Looking for People with Anger Problems

[classicman]

Help is a great thing - I've dealt with quite a bit of anger in my day.
Enabling is another issue of which to be aware.

[LittleWolf]

I am not entirely sure, but I think in order to be an enabler, you have to have certain power over an individual's choices or maybe over a situation.

This problem existed before I was involved with the gentleman, so I was quite aware of the risks. He is quite amazing, despite all his faults; which is hilarious given that I tend to meet more people with issues that have a lot more common sense and are more responsible, while all the "normal" people I meet tend to have more serious issues that they deem acceptable so they never bother to fix them: like kleptomania or an unhealthy obsession with celebrities.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by LittleWolf

I am not entirely sure, but I think in order to be an enabler, you have to have certain power over an individual's choices or maybe over a situation.

That's the thing about enabling, it can be as little as saying nothing when something needs to be said, or staying when the only thing that will shock someone into changing is the threat of loved ones leaving. But for what it's worth, you don't seem to me to be enabling him, since the two of you are talking about his problems and working on getting him help.

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

This may have nothing to do with anything. But. I have some problems with anger. I have noticed, since I began tracking my blood sugar, that sometimes I (literally) wake up just steaming mad. Every single time I've thought to check my sugar on these days, it's been low. Well, low for me. Usually 250 and up. On those bad mornings, 90-150.
ETA: Bringing the sugar up, yeah, that don't help.

My dad has diabetes and when he has eaten properly he is a real jerk. I 2nd 'fobble...get the to a doctor!

@L.W. How about pot? That was my brother's suggestion when I was spending a lot of time freaking out, then again I never took his suggestion. I know a lot of people who use it to help 'em deal with anger/stress. There are downsides, but of course there are downsides to any medicine.

[Gravdigr]

Mmmmmm....pot.

[LittleWolf]

He was quite fond of pot not that many years ago.

Unfortunately sometimes pot brings along the sort of friends that are not much smarter than a box full of rocks, except with a much higher inclination of trading all your belongings for more pot when you are not home than a box full rocks would have. Undoubtedly, a box full of rocks would make a much better friend.

[monster]

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WITH ANGER PROBLEMS? SO YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF THEM? grrrr

[morethanpretty]

LEGALIZE IT!!!

[Elspode]

I have some experience with anger control problems, LW. For me, the answer was a reduction in alcohol consumption and to take Lexapro for about eight years. I recently dropped the Lexapro as I was tired of some of the side effects, mild though they were. For me, the anger was an offshoot of depression issues, but through the use of the antidepressant, I learned a lot over the years about my anger triggers and manifestations, and how to suppress the outbursts without simply bottling them up - which just makes the eventual explosion that much worse.

[LittleWolf]

I don't smoke pot myself, or anything for that matter, and I don't have any particular problems with it; except for the people I find in the morning after any given weekend when the local pot head college students decide to go all out.

I don't know if it is the pot, or just the fact they go to college that makes them such annoying pests.

Thank you for sharing that with me, Elspode. My partner doesn't drink but he does take medication for his bipolar. He told him it made him feel calm, and I could very well say his anger is mostly due to bad circumstances he's going through.

Do you still face anger problems today? And how long did it take you to kick it into place? If you don't mind me asking, of course :/

[Elspode]

I certainly still *get* angry, but I am much better at expressing it in a more positive way. Over the years of having the meds on board, I was able to identify situations that would have set me off in the past, but didn't make me feel like going off anymore because of the meds. It wasn't that the meds were really suppressing the anger, but more like they allowed me to have some perspective on things that I lacked before.

The biggest problem for me was what is usually termed as "negative self talk", wherein my internal dialogue was always hashing over and over the shit I perceived, the stuff that I felt justified an angry response on my part. With the meds, there seemed to be less need to conduct such negatively reinforcing internal dialogues, and as time went by, I noted that my anger outbursts were greatly lessened, and when they did happen, I was able to express myself in a more rational manner, rather than simply puking outrage.

