The 24 hour engagement. - Page 16

classicman · 05-31-2009, 07:24 PM

The answer to that question has been answered repeatedly. Let it go let, cut her loose and move on. There is no point in waiting for her for one more second, she has answered you already.

capnhowdy · 05-31-2009, 07:30 PM

I think you are addicted to her, Dis. Having withdrawals maybe? Just saying.

Pie · 05-31-2009, 08:28 PM

I did once have a guy come back and give me the "good reason" four years after he dumped me... Turns out he was gay. Who knew??

disenchanted · 05-31-2009, 09:09 PM

I don't have the distance from this to be able to see whether or not it's as cut and dried as the popular sentiment would suggest.

But I also know that I spent a lot of time getting to the point that I was. There was a lot of thought behind the idea of "Am I ready to commit myself to this person for life?"

So right now, I'm faced with the question of "Do I move on?" (even knowing that "moving on" doesn't mean "go find a new relationship tomorrow") I'm grappling with the disconnect of "I was ready to give her my life to share. My whole stupid life. What's that mean if two weeks later I'm to walk away from the whole thing?"

I guess for my own satisfaction, I might need to be a torch-bearer for a bit, even if it doesn't amount to anything but prolonging my being screwed up.

classicman · 05-31-2009, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

I'm grappling with the disconnect of "I was ready to give her my life to share. My whole stupid life. What's that mean if two weeks later I'm to walk away from the whole thing?"

Its not that you are walking away - she is, or rather she has.

xoxoxoBruce · 05-31-2009, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

I'm grappling with the disconnect of "I was ready to give her my life to share. My whole stupid life. What's that mean if two weeks later I'm to walk away from the whole thing?"

It means you had not completed the vetting process. Like a lab experiment or building a house, expectations rise as you get closer to the end, but nothing is certain until it's completed. It doesn't make you a failure just because it didn't work out.

limey · 06-01-2009, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I think you are doing an excellent job of staying as level-headed and objective as you can, dis.

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

Its not that you are walking away - she is, or rather she has.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

It means you had not completed the vetting process. Like a lab experiment or building a house, expectations rise as you get closer to the end, but nothing is certain until it's completed. It doesn't make you a failure just because it didn't work out.

I agree with these people. Good luck, disenchanted. You seem to me to be a really great guy - I hope you will find a really great woman to share your life with, when you're ready.

Clodfobble · 05-31-2009, 09:51 PM

I think you are doing an excellent job of staying as level-headed and objective as you can, dis.

BigV · 05-31-2009, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I think you are doing an excellent job of staying as level-headed and objective as you can, dis.

I agree completely.

classicman · 06-01-2009, 08:41 AM

Oh and if you have some pent up aggression or whatever.... just visit the politics forum.

Aliantha · 06-01-2009, 05:35 PM

Dis, have you found posting your thoughts here helpful at all? On an intrapersonal level if not that you've had some pretty good advice.

disenchanted · 06-01-2009, 09:20 PM

aliantha: Most of the advice seems pretty geared toward the negative. It's over. She's probably found some other guy. There's no way to solve this. Go find someone else. Oh, and from earlier in the thread, I'm probably as bad as she thinks I am, if not worse.

Doesn't seem like there's much hope in this crowd, and maybe it's because I still want to hang on to a little of that but don't have the distance to see it. Or, maybe there's a lot of people here that have their own scars...

I guess it's just giving me a chance to work out the daily nonsense without burning out any one person. Crowd therapy.

Stormieweather · 06-01-2009, 09:33 PM

You've said you thought it through thoroughly and spent a lot of time getting to the point you did in order to ask for the commitment of marriage.

Apparently, she did not put the same effort into her answer.

I think, if I were you, that I would have very serious doubts about a future with this person, even IF she were to change her mind (once again).

Stormie

Aliantha · 06-01-2009, 10:08 PM

dis, I think no matter who you talk to, they'll have scars. I really don't think the people here are anything out of the ordinary.

What makes me think you're probably not going to get lucky and have her running back to you is simply that you seem to be in different places emotionally, and regardless of whether she's the right one for you or not, it's obviously the wrong time for her. I'm not really of the mind that there's someone else. I think there could be many reasons for her not being ready to commit to you, and maybe it'd be nice if she would share those reasons, but it doesn't seem like she's about to so far.

