Merry F'in Christmas - I want a divorce. - Page 12

Elspode · 01-15-2006, 05:00 PM

Take the trip money, call in the pros, and sit back and try to make good decisions based on their advice and experience. Don't bluff, just decide what is equitable in your mind, and then strive to get that...be it house, cars, cash, kids...whatever.

You cannot buy a mended heart, Lookout, but you can buy the best and most equitable settlement. A lawyer can tell you the real deal on her fitness as a parent for starters. Since your child's welfare seems to be your highest concern, you definitely need professional counsel.

Sorry, dude. This must be wearing on you severely. I've been there and I know. It helped that we were pretty poor and my ex was willing to let go of just about everything to get out, so I got house and kid. Of course, I also got a lot of budens to carry with that package, but it has worked out for the best. Get thee to a lawyer, and luck and blessings go with you.

WabUfvot5 · 01-16-2006, 01:31 AM

It sounds like she didn't think this through clearly if she just thought she'd take the kid and anything else on her terms. You did all you could. I'd have strangled her personally. For not doing anything like that you've shown a lot about yourself

I hope things work out for you and your kid.

Not to be an agitator but has anybody ever had a real mental evaluation? I haven't. I'm just curious if it's the kind of thing you could bluff your way through.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-16-2006, 03:18 AM

Calling Dr Wolf, calling Dr Wolf....question in post #167.

lookout123 · 01-16-2006, 08:48 AM

the counselor we were seeing is a psychologist. he said that from what he has seen there is a very real possibility of a chemical or neurological problem, BUT if she goes in for a psych eval and consistantly plays the "i'm fine" angle, most likely nothing will be found unless it is a huge chemical problem with flashing neon lights.

chimmichunga · 01-17-2006, 04:27 PM

I just got here by way of a Fark classified by the Cellar. Just checking things out and I came across this thread and I thought you were my husband for a few seconds there, cause what do you know same thing here. I have everything most women want (I guess) house, 2 cars, not alot of debt, 2 kids and careers. My husband loves me to pieces, I have been existing. I am not in love with my husband, i look at him the way you look at the alarm clock, important item, but you wouldn't exactly shed tears if it broke. I didn't read all the posts, sorry at work, but I just wanted to comment, and I will go back when i have the time to read more. I told my husband of 6 years that I no longer love him and I wanted a divorce. It was hardest thing I had to do, alot transpired, we are currently in counseling, It helps. So good luck, truly.

Clodfobble · 01-17-2006, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chimmichunga

I am not in love with my husband, i look at him the way you look at the alarm clock, important item, but you wouldn't exactly shed tears if it broke.

Unless you are horrifically miserable, it is absolutely not worth it to leave. Indifference is not a reason for divorce. I dunno if your parents were divorced or not, but I'm telling you, your husband will never really be out of the picture anyway because of your kids, those kids will be very hurt and sad and confused by the whole thing, and you will not suddenly find deep, amazing love just because you are now allowed to look for it.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-17-2006, 07:48 PM

Welcome to the Cellar, chimmichunga.

I’m curious, why did you marry him? Pregnant? Bored? Escaping a bad environment? Everyone else was getting married? You were in love, then? You thought you were in love, then? None of the above?
I’m not alone in wondering what brings a woman/wife/mother to this point.
All too often I hear, “Well, he picks his teeth”, only to find out later when they were engaged she thought him picking his teeth was cute/macho/whatever.

Sometimes it’s nothing more than, life didn’t turn out like I thought it would, life is boring, he’s so predictable I could scream.
I’m sorry if I’m putting you on the spot here, but if you would….if you can….I’d love to get some insight how this happens…..please.

I’m also curious how this situation affects you outside the home. You said careers, plural, so I assume you work outside the home. Does this make you more receptive to flirting at work? Have you had an affair? Have you thought about having an affair? Do you live near me? Kidding, just kidding. But I do wonder how this affects your “public deportment”?

lookout123 · 01-17-2006, 11:17 PM

welcome. i would certainly welcome your input on these issues. and i'm pretty sure you aren't my wife. if i said "fark" to her, she would just think i'm slurring my words.

01-18-2006, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jebediah

It sounds like she didn't think this through clearly if she just thought she'd take the kid and anything else on her terms. You did all you could. I'd have strangled her personally. For not doing anything like that you've shown a lot about yourself

I hope things work out for you and your kid.

