Kids and the Internet - Page 5

Stormieweather · 04-22-2007, 10:19 AM

Personally, I think the level of monitoring should depend on the age as well as the level of responsibility the child demonstrates in other areas. You can teach them, but have that proved that they've learned those lessons?

For example, my S18 (nearly 19) has had unsupervised use of the internet for 3 years now. But he is exceptionally responsible in that he doesn't smoke, drink, use drugs, break curfew or otherwise disrespect me. The only issue we've had with his internet usage is downloading viruses along with his game mods. We finally put him on a separate router and installed a ferocious firewall to protect the other PC's in the house. If he destroys his PC, that's his problem.

On the other hand, my D11 is far from responsible enough to surf or play online unsupervised. She clicks on everything (popups, etc.), has no idea what porn or unsafe sites are and thinks everyone is nice and wants to be her "friend"

. She is not allowed to visit MySpace or anything other than Disney, some Science sites, Wikipedia, and the TLC site. Someone is always looking over her shoulder while she's online.

By the way, I recently had a little talk with the miss and explained that this was MY house, as was everything in it. She does NOT have the 'right' to watch her TV when she likes, skip her chores, lock her bedroom door to keep me from bugging her about her homework (that lost her a doorknob), or play her Nintendo DS when grounded just because it is 'hers'. I have zero responsiblity to provide her with Nike shoes, take her skating, let her friends come over whenever she wants, or buy coca cola and doughnuts for her. Nope. Those are priviledges that she has to EARN by doing what I require of her...namely: good grades, respectful attitude, and doing as she is told, ie: her chores. She was pretty shocked, I think.

Good.

Stormie

TheMercenary · 04-22-2007, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormieweather

Stormie

We had similar experinces. The 2 daughters are good to go and we rarely check up on either of them, and one not at all since she is off to college and we trusted her enough to get her a laptop that was all hers to do as she pleased. Now she is on her own and I trust her to make all the right decisions, she usually does. The youngest, daughter the same, we check on things every now and then and have never had any worries, so far so good. Most of what she does is stupid teen stuff, chat the same, nothing to get worried about.

The son, now that is another situation all together.

He will be 18 and out of the house by the time he is 18 1/2, but until then he will be monitored. And oh btw, when he tries to BS us about what he is doing when it is something we disapprove of, we show him copies of his email or what ever. I have their MySpace access codes as well as livejournal. Once they are out and on their own, they are on their own. Until then...

Cloud · 04-22-2007, 11:42 AM

Parenting is HARD. Being a teenager SUCKS.

One of the rudest awakenings a young parent experiences is the day when, after years of saying, "Ill never do [that] to my child,"--you do. Because it's necessary.

Let's face it: We are all at risk over the Internet, and it pays to be aware, from an early age, what things to avoid in order not to get into trouble.

Ibby · 04-22-2007, 02:57 PM

Seriously, dude, you make me sick.

Spying on ALL his email, ALL his sites, ALL his passwords even?

I'd be outta the house the day I turned 18.

TheMercenary · 04-22-2007, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

Seriously, dude, you make me sick.

Spying on ALL his email, ALL his sites, ALL his passwords even?

I'd be outta the house the day I turned 18.

You'd have been out long before that. But why don't you want your parents to know what is in your email? What is it about you that you are hiding from them? Why would you not want your parents to know what sites you visit? I mean seriously? They must trust you so that you should not be afraid of them seeing anything you do on the internet, right?

piercehawkeye45 · 04-22-2007, 04:06 PM

Merc does have a right to do that but if an authoritarian parenting style with 16+ year olds will result in many backlashes. I would personally avoid this type of parenting at this age unless it is absolutely necessary.

My parents trust me but I also have proved to be trusted, I can't say that about all my peers.

TheMercenary · 04-22-2007, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piercehawkeye45

My parents trust me but I also have proved to be trusted, I can't say that about all my peers.

Well how about that. All behavior has consequences.

piercehawkeye45 · 04-22-2007, 05:34 PM

The biggest flaw I see in your argument is that you seem to fail to see that even your behavior will result in consequences. Parenting is a two way street. Your behavior will affect their behavior which will affect yours which goes back and forth.

I am NOT telling you how to raise your kids but I have seen enough to know what MAY happen. If you have your kids on too short of a leash, they will be more likely to rebel or not know what to do when they are out of the house. If you don't have a leash the same thing will happen. My expierences have favored the middle ground for teenagers.

TheMercenary · 04-22-2007, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piercehawkeye45

The biggest flaw I see in your argument is that you seem to fail to see that even your behavior will result in consequences. Parenting is a two way street. Your behavior will affect their behavior which will affect yours which goes back and forth.

I am NOT telling you how to raise your kids but I have seen enough to know what MAY happen. If you have your kids on too short of a leash, they will be more likely to rebel or not know what to do when they are out of the house. If you don't have a leash the same thing will happen. My expierences have favored the middle ground for teenagers.

Well the mistake in your argument is that you don't understand that the I am trying to have consequence in their behavior. That is what parenting is all about.

The second mistake is that you have no idea what kind of "leash" we have our kids on. There has never been a discussion to date of anything outside of internet monitoring. Again, you like most of the people on here imagine something else.

piercehawkeye45 · 04-22-2007, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

Well the mistake in your argument is that you don't understand that the I am trying to have consequence in their behavior. That is what parenting is all about.

