I did it again - Page 2

Cicero · 07-24-2007, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

Dude, what?

So you grabbed the girl, big whup. Until you hit her, hurt her, then you're good to go.
Hell, I've got two years worth of scars up and down both arms, very visible, from where my (former) girl tore me up (i swear, she didn't have fingernails, she had claws). And it's okay, cause I know she didnt mean it, etc. Pushing someone or grabbing them is a whole different ball park from smacking them or hitting them.

Calm down, Jesus Christ.

It's not a big deal until someone cracks their head open.

freshnesschronic · 07-24-2007, 01:06 PM

I think there is a much bigger difference if a male is being abusive than if a female is "being abusive."

yesman065 · 07-24-2007, 01:10 PM

Really? Why so fresh? What if the female was 6'2'' 250 and the male was 5'9" 160 and she beat the hell out of him? Or if it was two women or two men? Why does it make a difference what their respective genders are?

freshnesschronic · 07-24-2007, 01:15 PM

Are you just looking for a fight?

Maybe I'm more traditional on this, but I'll let emo PMSy girls hit their boyfriends and start crying but I don't think a guy shaking his girl is appropriate.

lumberjim · 07-24-2007, 01:22 PM

it's not about what kind of abuse you inflict. it's that you take even a step down that road. you're right to be concerned. why does it even occur to you to use your physical superiority to make your point? because you are feeling inferior in other areas, perhaps? Does she make you feel frustrated by saying things that you can't defend or asking rhetorical questions and then expecting you to answer them and look the fool?

the why, the why.

remember abuse runs both ways like a current. ...if she pushes you to the edge and wins when you snap and pop her one. a momentary injury in exchange for your guilt and remorse for weeks or months. it's a controlling thing.

I personally fear jinx, so i'm in no danger of hitting her....in anger

....but i did used to pick on my little brother unduly.....and years later still get embarrassed when i think of it.

You feel like a failure for having to resort to that, don't you?

so....own, it. and don't do it ever again.

yesman065 · 07-24-2007, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

Are you just looking for a fight?

Maybe I'm more traditional on this, but I'll let emo PMSy girls hit their boyfriends and start crying but I don't think a guy shaking his girl is appropriate.

Nope - not at all - My ex used to slap and punch me a lot - usually in a drunken or stoned stupor - I laughed at her which made her more angry, but anyway... I felt the same way as you initially, then thought about some alternate scenerios and I'm not sure. I gave you the example for that reason.

Shawnee123 · 07-24-2007, 02:12 PM

Nope nope nope. Girly girls shouldn't be abusive either. It's about respect, not who is stronger. If I were beating on a man with the proverbial frying pan while he shielded himself I am just as guilty of being abusive as any man could be. If I called him all sorts of horrible things and belittled him then I am just as abusive as any man could be.

Quote:

Maybe I'm more traditional on this, but I'll let emo PMSy girls hit their boyfriends and start crying but I don't think a guy shaking his girl is appropriate.

Tell those girls it's just not cute, and it will get less cute the older they get.

Now, let's all say together: beating on each other is not a healthy way to solve problems. I don't care about your gender, your race, your color, or what planet you're from. It's stupid.

Everyone argues. A few "asshat" or "bitch" words under your breath are no big deal. Hitting and belittling and demeaning is abuse. I don't care who ya are.

monster · 07-24-2007, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

Maybe I'm more traditional on this

I'd call it sexist. And stupid. The wounds may be different, the intent and the problem are the same.

bluecuracao · 07-24-2007, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

Maybe I'm more traditional on this, but I'll let emo PMSy girls hit their boyfriends and start crying but I don't think a guy shaking his girl is appropriate.

How is that traditional??

Uisge Beatha · 07-24-2007, 08:45 PM

I'd guess fresh thinks it more 'traditionally manly' to put up with 'girls hitting their boyfriends' since there may be no serious danger to the guys. This was the case in my situation - I'm about a foot taller than, and almost twice the weight of my wife. As I said earlier, there wasn't really any physical pain involved (other than the time she hit me in the face with a full bottle of shampoo....). The impact on my trust and emotions was decidedly present, however. As several others have now said, I also cannot accept abuse of a partner. Period.

monster · 07-24-2007, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uisge Beatha

I'd guess fresh thinks it more 'traditionally manly' to put up with 'girls hitting their boyfriends' since there may be no serious danger to the guys.

Oh, OK. go for it.

