Identity - Page 2

Cicero · 07-31-2007, 11:35 AM

Anima/Animus.....
Anyway- why don't you like being a boy? Your obviously a bright good-looking kid...what about being a boy has got you down?

07-31-2007, 01:38 PM

Are you really trying to reconcile how you feel with your "gender" and/or how others view you, seriously?
I have to say, with what you have written here, it does not seem like that is the core issue here.
It seems like you know that you are bi and secure with that and the issue is how others react to the fact that you are ok with being bi.
That is hard on some people and you are going to have to find your path to being ok with it.
The day you say "fuck-em" and mean it, you will be ok.
People will always judge you, no matter who you are, gay, straight, bi, mexican, white, tallshortredhairblablabla... fuck-em'.
Homophobia and gay cultural identity is an important issue for me and I was ostracized on campus at college from the groups fighting for acceptance and gay rights because I was straight. I thought that was pretty funny considering what they were fighting for.
Fuck-em', they obviously did not want what they said they wanted, they just wanted to make noise, the same is true for the group that treated you the way they did. That or it was envy, always a possibility.
Just be you, be fabulous and the truth will be shown to those who want to see it.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-31-2007, 05:17 PM

Confused? Bewildered? Feeling abnormal? You're a Rock Star.

07-31-2007, 05:18 PM

Or tha' debil!
He's dreamy!

Undertoad · 07-31-2007, 06:48 PM

What beautiful advice folks have given! I can scarcely add to it, except to say ---

-- you know, life only gets better from here, my friend... only gets better.

Psychologist Erik Erikson defined eight specific stages in life. Age 11-18 is the period for the identity crisis.

And, strangely enough, the harder time you have of it now, the more certain you'll be of yourself later, in many ways. You'll have figured things out that other people will carry as baggage their whole life.

That doesn't mean you should drive directly into pain. It means you know you have to face a struggle. You're not alone; this is the point in your life when everyone is in that position. Believe in yourself: as painful as it might be, there's a point to it, there's an end to it, there's a transformation in which you come out the other end as a butterfly.

Other people envy you this struggle. To study yourself, to figure out what you like, who you like, who you are and how you'll get on with others... is a beautiful thing, part of what gives our lives deeper meaning.

Ibby · 07-31-2007, 07:20 PM

Thanks, UT. I think that helped a bit... though I'm not sure there's, like, anything TO help. I'm not like, upset, or anything - just confused, and a bit frustrated. I'm fairly happy with myself - I just wish I had some kind of gender I could identify as.

monster · 07-31-2007, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

I just wish I had some kind of gender I could identify as.

Why? Who wants to be part of the herd?

What parts of the the female stereotype do you not identify with? What part of the male sterotypes? Which parts do you identify with?

What parts of the teen stereotype do you identify with? Do they outnumber those of the gender stereotypes?

How important are the gender identities?

How many posters here would you be able to tell the sex of without them telling you or making direct references to it?

And how many the age?

You clearly identify with the thinkers and the shit-stirrers, and I reckon you could do worse

I'm about as girly as a fart with follow-through (

), but I don't care. I tried to, for a short while, when I was a teenager, then I gave up.

You're doing just fine, imo.

wolf · 08-01-2007, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

I just wish I had some kind of gender I could identify as.

From your preceding posts, here and elsewhere, I'm not thinking your issue is really about gender identity. You haven't said anything indicating a particular discomfort or dislike of your manly bits, right?

You're also under some stress related to your relationship with Caro, and while you've indicated that you're feeling pretty much bi, you've not indicated that you've acted on that, although I certainly understand that any such opportunities would be very limited in Asia, because of the different cultural mores.

Just be you, don't try to be someone else's conceptualization of who you should be.

xoxoxoBruce · 08-01-2007, 03:57 AM

Quote:

You haven't said anything indicating a particular discomfort or dislike of your manly bits, right?

He must dislike his manly bits, he's been trying to yank them off for years

Ibby · 08-01-2007, 08:11 AM

XD nice bruce.

Wolf: I know I'm bi - that's not an issue. Sexually, I'm happy being a boy. The thing is, physical/genetic sex does not equal gender. Which is really where the problem comes from - the prevailing culture's insistence on a binary, sex=gender culture. Buuut that's a whole 'nother matter...
But anyway, if you think the issue is not about gender identity, what do you think the issue is, doc?

wolf · 08-01-2007, 10:27 AM

Do you want to be a woman, do you want to be neuter? if the answer to both is "no," you're not having a gender identity crisis ... you're having an identity crisis.

You like being a boy, you have boy parts, you're a boy. Check "M" on the forms, and move on.

Demanding a label doesn't help understand anything, including yourself, any better.

Ride it out.

Most importantly, celebrate yourself.

Perry Winkle · 08-01-2007, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Most importantly, celebrate yourself.

Read: Masturbate. A lot.

Cicero · 08-01-2007, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

I'm not happy being a boy.

