Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 124

BrianR · 06-11-2008, 05:26 PM

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.

I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950’s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
2. Teaching Math In 1960’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100 His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1970’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In 1980’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990’s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s ok. )
6. Teaching Math In 2008
Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

lookout123 · 06-11-2008, 05:33 PM

Brilliant. sad, true, but brilliant.

Sundae · 06-12-2008, 05:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

Brilliant. sad, true, but brilliant.

Hey! As someone who learned maths in the 80s I resemble that remark!
I actually have a learning disability in maths and my teachers had to work extra hard to get me through my exams. I can assure you it was still taught 50s style in my school.

Anyway, as you were.

footfootfoot · 06-11-2008, 08:23 PM

That made my week.

lumberjim · 06-12-2008, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

That made my week.

the difference between oral and anal:

oral can make your whole day

anal can make your hole weak

BrianR · 06-12-2008, 07:39 AM

it's a JOKE, not commentary. Sheesh.

Sundae · 06-12-2008, 08:49 AM

That's why I didn't quote the joke in my remark, but Lookout's comment that it was true.

HungLikeJesus · 06-12-2008, 09:35 AM

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and an anal thermometer?

The taste.

classicman · 06-13-2008, 07:15 AM

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the

first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,

"What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird."

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked

"What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

"Don't tell me," she said.

"Let me guess..............

^

^

^

^

^

^

^

^

^

^

^

^

Smallcox?"

lookout123 · 06-13-2008, 12:32 PM

i lol'd.

Kagen4o4 · 06-13-2008, 10:29 PM

nice

Flint · 06-13-2008, 10:32 PM

ha ha ha

classicman · 06-18-2008, 07:55 PM

--- Black Hurricanes

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman (this would be Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston ), reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names.

She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!

She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in "language"
that street people can understand because one of the problems that
happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at
140+ MPH, that's too hard to understand

I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says...

Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-ca ne Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket!
Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren,
leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit!

footfootfoot · 06-24-2008, 09:15 PM

.

footfootfoot · 06-24-2008, 09:35 PM

The survey

Last month the UN conducted a worldwide survey with one question:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant
In the US they didn't know what "rest of the world" meant.

06-11-2008, 05:26 PM	#1
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950’s: 1. Teaching Math In 1950’s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ? 2. Teaching Math In 1960’s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100 His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Math In 1970’s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit? 4. Teaching Math In 1980’s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1990’s A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s ok. ) 6. Teaching Math In 2008 Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho? __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

06-11-2008, 05:33 PM	#2
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	Brilliant. sad, true, but brilliant. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

06-11-2008, 08:23 PM	#4
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	That made my week. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-12-2008, 07:39 AM	#6
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	it's a JOKE, not commentary. Sheesh. __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

06-12-2008, 08:49 AM	#7
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	That's why I didn't quote the joke in my remark, but Lookout's comment that it was true. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

06-12-2008, 09:35 AM	#8
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	What's the difference between an oral thermometer and an anal thermometer? The taste. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

06-13-2008, 07:15 AM	#9
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird." "I had tolio as a child," he answered. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes." When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess.............. ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Smallcox?" __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

06-13-2008, 12:32 PM	#10
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	i lol'd. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

06-13-2008, 10:29 PM	#11
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	nice __________________ something we both can enjoy??

06-13-2008, 10:32 PM	#12
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	ha ha ha __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

06-18-2008, 07:55 PM	#13
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	--- Black Hurricanes --- Black Hurricanes Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman (this would be Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston ), reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up! She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in "language" that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report. I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+ MPH, that's too hard to understand I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says... Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-ca ne Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit! __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

06-24-2008, 09:15 PM	#14
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	. Attached Images __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-24-2008, 09:35 PM	#15
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	The survey Last month the UN conducted a worldwide survey with one question: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant In South America they didn't know what "please" meant In the US they didn't know what "rest of the world" meant. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

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