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Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along? |
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11-24-2011, 10:31 PM | #1 |
Bitchy Little Brat
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 5,067
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My nephew and his Dad
So, for those of you who dont know (which is probably most of you I guess), I moved from Wagga Wagga, NSW to Hervey Bay, Queensland (Ali and I are in the same state now!! and Im a beach bum)...my Mum has just moved up here too.
Anyway, Queensland is where the majority of my family are, so it made sense to move closer, my Nephew (who is only 11 years younger than me, we used to be quite close) and I have been spending a bit of time together. We were sitting on the beach and I asked if he ever thought about his Dad, who he hasnt seen for 20 odd years. My sister and his father separated when he was very young, and she has poisoned JS (my nephew) against him, so JS has always hated the man. He asked me what I remember of his Dad and what I thought, and although I was very young at the time, I always thought he was a great guy and a lot of fun, plus I know my sister is bloody difficult at the best of times. So now JS wants to track down his Dad and asked me to help, I'm all for it...but now I am thinking...why hasnt this man tried to keep in contact with his Son, will there be a box of unopened birthday and christmas cards at my sisters like in the movies? Did he just up and walk away and never look back? My sister lives in the same house as she did when they were together, I know the Dad is in the same area because I google stalked him and found him on Facebook and LinkedIn. All of a sudden I dont trust myself and my judgement, so I have initiated contact before I let my nephew know I have found him. Realistically, the very same thing could happen to my little ferels. They havent seen their Dad for 5 years and it is 100% his choice, but I make sure I never say a bad thing about him, because one day they are going to track him down and they need to form their own opinions of him. Sorry that was a bit rambly, I just need to get it out of my head. |
11-25-2011, 12:35 AM | #2 |
trying hard to be a better person
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
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What happened when you found him? Have you talked to him yet?
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
11-25-2011, 06:33 AM | #3 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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yikes.
good luck with whatever you decide to do. Sticky tricky situation. I've no advice - only good wishes that it turns out okay for all involved.
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
11-25-2011, 08:01 AM | #4 |
Bitchy Little Brat
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 5,067
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I haven't spoken to him yet, I messaged him on Facebook and stalked him on there..he has another family...so I will tread lightly.
I had tea with my Brother and Sister in law tonight and picked their brains about the aftermath (my brother is 10 years older than me) and they seems to think it was all my sister, the fact that JS doesn't know his Dad. I wish his mobile was listed somewhere as I would prefer not to call his house and get a member of his family. |
11-25-2011, 08:19 AM | #5 |
Старый сержант
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: NC, dreaming of large Russian women.
Posts: 1,464
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You know Ducky, sitting here in my quarterback underwear with a cup of coffee and thinking about this....maybe a letter by post would be a good idea. You could take the time to compose exactly what you want to say. Hand written letters just have a different feel then email, chat and phone calls.
I don't know, just a thought. I with you the best with however you continue.
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Birth, wealth, and position are valueless during wartime. Man is only judged by his character --Soldier's Testament. Death, like birth, is a secret of Nature. - Marcus Aurelius. |
11-25-2011, 09:04 AM | #6 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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I think R.J has a good plan.
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
11-25-2011, 09:58 AM | #7 |
Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods
Posts: 6,402
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What Bri said...
And be prepared for a response even worse than whatever have you imagined. |
11-25-2011, 03:22 PM | #8 |
Bitchy Little Brat
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 5,067
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Well, right person on Facebook. My initial message was just a "hey, is my name and my sister's name familiar", to which he replied "yes dux, you have the right person".
My next one was just a feeler...we will see how that one goes over. I genuinely remember him as a sweet, kind and fun guy, and my sister said a whole lot of crap that the rest of my family took as BS. But...im prepared for him to tell me to fuck off. |
11-25-2011, 04:21 PM | #9 |
trying hard to be a better person
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
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My Dad and I were having a conversation about my kids the other day. Their father moved to NZ almost 2 yrs ago and wants them to go over and stay with him and his new family for xmas this year.
I have agreed that they can go, but Aden in particular has a lot of issues with his father, the least of which is that he moved to another country and didn't tell them for several months. Just disappeared. So anyway, Dad knows the history between Kal and I and my Dad is no big fan of Kal's, but his words to me were, "It doesn't matter what sort of an arsehole their father is, they have a right to make their own decisions about their relationship with their father, and they're old enough now that they should be able to ask the questions they want and receive the answers they need. Truthfully." So anyway, I've told Aden he should go and ask his father why he's made the choices he has. I just hope that they don't come to blows. eta: So anyway, my point is that no matter what the history is, all kids deserve to know their parents and eventually make their own decisions about what sort of relationship they want with them (barring the possibility of some kind of abuse of course), so I think you're doing the right thing Ducky. I don't believe your sister has a right to keep her child from his father just for her own reasons.
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
11-25-2011, 08:35 PM | #10 |
LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 7,661
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Your dad is wise Ali ,
our kids figured out that their dad is an Ass on their own
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"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner |
11-25-2011, 08:38 PM | #11 |
Doctor Wtf
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
Posts: 12,861
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Of course, if Duck's nephew figures out dad is okay, the consequence is facing that maybe mum is not okay, else why did she say all that about dad.
Tricky, but children can only be sheltered from uncomfortable truths for so long.
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Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl. |
11-25-2011, 08:52 PM | #12 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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Have been close to where SN's nephew is. You just need to get all the raw data and figure it out for yourself ....DN is totally doing the right thing.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
11-25-2011, 11:04 PM | #14 |
a beautiful fool
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
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You're missing something.
I hope the kid can find the good in his dad, ducks. And vice versa. Good luck... Follow your gut.
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There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool |
11-26-2011, 12:23 AM | #15 |
LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 7,661
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Originally Posted by zippyt View Post
our kids figured out that their dad is an Ass on their own ??? Did you just call yourself an ass or am I missing something? Sperm doaner , not me , im Step dad
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"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner |
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