The second mistake is that you have no idea what kind of "leash" we have our kids on. There has never been a discussion to date of anything outside of internet monitoring. Again, you like most of the people on here imagine something else.

I wasn't trying to accuse of anything but that is what I got from your posts. You attacked Ibram without knowing anything about him so of course I will think that it seems you only see a one way street. I am sorry if I was wrong but that is how you came off whether my assumption was wrong or right.

TheMercenary · 04-22-2007, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piercehawkeye45

I wasn't trying to accuse of anything but that is what I got from your posts. You attacked Ibram without knowing anything about him so of course I will think that it seems you only see a one way street. I am sorry if I was wrong but that is how you came off whether my assumption was wrong or right.

I think he made the same mistake. The subject has never veered from Kids and the Internet. How I have raised my kids is not the issue. Somehow the subject, as most in any thread morphed. It morphed to parenting and the role and responsibilities of the parent, with kids and the internet. How I have raised the kids has never once come up in any of these discussions except in the context of the internet. Assumptions have been made, most likely by myself as well. I should not have done so.

TheMercenary · 04-22-2007, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piercehawkeye45

If you don't have a leash the same thing will happen. My expierences have favored the middle ground for teenagers.

Right. My wife's father use to call this the box theory. Good behavior, larger box. Poor behavior, smaller box. It actually works very well, rewarding good behavior, and punishing bad behavior. Pretty simple actually.

duck_duck · 04-22-2007, 06:46 PM

I say parents should be kept on a tight leash. You never know when mom or dad will act up or wonder off in the market.

TheMercenary · 04-22-2007, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duck_duck

I say parents should be kept on a tight leash. You never know when mom or dad will act up or wonder off in the market.

Funny you would say that. We had to put my mother, now 87 or something like that, in an assisted living home. Like kids, she is back on the leash.

birth, SEX, death. So the cycle goes.

SadistSecret · 04-22-2007, 08:54 PM

I still don't see an end to this. Lemme know when Merc decides to grow up.

04-22-2007, 10:19 AM	#1
Stormieweather Wearing her bitch boots Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Floriduh Posts: 1,181	Personally, I think the level of monitoring should depend on the age as well as the level of responsibility the child demonstrates in other areas. You can teach them, but have that proved that they've learned those lessons? For example, my S18 (nearly 19) has had unsupervised use of the internet for 3 years now. But he is exceptionally responsible in that he doesn't smoke, drink, use drugs, break curfew or otherwise disrespect me. The only issue we've had with his internet usage is downloading viruses along with his game mods. We finally put him on a separate router and installed a ferocious firewall to protect the other PC's in the house. If he destroys his PC, that's his problem. On the other hand, my D11 is far from responsible enough to surf or play online unsupervised. She clicks on everything (popups, etc.), has no idea what porn or unsafe sites are and thinks everyone is nice and wants to be her "friend" . She is not allowed to visit MySpace or anything other than Disney, some Science sites, Wikipedia, and the TLC site. Someone is always looking over her shoulder while she's online. By the way, I recently had a little talk with the miss and explained that this was MY house, as was everything in it. She does NOT have the 'right' to watch her TV when she likes, skip her chores, lock her bedroom door to keep me from bugging her about her homework (that lost her a doorknob), or play her Nintendo DS when grounded just because it is 'hers'. I have zero responsiblity to provide her with Nike shoes, take her skating, let her friends come over whenever she wants, or buy coca cola and doughnuts for her. Nope. Those are priviledges that she has to EARN by doing what I require of her...namely: good grades, respectful attitude, and doing as she is told, ie: her chores. She was pretty shocked, I think. Good. Stormie __________________ "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi

04-22-2007, 11:42 AM	#3
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	Parenting is HARD. Being a teenager SUCKS. One of the rudest awakenings a young parent experiences is the day when, after years of saying, "Ill never do [that] to my child,"--you do. Because it's necessary. Let's face it: We are all at risk over the Internet, and it pays to be aware, from an early age, what things to avoid in order not to get into trouble. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-22-2007, 02:57 PM	#4
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Seriously, dude, you make me sick. Spying on ALL his email, ALL his sites, ALL his passwords even? I'd be outta the house the day I turned 18. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

04-22-2007, 08:54 PM	#15
SadistSecret Even If you choose to love me, I will always choose to fall. Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Des Moines. Posts: 139	I still don't see an end to this. Lemme know when Merc decides to grow up. __________________ "Seven Deadly Sins? I thought it was a to-do list!!

04-22-2007, 04:06 PM	#6
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Merc does have a right to do that but if an authoritarian parenting style with 16+ year olds will result in many backlashes. I would personally avoid this type of parenting at this age unless it is absolutely necessary. My parents trust me but I also have proved to be trusted, I can't say that about all my peers.

04-22-2007, 05:34 PM	#8
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	The biggest flaw I see in your argument is that you seem to fail to see that even your behavior will result in consequences. Parenting is a two way street. Your behavior will affect their behavior which will affect yours which goes back and forth. I am NOT telling you how to raise your kids but I have seen enough to know what MAY happen. If you have your kids on too short of a leash, they will be more likely to rebel or not know what to do when they are out of the house. If you don't have a leash the same thing will happen. My expierences have favored the middle ground for teenagers.

04-22-2007, 06:46 PM	#13
duck_duck Soul Duck Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: over here Posts: 485	I say parents should be kept on a tight leash. You never know when mom or dad will act up or wonder off in the market.

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