The 24 hour engagement. - Page 14

capnhowdy · 05-29-2009, 07:11 AM

Quote:

"You need to give me more time and have a little patience."

Translation: "Stand by for me for a while and if things don't work out between me and this other guy, I may use you for fill in again. And stop trying to figure out if it's over or not. I will tell you that when I'm through with you."

kerosene · 05-29-2009, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy

Translation: "Stand by for me for a while and if things don't work out between me and this other guy, I may use you for fill in again. And stop trying to figure out if it's over or not. I will tell you that when I'm through with you."

This was my first thought, too. She is testing out the waters with someone else, I am sure.

I know it is hard to move on, but for your own sanity, you need to. Be done with her.

Pico and ME · 05-29-2009, 08:39 AM

What Cap and Beestie said.

classicman · 05-29-2009, 09:06 AM

I'm sorry to say that I agree with the Cap'n on this one. After reading your last post, all I saw was I'm seeing this other guy and if it doesn't work out maybe I'll give you another shot. Eff that! As Beestie said grab the keys to your life and get away from this "woman" ASAP.

Undertoad · 05-29-2009, 09:22 AM

You owe it to her to wait for HER text message welcoming you back into her life...

...at which point you can text back, sorry I'm seeing someone else.

Maybe that woman at work? The one with that sun dress?

ETA: you're being victimized. Text her saying that if she doesn't want to meet with you, you will go ahead with that woman in the sun dress.

limey · 05-29-2009, 09:41 AM

Another vote for the "Turn around and run, RUN, run like the wind" treatment here.
"Hang on while I figure this out" always seems to me to mean "Hang on while I justify this to myself and get to feel a little better about dropping you, then I can drop you more comfortably [for me]", even if there isn't anyone else in the wings.
Sorry, disenchanted.
Do other stuff for a while. Be self indulgent in whichever way works for you.

glatt · 05-29-2009, 09:56 AM

Her request for more time is a very bad sign for the relationship. It means she's done. If she wanted to marry you, she would have said yes, and been happy and enthusiastic about it and not changed her mind.

She's already given you her answer with this whole crazy affair. Time for you to move on. Don't wait for her any more. In the unlikely event that she comes crawling back to you in a couple months, you can deal deal with it then. But don't wait for it to happen, and don't expect it to happen. It almost certainly will not.

dar512 · 05-29-2009, 09:48 AM

You've seen the movie War Games right? Sometimes the only way to win is not to play the game. I think this is one of those cases. Back away now and save yourself.

Also, try to learn something from this experience. If you didn't see this coming, you didn't know the girl well enough to propose to anyway.

"Till death do us part" is a long time. You want to make sure you're compatible in addition to being in love.

Beestie · 05-29-2009, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dar512

If you didn't see this coming, you didn't know the girl well enough to propose to anyway.

Alternatively, he did see it coming and rushed the proposal to 'lock her in'. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway.

dar512 · 05-29-2009, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beestie

Alternatively, he did see it coming and rushed the proposal to 'lock her in'. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway.

If so, bad idea. Bad, bad, bad.

kerosene · 05-29-2009, 10:05 AM

If that is the case, at least it didn't work. If it had, they would both be miserable in a matter of months.

xoxoxoBruce · 05-29-2009, 10:05 AM

Not necessarily another man, could be another woman... or group of women, girlfriends saying, "You can do better than him".

Clodfobble · 05-29-2009, 01:10 PM

I don't personally think there's anyone else. I think she's just a coward. She knows it's over. But she's not willing to just say that. She's doing that stupid thing where you just wait and maybe you'll feel differently in the morning... except no one ever does. But if she just keeps waiting, maybe you'll get tired of bugging her, and then she won't have to be the bad guy, right?

I'm really sorry things have worked out the way they have, disenchanted. But seriously, listen to what every single person is telling you at this point: it's over. And even if she did come crawling back at some point, you need to have the ability to recognize that this is not, nor will it ever be, the makings of a marriage. Not. At. All. And Beestie's right--you will look back on this when you really meet the right girl and say, "Holy hell, why was it so hard to see what a bad idea that was at the time? I'm so glad I got out of that one."

Undertoad · 05-29-2009, 01:25 PM

No matter what her actual intentions are, she's a game player. Surprise me, don't surprise me. I would like to be with you, oh I never want to be with you again, oh maybe if you just wait longer. This is not the stuff of healthy relationships.

disenchanted · 05-29-2009, 07:44 PM

at this point, I'm not looking to take heroic measures to save the relationship. I think it's got doom-stank all over it.

