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05-05-2006, 04:49 AM
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#1 |
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Larger than life and twice as ugly.
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
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A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them." The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."
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We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.   Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years |
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05-05-2006, 05:05 AM
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#2 |
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Larger than life and twice as ugly.
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. She's already been told twice.
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We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years |
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07-04-2006, 10:55 AM
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#3 | |
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King Of Wishful Thinking
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Philadelphia Suburbs
Posts: 6,669
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Quote:
 Local joke.
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Exercise your rights and remember your obligations - VOTE!I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. -- Barack Hussein Obama |
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07-04-2006, 11:16 PM
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#4 | |
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Larger than life and twice as ugly.
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
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Quote:
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We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years |
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07-03-2006, 05:32 AM
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#5 |
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Person Who Has Posted
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2
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Little Herbie
Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day his mother tells him that "Tomorrow is a special day and if you pray extra hard tonight you'll be able to see tomorrow for the first day in your life!" Little Herbie - "Really Mom" Mom - "yes little Herbie". So little Herbie goes to bed and prays his ass off. The next morning he wakes up and before he opens his eyes he prays some more. Finally he opens his eyes and...Nothing - Blind as a bat! "MOMMY MOMMY" he screams..Mom comes in "What is it Little Herbie?" little Herbie- "I still can't see!" Mommy - "I know Little Herbie, APRIL FOOLS!"
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07-03-2006, 06:05 AM
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#6 |
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erika
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: "the high up north"
Posts: 6,127
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Did you hear about the new Jewish car?
It can stop on a dime, and pick it up, too.
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not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh |
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07-03-2006, 04:39 PM
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#7 |
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Person Who Has Posted
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2
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Why do women have legs?
So they don't leave a trail like a slug. |
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07-03-2006, 06:57 PM
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#8 |
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Cardigan-wearing man
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Much Binding In The Marsh
Posts: 1,082
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what sort of file do you need to make a hole this big o, this big O?
a paedophile....
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I *like* wearing cardigans...... my current favourite is an orange cable-knit with real leatherette buttons. |
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07-04-2006, 02:18 AM
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#9 |
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Larger than life and twice as ugly.
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
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How many Jews fit into a VW Beetle?
2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 100 in the ashtrays.
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We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years |
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07-04-2006, 01:25 PM
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#10 |
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red-shirt guy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 101
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What's the difference between an epileptic corn-shucker and a diarhettic whore?
The first one shucks and has the fits... |
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07-05-2006, 09:54 AM
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#11 |
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Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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What's the difference between a poor golfer and a poor skydiver?
A poor golfer goes "Whack! Shit!" ********** What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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07-05-2006, 02:19 PM
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#12 |
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Makes some feel uncomfortable
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 10,346
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What's the difference between a pigmy tribe and a girls' field hockey team?
A pigmy tribe is a bunch of cunning runts and a girls hockey team is a bunch of running cunts.
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 "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce
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07-05-2006, 02:23 PM
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#13 |
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Makes some feel uncomfortable
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 10,346
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what's the difference between a snow tire and an african american?
When you put chains on it, the snow tire doesn't sing the blues.
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"I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce
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07-06-2006, 03:47 PM
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#14 |
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Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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Uh, won't let me edit...here's the link I forgot:
http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
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07-06-2006, 11:39 PM
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#15 |
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Larger than life and twice as ugly.
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
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Why do Jews have big noses?
Air is free.
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We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years |
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