You never know what might happen, but how could you trust what she says in the future after the way she's treated you now? Do you think she'll ever be ready?

I think that's what people have been trying to say.

I know if I'd met my husband even just a few months before I did, we'd never have ended up married because I just wasn't ready then. It can happen like that.

disenchanted · 06-01-2009, 10:18 PM

aliantha: It's a salient point, but I started this thread the night after I last saw her and we're at just over the two week point now. The rush to "Yup, she's over you/you should move on" started within hours.

It's not like I sat stewing on this for six months first.

Maybe I'll be more amiable to joining the "move on" crowd at the one month marker.

05-31-2009, 07:24 PM	#1
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	The answer to that question has been answered repeatedly. Let it go let, cut her loose and move on. There is no point in waiting for her for one more second, she has answered you already. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-31-2009, 07:30 PM	#2
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	I think you are addicted to her, Dis. Having withdrawals maybe? Just saying. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

05-31-2009, 08:28 PM	#3
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	I did once have a guy come back and give me the "good reason" four years after he dumped me... Turns out he was gay. Who knew?? __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

05-31-2009, 09:51 PM	#8
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I think you are doing an excellent job of staying as level-headed and objective as you can, dis. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

06-01-2009, 08:41 AM	#10
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Oh and if you have some pent up aggression or whatever.... just visit the politics forum. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-31-2009, 09:09 PM	#4
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	I don't have the distance from this to be able to see whether or not it's as cut and dried as the popular sentiment would suggest. But I also know that I spent a lot of time getting to the point that I was. There was a lot of thought behind the idea of "Am I ready to commit myself to this person for life?" So right now, I'm faced with the question of "Do I move on?" (even knowing that "moving on" doesn't mean "go find a new relationship tomorrow") I'm grappling with the disconnect of "I was ready to give her my life to share. My whole stupid life. What's that mean if two weeks later I'm to walk away from the whole thing?" I guess for my own satisfaction, I might need to be a torch-bearer for a bit, even if it doesn't amount to anything but prolonging my being screwed up.

06-01-2009, 05:35 PM	#11
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Dis, have you found posting your thoughts here helpful at all? On an intrapersonal level if not that you've had some pretty good advice. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

06-01-2009, 09:20 PM	#12
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	aliantha: Most of the advice seems pretty geared toward the negative. It's over. She's probably found some other guy. There's no way to solve this. Go find someone else. Oh, and from earlier in the thread, I'm probably as bad as she thinks I am, if not worse. Doesn't seem like there's much hope in this crowd, and maybe it's because I still want to hang on to a little of that but don't have the distance to see it. Or, maybe there's a lot of people here that have their own scars... I guess it's just giving me a chance to work out the daily nonsense without burning out any one person. Crowd therapy.

06-01-2009, 09:33 PM	#13
Stormieweather Wearing her bitch boots Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Floriduh Posts: 1,181	You've said you thought it through thoroughly and spent a lot of time getting to the point you did in order to ask for the commitment of marriage. Apparently, she did not put the same effort into her answer. I think, if I were you, that I would have very serious doubts about a future with this person, even IF she were to change her mind (once again). Stormie __________________ "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi

06-01-2009, 10:08 PM	#14
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	dis, I think no matter who you talk to, they'll have scars. I really don't think the people here are anything out of the ordinary. What makes me think you're probably not going to get lucky and have her running back to you is simply that you seem to be in different places emotionally, and regardless of whether she's the right one for you or not, it's obviously the wrong time for her. I'm not really of the mind that there's someone else. I think there could be many reasons for her not being ready to commit to you, and maybe it'd be nice if she would share those reasons, but it doesn't seem like she's about to so far. You never know what might happen, but how could you trust what she says in the future after the way she's treated you now? Do you think she'll ever be ready? I think that's what people have been trying to say. I know if I'd met my husband even just a few months before I did, we'd never have ended up married because I just wasn't ready then. It can happen like that. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

06-01-2009, 10:18 PM	#15
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	aliantha: It's a salient point, but I started this thread the night after I last saw her and we're at just over the two week point now. The rush to "Yup, she's over you/you should move on" started within hours. It's not like I sat stewing on this for six months first. Maybe I'll be more amiable to joining the "move on" crowd at the one month marker.

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