tired of drama

[Stormieweather]

See, here's the thing. We teach people how to treat us. Our own expectations and boundaries indicate to others how far they can push us. If we don't draw the line and say here is where what's good for you conflicts with what is good for me, they'll generally assume they can keep on taking.

In addition, if we don't take care of ourselves first, we really are of very little use to anyone else. An emotionally, physically and financially drained person can't effectively help or assist anyone.

Sometimes people don't draw the line or say 'enough' because giving to others feels good, because they expect something in return, or they simply aren't attuned enough to their own needs to know when giving has become detrimental to their well being.

Engaging in other people's drama is a choice. You have the right to say no and/or to walk away. It is not your responsibility to 'fix' another person's problems. Sympathy and empathy are all well and good, but when you become so enmeshed in another person's individual issues that they become yours, you've lost sight of what is healthy.

Stormie

[Trilby]

Amen, Stormi. Amen.

[bbro]

I agree Stormie. I guess my problem is that I can't just abandond someone I care about. Basically, if I don't try, there won't be anyone else to. I am not necessarily trying to fix the problem. Just help out. I guess it just kills me to know that someone is completely alone when they don't necessarily have to be.

I got way more involved when the lawyer decided to not help anymore. They had an agreement about payment and all that, but the lawyer decided that he wanted money. After two weeks of telling us things that didn't happen, he wanted paid.

I try to say no, but if I didn't help, no one else would have. I would never want to be in that position.

I guess I am just too soft-hearted for my own good.

[Trilby]

O. M. G.

don't let that disuade you, though.. Fight! Fight!~ fight for the right of all of us..to...do...look! We warned you heathens!!!

And, so on.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Stormieweather

See, here's the thing. We teach people how to treat us. Our own expectations and boundaries indicate to others how far they can push us. If we don't draw the line and say here is where what's good for you conflicts with what is good for me, they'll generally assume they can keep on taking.

In addition, if we don't take care of ourselves first, we really are of very little use to anyone else. An emotionally, physically and financially drained person can't effectively help or assist anyone.

Sometimes people don't draw the line or say 'enough' because giving to others feels good, because they expect something in return, or they simply aren't attuned enough to their own needs to know when giving has become detrimental to their well being.

Engaging in other people's drama is a choice. You have the right to say no and/or to walk away. It is not your responsibility to 'fix' another person's problems. Sympathy and empathy are all well and good, but when you become so enmeshed in another person's individual issues that they become yours, you've lost sight of what is healthy.

Stormie

I'm quoting this post because it bears reading a second time......and a third. Just short of having tattooed on your forearm.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by bbro

I agree Stormie. I guess my problem is that I can't just abandond someone I care about. Basically, if I don't try, there won't be anyone else to. I am not necessarily trying to fix the problem. Just help out. I guess it just kills me to know that someone is completely alone when they don't necessarily have to be.

I got way more involved when the lawyer decided to not help anymore. They had an agreement about payment and all that, but the lawyer decided that he wanted money. After two weeks of telling us things that didn't happen, he wanted paid.

I try to say no, but if I didn't help, no one else would have. I would never want to be in that position.

I guess I am just too soft-hearted for my own good.

OK, you're a softy, but not stupid. You've thinking, using your head, got a plan.
That's not the same as leading with your heart, and blindly thrashing about like a pinball. Good for you!

Being a "girlfriend" carries no weight with the "public servants" (oxymoron). I'm pretty sure there are actually legal restrictions on the judge about discussing his case with you.

Quite often prisoner release is delayed for no discernible reason other than they didn't get to it. Could be some clerk's on vacation. What's he going to do, say, "You didn't release me on time, so I'm staying...I won't go."?
You can inquire and remind them, but they call the shots, so don't let it make you nuts. You've got more important things to make you nuts.

Good luck and keep us posted on your mental health....ok?

[bbro]

Surprisingly Bruce, they have no problems giving me the information once they get around to getting it. Scary, huh?

I am trying not to let it take control. I even told him last night that I was tired of this. I am going to try a little more this week, but after that, I just physically, emotionally, whateverally, can't anymore.

[MsSparkie]

He made his bed.......

His life is the consequence of his actions. He is using you.

You deserve better.

[John Adams]

Let's see,
He is in jail.
Everyone who knows him or has gotten to know him (except you) has written him off as a loss.

He is a lowlife.

Dump him now and be done with it.

Unless of course you have been in prison?

Then stay with him, but do society a favor and don't reproduce.

[Brooke of the Land]

Originally Posted by John Adams

Let's see,
He is in jail.
Everyone who knows him or has gotten to know him (except you) has written him off as a loss.

He is a lowlife.

Dump him now and be done with it.

Unless of course you have been in prison?

Then stay with him, but do society a favor and don't reproduce.

Whew... that's harsh. Just because he's in jail does not make him worth the world leaving him to his own devices. Yes, he's obviously done something wrong and should be punished justly for it. But does that warrant the judgment of "lowlife?"

And as a member of the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program, I've seen plenty of wonderful children who have come from families where one or both parents have been in jail at some point. They should not be written off because of the mistakes of their parents.

Bbro, keep your chin up and your eyes open. For now, you're doing what you feel is right, and that's honorable. Fight the good fight until you can't anymore, and when it's all said and done, you'll have no one to answer to but yourself.

[John Adams]

Originally Posted by Brooke of the Land

Whew... that's harsh. Just because he's in jail does not make him worth the world leaving him to his own devices. Yes, he's obviously done something wrong and should be punished justly for it. But does that warrant the judgment of "lowlife?"

And as a member of the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program, I've seen plenty of wonderful children who have come from families where one or both parents have been in jail at some point. They should not be written off because of the mistakes of their parents.

Bbro, keep your chin up and your eyes open. For now, you're doing what you feel is right, and that's honorable. Fight the good fight until you can't anymore, and when it's all said and done, you'll have no one to answer to but yourself.

Yeah, I admit, it's harsh. I also don't believe in third chances and it sounds like this guy has had quite a few more. Why would a (self described) caring person waste time on something like that when they can get someone better who will appreciate their caring nature?

Yes you can get good children from homes with a criminal in them but it is definitely the minority. They produce what they are.

[yesman065]

"Yeah, I admit, it's harsh. I also don't believe in third chances and it sounds like this guy has had quite a few more. Why would a (self described) caring person waste time on something like that when they can get someone better who will appreciate their caring nature?"

Not only that, but all the expended effort and time could be better spent on someone who may be more deserving and benefit from it creating a positive string instead of a dead end.

[bbro]

I'm sorry, I am not sure where you get the third chance thing? He is not a lowlife criminal like you would think. He didn't murder anyone, he didn't steal from anyone, he just made a stupid mistake.

I don't think he will be a dead end. He has a lot of good chance to get a good job where I am. He has a job for when he gets out already lined up. In fact, he has 2.

His family has never been there for him, neither has his mother. And no, he doesn't have many close friends because he never gave enough of himself up to have them. The ones he did have when I met him, he has distanced himself slightly because they are not doing things that I approve of.

MsSparkie - I would say he is using me too except that when I told him I couldn't do eveything there is to do anymore, he stopped asking. Last night when I talked to him, he didn't even ask if I made any calls or anything. We just chatted.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Just don't wear yourself out, because then you can't help him or yourself.
Follow your heart and cover your ass, ok?

[bluecuracao]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Follow your heart and cover your ass

Excellent. I may borrow this--do you mind?