Why Can't Men Say the Things We Women Need to Hear?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Strangers? We's family.

[MaggieL]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Strangers? We's family.

"[relative] strangers". Our welcoming attitude aside, if people on a BBS she joined last week are not strangers relative to her husband, something's even wronger than I thought...

[dar512]

Originally Posted by MaggieL

"[relative] strangers".

You got that right. All my relatives are a little strange.

[cableguy]

Originally Posted by MaggieL

"[relative] strangers". Our welcoming attitude aside, if people on a BBS she joined last week are not strangers relative to her husband, something's even wronger than I thought...

I lurked on this board for a while before starting to post. I found that this place was a refreshing change from the other boards I hang out at.

I've lways considered myself a bit of an oddball, I always go against the grain.
In that respect, I feel somewhat at home here, and at the same time, I'm finding myself in unchartered waters, 'cause sometime I'm not sure what to say.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by goldencomfort1968

We'll be in the yard and I'll point out some flowers that are coming up in the flower beds that I've worked so hard on and he'll say they are pretty and point out a weed.

Did you respond with, "Oh dear, pull that out will you?"

Or in the garden I've planted (he usually does the veggie garden, but he has other things going on this year so I'm doing one) I pointed out how the plants are starting to come up and he points out weeds that I need to take care of.

When he did the veggie garden, was it always perfect? Tell him the weeds help retain the moisture and feed the soil with nitrogen. Or that you'll go fix some lemonade while he takes care of them.

It just seems like lots of negatives that I don't need right now. It would be much better to hear "the flowers are sure pretty", "the garden is doing good", and "that's a great way to ship your product."

Mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter. If you do mind, tell him.....in no uncertain terms. Don't hint, don't beat around the bush, straight out tell him.
He may be shocked, he may even get pissed.....but he'll get over it, believe me.

[MsSparkie]

What we desired from a man:


*
I wanted to be cherished and adored.

*
I wanted to feel his strength and masculinity.

*
I wanted a great lover who loves to please me.

*
I wanted to feel respected.

*
I wanted to be gathered up in his strong arms.

*
I wanted him to tell me what he's feeling.

*
I wanted him to feel like I'm the best thing in his life.

*
I wanted him to love me with all his heart.


I just watched Brokeback Mountain and found it interesting. Didn't find any solutions. They acted like a normal hetro couple....same problems. LOL

It's like getting a dog or goldfish. You know what they can and cannot do. A man seems fairly limited, not as much as a goldfish maybe....but still....
Actually they may be more like a cat than a dog even.....aloof, never owned, taking what they need and not offering a lot in return.

NO, NOT EVERY MAN!!! I KNOW....I KNOW......

LOL

I believe they are only truly happy when out with guys doing guy stuff.

The rest is just a necessary evil to them, with maid service.

I apologize to any man here who is a loving, giving man.....very few and far between. JMHO.

[Undertoad]

I wanted to feel his strength and masculinity.

You wanted the romance novel man, but when he acted like a real man you ridiculed him and emasculated him.

[MsSparkie]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

I wanted to feel his strength and masculinity.

You wanted the romance novel man, but when he acted like a real man you ridiculed him and emasculated him.

Yes. I did that with my last relationship. He took the brunt of my frustration with men, and I took the brunt of his frustration with women and life. He told me so.

Now we are both apart and too stubborn to make the move. So we will never meet again.

This one was for the gipper, I guess. We both have tried so hard with others, you just have to smash the glass sometimes and suffer the consequences.

He is on my mind every day. But he is the toughest son of a b*tch I've ever met and I'm not sure where his head is at these days.....I know he refuses to take his anti-depressents and it shows.

But you try to play it their way.....meet them in the ring....go a few rounds with them without being knocked out.....they get mad.

Then it's over.

You have to be the weak one, the fool. Then they have won. But once they win, they lose interest.

So what does a woman do with a strong macho man? I prefer them to others.....not a true bad boy, but a real man.

I do love men.

It seems it's a fool's game.

For now, I'm on the bench.

LOL

:-(

LOL

:-(


Golden.....I commisserate with you. I commisserate with him. There are 2 sides to every story. We just don't know how to play nicely together. Damn!