But one conversation. Maybe get a few questions answered so they don't have to haunt me, you know?

Granted, I'm oscillating pretty rapidly between wanting clarity and closure, so tomorrow may bring a different opinion.

Oh, and Undertoad, I work with a bunch of engineers, if any of them show up in a sun dress, I'd be running away.

05-29-2009, 09:06 AM	#4
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	I'm sorry to say that I agree with the Cap'n on this one. After reading your last post, all I saw was I'm seeing this other guy and if it doesn't work out maybe I'll give you another shot. Eff that! As Beestie said grab the keys to your life and get away from this "woman" ASAP. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-29-2009, 09:41 AM	#6
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Another vote for the "Turn around and run, RUN, run like the wind" treatment here. "Hang on while I figure this out" always seems to me to mean "Hang on while I justify this to myself and get to feel a little better about dropping you, then I can drop you more comfortably [for me]", even if there isn't anyone else in the wings. Sorry, disenchanted. Do other stuff for a while. Be self indulgent in whichever way works for you. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

05-29-2009, 09:48 AM	#8
dar512 dar512 is now Pete Zicato Join Date: May 2003 Location: Chicago suburb Posts: 4,968	You've seen the movie War Games right? Sometimes the only way to win is not to play the game. I think this is one of those cases. Back away now and save yourself. Also, try to learn something from this experience. If you didn't see this coming, you didn't know the girl well enough to propose to anyway. "Till death do us part" is a long time. You want to make sure you're compatible in addition to being in love. __________________ "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller

05-29-2009, 10:05 AM	#12
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Not necessarily another man, could be another woman... or group of women, girlfriends saying, "You can do better than him". __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

05-29-2009, 01:10 PM	#13
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I don't personally think there's anyone else. I think she's just a coward. She knows it's over. But she's not willing to just say that. She's doing that stupid thing where you just wait and maybe you'll feel differently in the morning... except no one ever does. But if she just keeps waiting, maybe you'll get tired of bugging her, and then she won't have to be the bad guy, right? I'm really sorry things have worked out the way they have, disenchanted. But seriously, listen to what every single person is telling you at this point: it's over. And even if she did come crawling back at some point, you need to have the ability to recognize that this is not, nor will it ever be, the makings of a marriage. Not. At. All. And Beestie's right--you will look back on this when you really meet the right girl and say, "Holy hell, why was it so hard to see what a bad idea that was at the time? I'm so glad I got out of that one." __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

05-29-2009, 08:39 AM	#3
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	What Cap and Beestie said.

05-29-2009, 09:22 AM	#5
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	You owe it to her to wait for HER text message welcoming you back into her life... ...at which point you can text back, sorry I'm seeing someone else. Maybe that woman at work? The one with that sun dress? ETA: you're being victimized. Text her saying that if she doesn't want to meet with you, you will go ahead with that woman in the sun dress.

05-29-2009, 09:56 AM	#7
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Her request for more time is a very bad sign for the relationship. It means she's done. If she wanted to marry you, she would have said yes, and been happy and enthusiastic about it and not changed her mind. She's already given you her answer with this whole crazy affair. Time for you to move on. Don't wait for her any more. In the unlikely event that she comes crawling back to you in a couple months, you can deal deal with it then. But don't wait for it to happen, and don't expect it to happen. It almost certainly will not.

05-29-2009, 10:05 AM	#11
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	If that is the case, at least it didn't work. If it had, they would both be miserable in a matter of months.

05-29-2009, 01:25 PM	#14
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	No matter what her actual intentions are, she's a game player. Surprise me, don't surprise me. I would like to be with you, oh I never want to be with you again, oh maybe if you just wait longer. This is not the stuff of healthy relationships.

05-29-2009, 07:44 PM	#15
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	at this point, I'm not looking to take heroic measures to save the relationship. I think it's got doom-stank all over it. But one conversation. Maybe get a few questions answered so they don't have to haunt me, you know? Granted, I'm oscillating pretty rapidly between wanting clarity and closure, so tomorrow may bring a different opinion. Oh, and Undertoad, I work with a bunch of engineers, if any of them show up in a sun dress, I'd be running away.

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