Praying to everything that is holy

[zippyt]

Yes I have had a family member raped ,
and yes a few years later his body was found in a drainage ditch ( NOT by my hand )

I think you are being WAY over proctective ,
CHILL , if she has good friends with her she will be ok !!!
Besides as you said you are 3 hours away ,
She HAS to figuer theese things out for her self .

[Dagney]

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

Maybe you all haven't had family members raped or sexually assaulted. My thinking is different from yours.

Maybe some of us have - and think that this girl really needs to get away from someone who throws up so many red flags regarding control issues.

My thinking is different from _yours_....and there is a most definite trend towards you trying to control every aspect of her life - from her cell phone, to whom she has her first illicit beer with.

Good god man. You've had one year of college under your belt. That does NOT make you an expert on anything in SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE. (Nor will 4, or a Masters, or a Doctorate....)

You want to control things? Control yourself. You want to OWN someone? Get a dog. I'll bet a dollar she doesn't answer her cell phone today. I sure as hell wouldn't.

[freshnesschronic]

It's funny how everyone is such an expert and I'm such a horrible boyfriend, eh? She's pretty stupid for sticking with me for this long eh? I must be doing something right though.

A lot of these posts contain unneccessary degradation of myself, share your opinion, don't bring me down though.

Does she know about your family member?
If so and is still willing to risk it, there is nothing you can do.
She wants to try.
I can see it being frustrating, but I agree with the others, you are being a control freak and are far more likely to drive her away, especially if she does need you later.
Don't be a dick.
She is not always going to do what you want.

[freshnesschronic]

Alright.

I admit I'm a control freak. College, long distance has all made it worse.
Now I just have to learn how to reform my insecurities and anxieties. I am open to all advice. Hopefully, critical friendly advice. But now I understand I can't control your responses. Here goes.

[zippyt]

Chill and relax ,
she has to experence these things for her self , just like with kids , some time time you just have to step out of the way and let them slam their heads against that wall them selfs , you be there to help pick up the pieces and clean up the blood( oh and none of that "I TOLD you SO" Bullshit!!!! ) , but they HAVE to learn for them selfs , you TOO by the way ,
Just cause you are in your first year in collage doesn' t make you the font of ALL knowlage , chill , smoke a dube , have a beer , etc,,,
Life will go on , the sun WILL raise and set no matter HOW freaked out you get about it, just learn to enjoy the ride

Treat her the way you would want to be treated. It is simple.

[Cloud]

rkzenrage's advice above should be taken to heart.

I think it's thoughtful to be concerned--but you can't smother her. As much as you try to tell her the dangers, we all have to make our own mistakes and grow up by ourselves.

[Bullitt]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Treat her the way you would want to be treated. It is simple.

I third that.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I doubt that's the answer for him, considering he would be overjoyed to have her checking on him every 5 minutes.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Bump not for Cloud

[Aliantha]

fresh, you'll find that quite a number on this forum have had experiences with rape one way or another. While all of us can understand why you'd be concerned about your g/f drinking, it's no reason to go overboard worrying about something that is most probably not going to happen. If you can't be there to take care of her, I agree with what others have posted here. She should have at least a couple of friends with her just in case she does find herself too intoxicated to be responsible for herself.

If she's going to a party full of strangers by herself with no friends, I think there are a lot of other things you should be worried about besides the fact that she might get drunk.

[Cloud]

trust and communication are key

[piercehawkeye45]

I have seen many drunk girls stay loyal to their boyfriends......to my dismay.....and there is a pretty good chance she will just get buzzed since it is her first time.

You can't really do this but next time, instead of telling her not to go and how she doens't know what she is doing, try to explain how it works and how to stay out of trouble. For example, tell her what the different proofs are how liquor is much different from beer. What you also need to do is to make sure that she knows she will still be in control even though she is drunk. If she thinks she will lose control of herself, then she probably will, if she doesn't, she probably won't.

Basically, stop telling her not to do something because both of you could her hurt but being a good boyfriend and show her how to avoid getting in trouble.

[Hime]

The first keg party I went to, the beer was so god-awful that I could barely choke down one cup. I seriously doubt that she will go overboard unless they're mixing daiquiris or something.

I don't think it's wrong for fresh to be worried, though. I have known people who have had really bad experiences with alcohol and partying, and it's hard to know who it's going to be until they've tried it. I have known people in high school and college who've been date-raped, hooked up with people they didn't intend to hook up with, and even committed crimes and been arrested while drunk. I doubt, though, that your gf will be one of these people, especially if she has friends who are not assholes.

Do you know her friends? I think that in a long-distance relationship it helps to know and trust your partner's close friends. One time Daniel called me from a party and he put one of our friends on to tell me that she'd hidden his car keys... and that he'd told her all about our sex life. *sigh*