This is where he says he's not happy being a boy. I'm just still trying to ask why. What's the drawback?
Having issues with archetypal gender based sterotypes is very different from not liking your own gender.
I understand identity crisis as a completely natural and normal event. As well as bi tendencies. I'm just trying to figure out why he's not happy with what he has? Not that there's anything wrong with that either.
Why do you not like being a boy? Very straightforward question.

Flint · 08-01-2007, 11:09 AM

Our society is over-balanced towards the masculine attributes, and has been for a long time. Long enough for our cultural memory to have almost forgotten what balance between the sexes feels like.

The reign of male-dominated society doesn't present a picture of male identity that some people feel comfortable with. The struggle of a sensitive boy, passing into manhood, is how to deal with the negative identity associated with their gender. This is my theory.

TheMercenary · 08-01-2007, 02:29 PM

Ok, I take back anything nasty and abusive that I have said to you in the past and make a public apology for anything "homophobic" I said to you. I have my own issues to deal with on the issue. Any advice I could make or comment would be ignored anyway. Good luck.

07-31-2007, 05:17 PM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Confused? Bewildered? Feeling abnormal? You're a Rock Star. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-31-2007, 07:20 PM	#6
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Thanks, UT. I think that helped a bit... though I'm not sure there's, like, anything TO help. I'm not like, upset, or anything - just confused, and a bit frustrated. I'm fairly happy with myself - I just wish I had some kind of gender I could identify as. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

08-01-2007, 08:11 AM	#10
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	XD nice bruce. Wolf: I know I'm bi - that's not an issue. Sexually, I'm happy being a boy. The thing is, physical/genetic sex does not equal gender. Which is really where the problem comes from - the prevailing culture's insistence on a binary, sex=gender culture. Buuut that's a whole 'nother matter... But anyway, if you think the issue is not about gender identity, what do you think the issue is, doc? __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

08-01-2007, 10:27 AM	#11
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Do you want to be a woman, do you want to be neuter? if the answer to both is "no," you're not having a gender identity crisis ... you're having an identity crisis. You like being a boy, you have boy parts, you're a boy. Check "M" on the forms, and move on. Demanding a label doesn't help understand anything, including yourself, any better. Ride it out. Most importantly, celebrate yourself. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-01-2007, 11:09 AM	#14
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Our society is over-balanced towards the masculine attributes, and has been for a long time. Long enough for our cultural memory to have almost forgotten what balance between the sexes feels like. The reign of male-dominated society doesn't present a picture of male identity that some people feel comfortable with. The struggle of a sensitive boy, passing into manhood, is how to deal with the negative identity associated with their gender. This is my theory. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

07-31-2007, 11:35 AM	#1
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Anima/Animus..... Anyway- why don't you like being a boy? Your obviously a bright good-looking kid...what about being a boy has got you down?

07-31-2007, 01:38 PM	#2
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Are you really trying to reconcile how you feel with your "gender" and/or how others view you, seriously? I have to say, with what you have written here, it does not seem like that is the core issue here. It seems like you know that you are bi and secure with that and the issue is how others react to the fact that you are ok with being bi. That is hard on some people and you are going to have to find your path to being ok with it. The day you say "fuck-em" and mean it, you will be ok. People will always judge you, no matter who you are, gay, straight, bi, mexican, white, tallshortredhairblablabla... fuck-em'. Homophobia and gay cultural identity is an important issue for me and I was ostracized on campus at college from the groups fighting for acceptance and gay rights because I was straight. I thought that was pretty funny considering what they were fighting for. Fuck-em', they obviously did not want what they said they wanted, they just wanted to make noise, the same is true for the group that treated you the way they did. That or it was envy, always a possibility. Just be you, be fabulous and the truth will be shown to those who want to see it.

07-31-2007, 05:18 PM	#4
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Or tha' debil! He's dreamy!

07-31-2007, 06:48 PM	#5
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	What beautiful advice folks have given! I can scarcely add to it, except to say --- -- you know, life only gets better from here, my friend... only gets better. Psychologist Erik Erikson defined eight specific stages in life. Age 11-18 is the period for the identity crisis. And, strangely enough, the harder time you have of it now, the more certain you'll be of yourself later, in many ways. You'll have figured things out that other people will carry as baggage their whole life. That doesn't mean you should drive directly into pain. It means you know you have to face a struggle. You're not alone; this is the point in your life when everyone is in that position. Believe in yourself: as painful as it might be, there's a point to it, there's an end to it, there's a transformation in which you come out the other end as a butterfly. Other people envy you this struggle. To study yourself, to figure out what you like, who you like, who you are and how you'll get on with others... is a beautiful thing, part of what gives our lives deeper meaning.

08-01-2007, 02:29 PM	#15
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Ok, I take back anything nasty and abusive that I have said to you in the past and make a public apology for anything "homophobic" I said to you. I have my own issues to deal with on the issue. Any advice I could make or comment would be ignored anyway. Good luck. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

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