future Hope

[DanaC]

Fresh that was really nicely put.

I have been in a lot of debt and felt like there was no way out SG and know how humiliating it and what surrounds it can be.

Me too....my solution was to learn to live with the humiliation :P I jest. I don't think debt should have such a taboo as society has placed on it. We live in a world where debt practically throws itself at you and where everything in life, from the roof over your head to the bread in your belly, relies on having a flow of cash. It's hard not to accrue debt of some sort. If you then happen to be one of the many millions of people whose future life turns out not to meet the expectations they had when they took the debt on....

SG take your doctor's advice and don't rush things. Having no income and living on benefits sucks ( I know, I've been there) but it's not the worst thing in the world. There should be no shame attached at all to you accessing what is yours under the social contract that your country has forged.

Nor should there be stigma for people who have to deal with depression or addiction. If you lead a life that leaves you physically battered the world's sympathy and understanding is yours. What if you are battered by life in less obvious ways? All these people (myself included) who've posted in the Cellar about having suffered depression, or followed an addiction. Who can get through life without losing their balance from time to time?

Look how far you've come already from where you were in Spring. And I don't mean geographically speaking either:P You're doing great Sundae. I'm proud of you mate.

[Cicero]

Yeah- I don't mean to be so pissy about your HM Sundae...I just don't like it when I see people down, and someone around that makes them feel worse for just being a human. You are not defined by what's in your wallet....god knows I've been through it....don't let anyone make you feel like a shitbag. I'm sure his intentions are in the right place...but he did make you cry so....that rubs me the wrong way. He's probably doing his dambdest to help so I'll shut up....


We think you are awesome. Get out there and strut your stuff! Do what I did when I was broke (for half an f'in year).....get out there, make as much money as you can, be a success, and then throw it in the face of all the nay-sayers.

Anecdote:Oh and I did too....I invited them to my new cool place for dinner....and boy where they pissy. I heard someone say "how did she do this". Yeah, a so-called friend said that. All of my real friends expected it.

Hey jump on that pony and ride it! Woo-hoo!

[Trilby]

Sundae, you know I have been right where you are; I was sued, even. It did throw me for an emotional loop, made me question my right to be a human on earth, all that bad stuff but you know what? There's no such thing as debtor's prison anymore and if they want a pound of flesh, they can have my left tit! HA! You are an honest, hardworking woman with real talent and ability and drive. You will make your way thru this patch so keep your head high. The surest thing I know is this: This, too, shall pass.

[jinx]

I suck at pep talks SG, but I love ya, and don't want you to cry anymore. Keep posting, you've got quite a support group here.

[Sundae]

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

Today I had an interview at the Job Centre, to meet my caseworker and go through what they can offer me when I am ready to work again. It really cheered me up - stupidly I had been worrying about future employers not considering me because of my history in the last year, and not having interview clothes, and having to get through the first month without pay. OF COURSE the Govt want me back at work, and there are all sorts of incentives, and practical help to get me there. I've always found my own jobs before (and probably will this time) but it's nice to know Fat Tony has a discretionary fund of £50 for a new outfit when I produce a letter offering me an interview

We agreed he would contact me again in the New Year to discuss my plans. At present I'm signed off til November, but it gives me breathing space - if I told Tony I wanted to start looking for work in November it would be awkward to back down and say I'd been signed off again. Ideally I will be back on form by then of course - I want some money for Christmas!

After that I came home and called the Debt Helpline. They're sending me out a help pack, and I'll start writing letters using their templates as soon as it arrives. I'm glad I called them - I hadn't realised my council tax arrears are a priority debt - they can actually put me in prison, unlike the others. It's unlikely (the prisons are pretty much full after all) because they prefer to come to an agreement even at the last minute, but it's still a reason to get it sorted asap.

Apparently the most the courts would require me to pay from my benefits is £3 per week (£12 per month in effect). That's the total, to go to all my creditors. I hope I don't end up in court, but it's good to know if I do they won't suffer me to be penniless.

If I get a CCJ (County Court Judgement) against me, I can apply for an Administration Order. That I pay the court monthly and they distribute it to the creditors. Any debts that are left unpaid after 3 years are written off. Sounds good - of course the amount I pay will increase in line with my income, as is fair.

And finally, HM has suggested a couple of things I might like to do for a job that really interest me. Far too early in the day to say anything, but it's good to feel hope.

[Clodfobble]

That's great to hear! Good for you for taking charge. I'm glad things are looking brighter for you.

[Aliantha]

it's nice to know Fat Tony has a discretionary fund of £50 for a new outfit when I produce a letter offering me an interview

Does that mean you can produce the letter for every interview you have? You could build up an awesome wardrobe before too long.

[theotherguy]

That is wonderful SG. Knowledge, and a little confidence from it, is a powerful thing. I am glad to see you taking control instead of letting it control you.

[Sundae]

Does that mean you can produce the letter for every interview you have? You could build up an awesome wardrobe before too long.

Sadly I think they anticipate you wearing the same clothes to each interview

I'd definitely buy a good pair of work shoes though and who knows, my old office clothes might fit me by then, so I can splurge on a really good pair. I wonder what Fat Tony would say if I admitted I am sorely in need of a new bra now that I'm shrinking... I'm shrinking...

[glatt]

Sundae, I'm glad to see you taking a deep breath and moving forward. Good job!

[Cloud]

First, let me say you are brave and wonderful for reaching out to help. That is by far the hardest part.

Second, you can get out of debt. I will take time and sacrifice, but that part is completely doable.

And finally--there are no magic cures. When life smashes you--you just go on. That's all there is.

[limey]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Thanks to everyone for their kind words...it's good to feel hope.

SG, I'm SO glad to see things looking brighter for you. It is always so hard to bite the bullet (in terms of facing your debts or contacting those to whom you owe money), but now you've done that and looked at the worst case scenario, hopefully things'll get better for you. I'm with DanaC and your doctor in encouraging you to take is slowly - volunteering at the charity shop for a little time each week sounds like a good start.
I was serious about the wallchart with the gold stars and stuff - it's always good to see the progress you're making!
Hugs and other encouragements

[xoxoxoBruce]

You're smart, witty, beautiful and loved. A couple bumps in the road will never change that. Hope you don't forget us after the coronation, your Highness.

I am very happy and encouraged to read about this new turn of events and pov.
Needed some good news today I love that it came from you.

[monster]

you rock, SG