Apart from that suggesting candidates for the Darwins, does that train of thought extend to women thinking "he won't really hurt me because he loves me" or "it's OK because it's only bruises wherew they don't show and they will fade"?

Uisge Beatha · 07-24-2007, 09:51 PM

I meant no offense with my statements and appologize if any were taken. As to the intelligence of them, I can only say that experience showed me that my wife couldn't physically injure me unless she truly tried to do so. The vast majority of her attacks were more akin to venting than attempts to injure me. That did not make any of it proper, however.

freshnesschronic · 07-24-2007, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uisge Beatha

The vast majority of her attacks were more akin to venting than attempts to injure me.

That's what I meant. But I'm the recent scapegoat and everyone likes to have a go at me.

bluecuracao · 07-24-2007, 10:22 PM

That's just...awful, UB. I can't imagine ever wanting to physically (or otherwise, for that matter) harm my fiance. I hope you're not in that kind of situation anymore.

freshnesschronic · 07-24-2007, 10:32 PM

bluecuracao, you must be one of the few girls (bless you) who don't hit their boyfriends/husbands when they go on a frenzy of hormones. UB, me and a whole lot more guys endure the slaps on the arm and punches to the gut while the woman is shrieking with her anger.

All we are trying to say is, that is more of an acceptable behaivor than a man putting his hand on a woman. Call it sexist, but at least we aren't justifying slapping the crap out of raging gal.

07-24-2007, 01:22 PM	#20
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	it's not about what kind of abuse you inflict. it's that you take even a step down that road. you're right to be concerned. why does it even occur to you to use your physical superiority to make your point? because you are feeling inferior in other areas, perhaps? Does she make you feel frustrated by saying things that you can't defend or asking rhetorical questions and then expecting you to answer them and look the fool? the why, the why. remember abuse runs both ways like a current. ...if she pushes you to the edge and wins when you snap and pop her one. a momentary injury in exchange for your guilt and remorse for weeks or months. it's a controlling thing. I personally fear jinx, so i'm in no danger of hitting her....in anger ....but i did used to pick on my little brother unduly.....and years later still get embarrassed when i think of it. You feel like a failure for having to resort to that, don't you? so....own, it. and don't do it ever again. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

07-24-2007, 01:06 PM	#17
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	I think there is a much bigger difference if a male is being abusive than if a female is "being abusive."

07-24-2007, 01:10 PM	#18
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Really? Why so fresh? What if the female was 6'2'' 250 and the male was 5'9" 160 and she beat the hell out of him? Or if it was two women or two men? Why does it make a difference what their respective genders are?

07-24-2007, 01:15 PM	#19
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Are you just looking for a fight? Maybe I'm more traditional on this, but I'll let emo PMSy girls hit their boyfriends and start crying but I don't think a guy shaking his girl is appropriate.

07-24-2007, 08:45 PM	#25
Uisge Beatha Lecturer Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 945	I'd guess fresh thinks it more 'traditionally manly' to put up with 'girls hitting their boyfriends' since there may be no serious danger to the guys. This was the case in my situation - I'm about a foot taller than, and almost twice the weight of my wife. As I said earlier, there wasn't really any physical pain involved (other than the time she hit me in the face with a full bottle of shampoo....). The impact on my trust and emotions was decidedly present, however. As several others have now said, I also cannot accept abuse of a partner. Period.

07-24-2007, 09:51 PM	#27
Uisge Beatha Lecturer Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 945	I meant no offense with my statements and appologize if any were taken. As to the intelligence of them, I can only say that experience showed me that my wife couldn't physically injure me unless she truly tried to do so. The vast majority of her attacks were more akin to venting than attempts to injure me. That did not make any of it proper, however.

07-24-2007, 10:22 PM	#29
bluecuracao in a mood, not cupcake Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 3,034	That's just...awful, UB. I can't imagine ever wanting to physically (or otherwise, for that matter) harm my fiance. I hope you're not in that kind of situation anymore.

07-24-2007, 10:32 PM	#30
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	bluecuracao, you must be one of the few girls (bless you) who don't hit their boyfriends/husbands when they go on a frenzy of hormones. UB, me and a whole lot more guys endure the slaps on the arm and punches to the gut while the woman is shrieking with her anger. All we are trying to say is, that is more of an acceptable behaivor than a man putting his hand on a woman. Call it sexist, but at least we aren't justifying slapping the crap out of raging gal.

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