Corrupted Wish

[zippyt]

Poof the perfect ham sandwich appears in your hand , but You find your self in Bagdad with an angry crowd around you , seems you appeared in the middle of an extream insurgents meeting , there you are a woman with OUT a head cover , AND with a HAM sandwich !!! Just how much ammo DO You carry ???


I wish that I could win the $114 Mil Powerball lotto .

[Tonchi]

You do win! But due to a computer error so do 113 million other people. This leads to the largest class-action suit in history, and 5 years later after the lawyers have taken their cut, your share is $1.53.


I wish I could train T'Pau, Queen of the Universe, to use the toilet and flush it like the cat in Meet the Parents.

You receive the Meet The Parents DVD as a gift and repeatedly watch the sequence of the cat using the toilet with T'Pau. Spontaneously, T'Pau starts using and flushing the toilet all by herself. One day, you notice that all the toilet's contents have not flushed properly and there are tiny bags of an unknown substance left in the bowl. You finally realize how T'Pau became Queen of the Universe!

I wish that I could watch a grudge match between Colin Powell and Donald Rumsfeld.

[smoothmoniker]

Bam - your wish is granted. Unfortunately, the grudge match is over which one gets you as their prison bitch while serving out life terms at Gitmo.

I wish i could get this stale cigar taste out of my mouth.

[Elspode]

You look over your shoulder, and suddenly two beautiful, Amazon women are forcing you to the floor. While one holds you down, the other urinates into your mouth.

I wish I had a nickel for every time someone said something stupid to me.

A truck full of nickels leaving the mint loses control and drives off of a bridge and falls onto you, severing your legs & removing your genitalia. Ironically your pay-out from the initial compensation from the government is the exact amount of the nickles, which matches the number of times people have said stupid things to you. It was a big truck.

I wish for a magical rainbow beer fountain... each fount is a different brew from lager to stout.

[zippyt]

Boom a beautiful beer fountin , 1 problem , ,,, its all USED beer !!!


I wish I had a porsche

Fine.... you got one, filled with my beer.

I want a vacation.

[DucksNuts]

*poooof* you arrive at your isolated beach shack with full babysitting facilities....but the travel agent neglected to tell you of the giant monitor lizard problem!! You spend the entire week fighting off an infection which turns to gangrene and well...you get the rest.

I want a packet of TimTams that never runs out.

[romuh doog]

You're walking on the beach in New Zealand a tambourine, and devil, and a magic lamp appears in the sand. You pick up the lamp up, rub it off and a blue gin appears in a puff of (smoke of your choice) with a bottomless package of Tin Tams but we know you are only going for unlimited Tim Tams for the alcolhol content, and only wished for Tim Tams/not (rehab)spin-dry so you wonder aimlessly on the beaches of New Zealand, drunk on Tim Tams, and banging your tambourine for Tazzies...

I wish I was a mermaid

[Tonchi]

When you look in your pocket you discover the packet of TimTams which never runs out has appeared. You rip it open and settle down to watch TV while enjoying the bounty, but you discover that although you have eaten enough of the little buggers to cure you of the desire permanently, the package keeps spilling TimTams onto the table. The table fills up and they start rolling across the floor. You sweep them all out the door, but by the time you wake the next morning your house is 3 feet deep in TimTams. You start mailing boxes of the things to everybody you know at The Cellar, but they just keep coming. The Food Bank refuses to accept anymore of them. Film crews arrive to document your dwelling with streams of TimTams pouring out all the windows. The Australian Environmental Protection Agency declares your property a toxic waste dump when they discover you have been burying them in the back yard at night. Fortunately, when you are booked into prison, they take away all your clothes and possessions, so the bottomless packet of TimTams goes into the police Evidence Room.


I wish I had a VCR that didn't break all the time.

[Griff]

Your vcr is completely sound but still bitter over beta SONY finally buys out ever tape manufacturer and shuts them down, starting your serial relationship with low quality dvd players.

I wish the Cellar music project would include a ska speed metal version of the Skye Boat Song.

[footfootfoot]

I just uploaded the song to cmep2, enjoy! Oh yeah, it was carrying a nasty virus that didn't actually wipe out your data, though you wish it had. Instead it qiuetly began downloading innapropriate materials and emailing them to everyone in your address book, while simultaneously taunting the feds with info that you have been downloading unlicensed music.

I wish I could get a little bit of help with the projects around here.

[Elspode]

In a flash of light, a midget appears, walks over to your least pressing project, performs 30 seconds of labor on it, and vanishes in an equal flash of light, leaving you realizing that you have, indeed, just received a *little bit of help*.

I wish I had seen, in person, the Eagles concert which I am presently watching on Bravo.

[Tonchi]

Since time travel is not going to be an option within your lifetime, you despair of ever having your wish granted. Tired of not getting your way with anything, you decide to become a Mormon. You really get into your new religion, you love giving orders and making things happen and after many years you eventually rise to a very high position in the Salt Lake City Temple. Your word is law, you are considered a very holy person, and when you die you definitely go to heaven with a fast track for advancement. After several millenia of increasingly impressive reincarnations, you reach the ideal pure state of being which all Mormon men may aspire to and you become a god yourself, with your own universe and the works. One day, inbetween creating planets and people to worship you, you suddenly remember that long-long-ago concert by the Eagles. Ah HA! Now you are God and you can go back and watch that concert in person, just like you always wanted to. So you do


I wish I could get 8 hours of sleep every night and wake up feeling perfectly well.