Kid is obsessed, wants everything and lots of it

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by zippyt

Do NOT cave to the emotional Black male

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

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Did you two plan that?

[footfootfoot]

All of you have made some very good points, I will be back later tonight after they have gone to bed and will write more. I appreciate the perspective you all, or y'all, have given me.

[Bullitt]

Get him a model tank from the hobby store and spend an afternoon with him building it and painting it. That way he has a sense of accomplishment and pride in it and maybe will see it as something much more valuable than something pre-made that doesn't take any effort. I was big into military tanks at his age too, and I had much more fun building models with my dad than just buying something from the store. Held onto those things forever.

[Griff]

Smart idea Bullitt.

I had/have a Gifting Gramma problem as well. Over-time the kids have remained on our end of the materialism spectrum but they know Gramma is wired differently and are gracious in accepting. Their cousins are very stuff oriented but that is really a parent thing. Try to keep Gramma sane but remember your values are the ones they see modeled day in day out.

[Jaydaan]

I was totally going to suggest the model idea too.
I also agree he is old enough to be helping with chores, the chart idea works well.
We had an emotionally challenged child, and one thing that worked well for us was to pay daily. We broke down his chores. IE: making his bed = 25 cents, putting his clothes in the laundry basket = 10 cents, help with setting the table = 25 cents, etc... worked out to basic chores = $5.00/week.
He then had a "shopping day" once a week where he was able to spend half of his earned money. The other half went into a jar for something "big". We told him we would pay for half of whatever that ended up being. We put several items, cut out of magazines onto a chart, with the $$$ amount, then had a thermometer deal beside it. We cloured in our half in blue. Each week he was able to colour in some, eventually getting to his goal. It did not take him long to realize us paying for half of something really big was better than getting the first item on his list.
Maybe something like this can help you.

[Aliantha]

I really like the colouring in idea Jaydaan. I think kids do 'get it' more when there's something physical for them to measure in simple terms.

[skysidhe]

I think the model building is a great idea bullitt.

[Stormieweather]

I don't pay my kids to do normal chores, but I have a list of extras they can do along with the price I'm willing to pay. If they want to earn some money for something, they can pick something from the list and have at it. Of course, they aren't allowed to do something on the list instead of normal chores, regular stuff has to be done first, then they can tackle a money-maker.

I do think kids need to learn that 'things' cost money, and money takes work. That and to be realistic about their wish lists

[monster]

That's sorta how we roll too, stormie. I also operate a random rewards policy where if they've done something they should do nicely without being nagged, or something they weren't asked to do, they might get a little extra.

[Griff]

We don't do any money for chores here. I'd rather the rewards were intrinsic. <shrug> Every kid/family is different in needs and expectations though.

[monster]

Oh, I missed an essential part of Stormie's post There's no list here. We don't pay for regular chores, but if they want to earn money to buy something specific, they can ask and I'll usually find something.

[Cloud]

washing the car was always my money chore when I was a kid

[monster]

There were no money chores when I was a kid. But my dad was tighter than a detroit mayor and his mom.

[footfootfoot]

It was uncanny that right after I posted this, the inch came up to me and asked me how he could earn some money. (A few months ago, he had asked to earn some money so I had him sort out a big box of mixed screws and nails into their respective types and sizes. He did a great job and it was worth a couple of bucks to me to recover a few hours of time and several dollars worth of miscellaneous fasteners.) So I came up with a few chores that were outside of his regularly expected chores. Mainly he is expected to clean up and put away all his toys and anything he uses during the course of the day.

So now, after he has done whatever assigned chore he's been given, he is eligible to do a money earning chore. (I am thinking the whole chore thing might be a ticket to easing up our workload eventually, once we can get him to stay on task.) Anyway, so far it seems to be working, he has been earning money, fifty cents at a time and still has no clue about what it is. e.g. He wanted to be paid for his work so far since the concept of payday at the end of the week was the same thing to him as slavery. He worked, why did I not pay him? I then realized that delayed gratification was a 300 level course. So I agreed to pay him waht he'd earned up to that point ($1.50) and handed him a dollar and he said thanks and walked away. I followed him with the fifty cents and asked him how much a dollar was and how much a dollar fifty was. He got the answer right, but didn't really connect the answer to a bill and two coins...

He has also defused a lot of his mental energy by making drawings of tanks and planes and bombs, etc. His mom trained as an art therapist, so that was her idea and it has worked very well. Models are coming down the pike.

Today his grandma called and he told me to tell her not to buy him the tank, because he is worried that she will get him a small one. This was kind of funny to me because he reasoned that that would be the only tank he'd get, the small one. He didn't figure that he'd get a small one from grandma and a big one from me. He's a funny kid.

[monster]

He's special to you, but frankly, seems like he's just a kid. Which is great. I don't see anything abnormal in what you just described. But then who am I to judge.....