Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 179

Spexxvet · 04-22-2009, 04:36 PM

Why is George W. Bush's semen white and his urine yellow?

So he can tell if he's coming or going.

capnhowdy · 04-22-2009, 08:10 PM

Men's underwear come with built-in indicators.

Brown on the back: CHANGE
Yellow on the front: CHECK BACK
Pink: NEVER MIND

classicman · 04-22-2009, 11:14 PM

Subject: FW: HOT AIR BALLOON EXPERIENCE

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much
help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

capnhowdy · 04-23-2009, 06:49 AM

Very good. I'll rip and use that today. thnx.

Shawnee123 · 04-23-2009, 07:32 AM

Oh classic classic classic...that is the worst recycled really old joke rendition I've ever read. It doesn't even make sense.

classicman · 04-23-2009, 08:30 AM

sorry mom sent it to me and thought.... yeh she did that thinkin thing again. IT was late and I was tired and and and...

Shawnee123 · 04-23-2009, 08:33 AM

Awww, it's alright...just giving you the business. [/beavercleaver]

xoxoxoBruce · 04-23-2009, 08:34 AM

You're a beaver cleaver?

Shawnee123 · 04-23-2009, 08:52 AM

No, that's you. They don't call you Hatchet Cock for nothing.

capnhowdy · 04-23-2009, 08:56 PM

....oooohhhh.... she said hatchet.

Sheldonrs · 04-23-2009, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

No, that's you. They don't call you Hatchet Cock for nothing.

Well, you need the right tool if you"re going for a nice piece of ax.

Elspode · 04-23-2009, 10:59 PM

I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting *my* wood.

Gravdigr · 04-24-2009, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy

....oooohhhh.... she said hatchet.

Little Johnny walked in on his Mom in the shower. She saw that Johnny was staring at her vagina and said "Uh...that's where your father accidentally hit me with the hatchet."

Little Johnny said "Gee, he got ya right in the cunt didn't he?"

capnhowdy · 04-24-2009, 06:28 AM

Sheldonrs · 04-24-2009, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elspode

I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting *my* wood.

Sort of a Shaw Wood Forest, huh?

04-22-2009, 04:36 PM	#2671
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Why is George W. Bush's semen white and his urine yellow? So he can tell if he's coming or going. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

04-22-2009, 08:10 PM	#2672
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Men's underwear come with built-in indicators. Brown on the back: CHANGE Yellow on the front: CHECK BACK Pink: NEVER MIND __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

04-22-2009, 11:14 PM	#2673
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Subject: FW: HOT AIR BALLOON EXPERIENCE A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault." __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-23-2009, 06:49 AM	#2674
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Very good. I'll rip and use that today. thnx. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

04-23-2009, 07:32 AM	#2675
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Oh classic classic classic...that is the worst recycled really old joke rendition I've ever read. It doesn't even make sense. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-23-2009, 08:30 AM	#2676
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	sorry mom sent it to me and thought.... yeh she did that thinkin thing again. IT was late and I was tired and and and... __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-23-2009, 08:33 AM	#2677
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Awww, it's alright...just giving you the business. [/beavercleaver] __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-23-2009, 08:34 AM	#2678
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You're a beaver cleaver? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-23-2009, 08:52 AM	#2679
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	No, that's you. They don't call you Hatchet Cock for nothing. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-23-2009, 08:56 PM	#2680
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	....oooohhhh.... she said hatchet. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

04-23-2009, 10:59 PM	#2682
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting my wood. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

04-24-2009, 06:28 AM	#2684
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	__________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

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