There is some work involved, there's no doubt, but as you put some space between the You that has the anger issues and the You that is much better about that, it is easy to identify the things that would have been better addressed in a different way, and the progress becomes much quicker and easier.

This is all pretty hard to explain, actually. You say that your guy's current circumstances might be what are causing his anger, but really, there's always going to be situations of some sort or other, so the issue really ends up being how he deals with them. Being angry about something is often a reasonable reaction to certain situations, however, constructively expressing that anger and dealing constructively with the situation that causes it are the only ways to any realistic solution, both for the anger issue and the issue that caused it.

[ZenGum]

I would speak against the use of cannabis in this situation.
True, in general cases there might be a bit of a chill out effect which might help, but I wouldn't rely on that in this case.
The person is already bipolar and on medication for it. Who knows what adding cannabis into this mix will do?
Also, if someone is angry, impairing their judgment and probably making them paranoid would seem unwise.

[DanaC]

I also would argue against cannabis in this. However good it is at calming you (and it is: I use it as a stress reliever to try and cut the stress-itch-stress-itch cycle in eczema) it camn bring a range of problems. My ex used to use it to try and stay on an even keel when he was going through a similarly difficult time: serious anger management problems. It did help; but, it can also add to depression, and if your man is also on medication for a bi-polar condition it may interact negatively with his medication, or indeed with his particular brain chemistry (given that his brain chemistry is a little off kilter to start with).

The last thing you need is to add paranoia (a definate potential with cannabis) to the mix, or leae him feeling too panned out to 'deal' with difficult situations, given that there is clearly a difficult (and anger inducing) situation to start with.

If he's already on medication for his depression (is it diagnosed as bi-polar or depression?) then he should probably, as a first step, talk to his doctor: explain he is still having difficulty in controlling/usefully expressing his anger. See what the doctor has to say (preferably if it is the same doctor who prescribed his meds) and possibly ask his advice on further therapy/approaches.

Alongside that read up on the sensory systems, or NLP approach to counselling and see if that sounds reassuring.

If it's reasonable that he be feeling angry, that is if he is in a position where anger is the normal and healthy response; then it is just about, as Elspode says, learning how to express that, and gain a workable sense of perspective with it: not everything that induces anger should induce rage. Now, if all anger is felt as rage, then that's either something chemical or cognitive. A counsellor may be able to help identify which and suggest an appropriate course of action.

[LittleWolf]

Thank you for sharing that with us, Elspode, it's hard to get a hold of someone with a realistic view of the problem. A lot of professionals we have talked to, recommend things that don't really apply to us, and when it doesn't work they just figure it is because we are too stupid to follow their directions.

And DanaC, you are absolutely right again. Just like ZenGum said too, I wouldn't want to trade one problem for another, cannabis is something we both agree against.

He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder many years ago, and has gone off and on medication. He can function without it as long as there's no onslaught of situations that force him into constant strong emotions which soon unbalance him.

The doctor that renewed his prescriptions sent him on to another psychologist that would handle the repeated visits for therapy, but she kept insisting on things my partner was uncomfortable with (e.g. role-playing with dolls or strangers and talking excessively about his mother).

We are trying a number of anger management groups that the original doctor suggested, but the ones on the list that are open or free are religious ones, and the others ones can cost a couple of hundred bucks for someone reading from a book we can check out at the library.

We did manage to get our hands on some NLP information, and next time we see his doctor we'll ask for his opinion.

The man is not too far gone; he swears at me sometimes which pisses me and sets me off, but neither of us gets upset enough to cross our boundaries.

He still identifies with his guilt after an outburst, but it's like a maddening spiral. He gets mad, then feels guilty, and then gets even more mad about getting mad, then he feels guilty about getting mad about getting mad... @___________@

But yes, if anybody else can tell us more about their personal experience with anger, we would really like to know more about what worked for you. Thank you kindly!

[classicman]

Just out of curiosity - How/why did you find/choose the cellar to look for angry people?