Not to be an agitator but has anybody ever had a real mental evaluation? I haven't. I'm just curious if it's the kind of thing you could bluff your way through.

Well, I'm not Doc Wolf, but I have had a neuropsychological evaluation. The damn thing took two or three week's worth of different tests at 3 hours a pop. I suppose one might bluff their way through such a thing, but you'd have to be a hell of a lot smarter than I am to pull it off.

I got really fed up with the whole thing somewhere in the middle and challenged my evaluater with "For God's sake, why?"

She explained that all these different tests that seemed pretty much identical to me were psychologists' clever little way of testing the integrity of the patient, along with everything else. She explained a little of how it worked AFTER the testing, but damned if I can remember now what the finer points were.

Anyhow, someone who makes it through one of those pups has excellent health insurance (very time consuming and must be administered by someone specially trained to do it, write up is like 10 pages long!) and probably a reasonable analysis at the end.

Or so it seemed to me.

lookout123 · 01-18-2006, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Anyhow, someone who makes it through one of those pups has excellent health insurance (very time consuming and must be administered by someone specially trained to do it, write up is like 10 pages long!) and probably a reasonable analysis at the end.

pffft! i wish. i will be stroking the check for this one. but it is worth it. i would much rather spend the money trying to help my wife and repair my marriage than fighting in court.

eval = $2000 just for the testing portion.

attorney quotes i've received this week = $5-8000.

jaguar · 01-18-2006, 10:21 AM

The only people I know that got really fucked up by parent's divorces were either a: it was a long, bitter thing or b: they were between about 13-18, younger than that, people seem to be ok, myself included (obvious jokes aside).

Undertoad · 01-18-2006, 10:26 AM

"Lawyer Man" by Steve Deasy

(If you like this please buy it thank you)

01-18-2006, 10:32 AM

Damn! Sorry to hear that you must pay out of pocket for the thing, Lookout! Yeah, the price of a neuropsych eval would keep a small Mexican village in frijoles for a year!

I don't see how a person could cheat on one, at least. Like, for example: One part is a series of story cards that you have to put in the right order. You could have the story end any number of different ways - there's no obvious "right" answer. And they have you do this giganto, million question personality inventory. Man, that thing sucked! It went on and on and it kept asking the same questions in slightly different ways. If someone has already taken it several times and has a pretty good memory, it might be possible to cheat on it, but I think they count on the exhaustion factor to wear you down. If you're trying to appear to be something you're not, you're bound to slip up on question no. 1,004 or no. 679.

You have to be motivated and co-operative to get through the process. Will your wife really agree to the testing?

footfootfoot · 01-18-2006, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

...snip...

You have to be motivated and co-operative to get through the process. Will your wife really agree to the testing?

I'm sure lookout has a little negotiation leverage, such as: I'll let you have uncontested "y" if you agree to the full psych workup. Or some such variation.

Good luck lookout,

WabUfvot5 · 01-18-2006, 02:13 PM

That's what I was hoping: that the test would be long, grueling, and shake out anybody who thought they'd just lie their way through it. I had a very minor one (in comparison) for medical reasons and was very bent out of shape about them asking the same thing over and over again. That was of course what they were testing (confusion). I could have bluffed my way through that but not a test like marichiko took.

01-15-2006, 05:00 PM	#166
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Take the trip money, call in the pros, and sit back and try to make good decisions based on their advice and experience. Don't bluff, just decide what is equitable in your mind, and then strive to get that...be it house, cars, cash, kids...whatever. You cannot buy a mended heart, Lookout, but you can buy the best and most equitable settlement. A lawyer can tell you the real deal on her fitness as a parent for starters. Since your child's welfare seems to be your highest concern, you definitely need professional counsel. Sorry, dude. This must be wearing on you severely. I've been there and I know. It helped that we were pretty poor and my ex was willing to let go of just about everything to get out, so I got house and kid. Of course, I also got a lot of budens to carry with that package, but it has worked out for the best. Get thee to a lawyer, and luck and blessings go with you. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