Originally Posted by MsSparkie

Yes. I did that with my last relationship. He took the brunt of my frustration with men, and I took the brunt of his frustration with women and life. He told me so.

Now we are both apart and too stubborn to make the move. So we will never meet again.

This one was for the gipper, I guess. We both have tried so hard with others, you just have to smash the glass sometimes and suffer the consequences.

He is on my mind every day. But he is the toughest son of a b*tch I've ever met and I'm not sure where his head is at these days.....I know he refuses to take his anti-depressents and it shows.

But you try to play it their way.....meet them in the ring....go a few rounds with them without being knocked out.....they get mad.

Then it's over.

You have to be the weak one, the fool. Then they have won. But once they win, they lose interest.

So what does a woman do with a strong macho man? I prefer them to others.....not a true bad boy, but a real man.

I do love men.

It seems it's a fool's game.

For now, I'm on the bench.

LOL

:-(

LOL

:-(


Golden.....I commisserate with you. I commisserate with him. There are 2 sides to every story. We just don't know how to play nicely together. Damn!

She has to be willing not to be let in.
Basically it is a relationship with a stranger.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by MsSparkie

What we desired from a man:
*
I wanted
*
I wanted
*
I wanted
*
I wanted
*
I wanted
*
I wanted
*
I wanted
*
I wanted

What did he want?

[MsSparkie]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

What did he want?

1st and foremost: A slave. Someone to worship him. Told me to bleach my hair blonde because he loves blondes. Said my job would be to deal with his ex to get custody visits with his young daughter. Told me what my jobs would be there if I moved to S.D. to be his wife.

Planned our wedding at Sturgis this summer. He was controlling, bossy, demanding, laconic, moody, withdrawn....with an initial few weeks of being "so nice and loving" that sucked me in.

I said whoa.....we don't even like each other right now....scrap the wedding.
I said if we can't fix things....it's no good.

He never forgave me and never tried to fix it. He was just mad. He just tormented me from that day on. He is hard as nails.

He wanted love but didn't know how to get it, except for the first few weeks. Like Golden said....WTF? How can they turn it on and off like a faucet? Why do they feel once they have you hooked it's a whole new ball game?

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

That's the way the cookie crumbles.....unfortunately.

We still love each other in our dysfunctional way. I wish we were doing the Sturgis thing in some ways....there is a Dom/sub thing going on which I love.
But he pushed the envelope too far. It should be only like that in the bedroom. He wanted to rule over me all the time.

He told me it's partly due to his German heritage....and his sister agrees and is the same. LOL

He is a farmer, builds motorcycles, has a hunting lodge. I got my hunting licences for birds, small game and big game many years ago but had babies and didn't go. He is the idea man for business, I do accounting. He is Dom, I'm a sub.
But a fiesty sub.

We seemed like a good fit. But he didn't play the game correctly.

I was willing. He pushed too far.

He will never call me. He is too stubborn and mean. If I call him he will torture me by saying he cares then not talking and withdrawing.

Logic says forget him. I'm working on that. But the dream of us being together doing stuff we both love is a hard dream to see die. He has health problems and expects now to be alone forever, he says. He would rather punish me than be kind.

His choice.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Sounds to me like your list and his are diametrically opposed.
Actually your first list and your expressed desires in this post don't jib well, in my mind.

Like Golden said....WTF? How can they turn it on and off like a faucet? Why do they feel once they have you hooked it's a whole new ball game?

The problem with Golden's statement is the word they. Generalizations are never a help when dealing a specific situation.

[Ibby]

Y'gotta admit, we're all pretty strange, here...

Tell him how it makes you feel, exactly how it makes you feel.
Then tell him to stop saying it.
If he doesn't like the weeds he can pull em'.

At the same time, it is true that no one can expect to be courted for life, that is just silly, unless you put-out the same amount as you did & in the same way when you were being courted while overlooking as much too.

[yesman065]

"Not exactly, I'll let you know what I think, but that doesn't mean I'm right. You have to evaluate that for yourself. All I promise, is to be honest, but it's still an opinion."

Sorry Bruce - as usual you are correct - I made a poor choice of words.

Maggie, I never meant to imply that it was a substitute for anything. I do think that is can be used as a trial balloon which can avoid one from having to needlessly enter into conflict management.