01-16-2006, 03:18 AM	#168
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Calling Dr Wolf, calling Dr Wolf....question in post #167. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-17-2006, 07:48 PM	#172
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Welcome to the Cellar, chimmichunga. I’m curious, why did you marry him? Pregnant? Bored? Escaping a bad environment? Everyone else was getting married? You were in love, then? You thought you were in love, then? None of the above? I’m not alone in wondering what brings a woman/wife/mother to this point. All too often I hear, “Well, he picks his teeth”, only to find out later when they were engaged she thought him picking his teeth was cute/macho/whatever. Sometimes it’s nothing more than, life didn’t turn out like I thought it would, life is boring, he’s so predictable I could scream. I’m sorry if I’m putting you on the spot here, but if you would….if you can….I’d love to get some insight how this happens…..please. I’m also curious how this situation affects you outside the home. You said careers, plural, so I assume you work outside the home. Does this make you more receptive to flirting at work? Have you had an affair? Have you thought about having an affair? Do you live near me? Kidding, just kidding. But I do wonder how this affects your “public deportment”? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-18-2006, 10:21 AM	#176
jaguar whig Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 5,075	The only people I know that got really fucked up by parent's divorces were either a: it was a long, bitter thing or b: they were between about 13-18, younger than that, people seem to be ok, myself included (obvious jokes aside). __________________ Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Twain

01-16-2006, 01:31 AM	#167
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	It sounds like she didn't think this through clearly if she just thought she'd take the kid and anything else on her terms. You did all you could. I'd have strangled her personally. For not doing anything like that you've shown a lot about yourself I hope things work out for you and your kid. Not to be an agitator but has anybody ever had a real mental evaluation? I haven't. I'm just curious if it's the kind of thing you could bluff your way through.

01-16-2006, 08:48 AM	#169
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	the counselor we were seeing is a psychologist. he said that from what he has seen there is a very real possibility of a chemical or neurological problem, BUT if she goes in for a psych eval and consistantly plays the "i'm fine" angle, most likely nothing will be found unless it is a huge chemical problem with flashing neon lights.

01-17-2006, 04:27 PM	#170
chimmichunga Soylent Greenhorn Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Central Texas Posts: 25	I just got here by way of a Fark classified by the Cellar. Just checking things out and I came across this thread and I thought you were my husband for a few seconds there, cause what do you know same thing here. I have everything most women want (I guess) house, 2 cars, not alot of debt, 2 kids and careers. My husband loves me to pieces, I have been existing. I am not in love with my husband, i look at him the way you look at the alarm clock, important item, but you wouldn't exactly shed tears if it broke. I didn't read all the posts, sorry at work, but I just wanted to comment, and I will go back when i have the time to read more. I told my husband of 6 years that I no longer love him and I wanted a divorce. It was hardest thing I had to do, alot transpired, we are currently in counseling, It helps. So good luck, truly.

01-17-2006, 11:17 PM	#173
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	welcome. i would certainly welcome your input on these issues. and i'm pretty sure you aren't my wife. if i said "fark" to her, she would just think i'm slurring my words.

01-18-2006, 10:26 AM	#177
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	"Lawyer Man" by Steve Deasy (If you like this please buy it thank you)

01-18-2006, 10:32 AM	#178
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Damn! Sorry to hear that you must pay out of pocket for the thing, Lookout! Yeah, the price of a neuropsych eval would keep a small Mexican village in frijoles for a year! I don't see how a person could cheat on one, at least. Like, for example: One part is a series of story cards that you have to put in the right order. You could have the story end any number of different ways - there's no obvious "right" answer. And they have you do this giganto, million question personality inventory. Man, that thing sucked! It went on and on and it kept asking the same questions in slightly different ways. If someone has already taken it several times and has a pretty good memory, it might be possible to cheat on it, but I think they count on the exhaustion factor to wear you down. If you're trying to appear to be something you're not, you're bound to slip up on question no. 1,004 or no. 679. You have to be motivated and co-operative to get through the process. Will your wife really agree to the testing?

01-18-2006, 02:13 PM	#180
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	That's what I was hoping: that the test would be long, grueling, and shake out anybody who thought they'd just lie their way through it. I had a very minor one (in comparison) for medical reasons and was very bent out of shape about them asking the same thing over and over again. That was of course what they were testing (confusion). I could have bluffed my way through that but not a test like marichiko took.

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