Anxious - Page 2

Sheldonrs · 03-06-2007, 08:55 AM

Take a breath Fresh. It seems to me the break she is asking for is for her, not you. She has to do what feels right for her. You want her to stick with it so YOU will feel better. So why is it wrong for her to do this to make HER feel better. Maybe she will come back completely and maybe she won't. But in any case, if you can't find a way for both of you to be happy at the same time and under equal conditions, what's the point?

Hoof Hearted · 03-06-2007, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

The only reason why I allowed this, is because I made her promise that she'll come back to me and she will continue loving me through this whole "break." But it's not like she hasn't broken promises or unintentionally lied to me before.

IMO, this is a seriously unrealistic expectation to demand of someone. NO ONE can control how their feelings are going to run, if they change ~ they change, and it is unfair of you to make her 'promise' to come back and love you no matter what and then for you to place blame on HER about broken promises and lying.

I dated a wonderful young man immediately out of a bad break up from a verbally abusive relationship that had lasted 7 years. I really liked this guy. I thought I loved him, but as time passed, I realized I did not. It was very difficult for me to tell him this and break his heart, but I had to do it. It would have been unfair to both of us to live a lie. Him thinking I loved him, me knowing I never would.
Could I have MADE myself love him? No. It is either there, or it isn't...and it wasn't there for him.

Maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate.
Sometimes, if you give them space, they realize that isn't what they wanted after all and they will rush back in to fill the vacuum.
However, I agree with you about no one gets 'time off' in a marriage and I also feel that holds true for other relationships. If both people aren't commited to making it work, it isn't going to work. Both must devote equal amounts of time/effort to the endeavor. Otherwise, it isn't much of a relationship. It just becomes a ship with two people who each have a paddle and the ship goes no-where because they aren't paddling with a common goal or purpose.
hh

piercehawkeye45 · 03-06-2007, 08:56 AM

Does she go to U of I too?

freshnesschronic · 03-06-2007, 10:06 AM

No, she's a senior in high school.

piercehawkeye45 · 03-06-2007, 02:13 PM

I can't see how pressuring her to stay with you right now will help either of you, especially with the distance. Let her get her life together and help her if she wants you too. You probably should also work on yours as well.

Trilby · 03-06-2007, 04:12 PM

i have a lot to say. Out of respect for pain and suffering, I won't say it. but, I AM rootin for you, fresh. but maybe....just maybe....this is not the ONE, eh?

Perry Winkle · 03-06-2007, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

I AM rootin for you, fresh. but maybe....just maybe....this is not the ONE, eh?

Or maybe, just not the one for right now? Timing plays a big part in things like these...(so says me, the relationship retard)

freshnesschronic · 03-06-2007, 05:10 PM

Please say it. I feel like I don't deserve this at all. I'm such a committed boyfriend and I've told her numerous times I want her to confide in me and I'll always be there and I want to stay with her forever. Explain this mess cause it makes no sense.

WabUfvot5 · 03-06-2007, 09:55 PM

I'll be blunt. You probably bore the hell out of her. You're whipped. Unexciting. Predictable. You're giving her that instant eww by being so clingy. You're doing everything you can to make it be known that you either don't want or can't get anybody else.

She's actually telling you to lean back. That's a good sign. She could have just flat out dumped you. Take the hint and cast off the dog collar.

Aliantha · 03-07-2007, 12:34 AM

A while ago, just before my wedding, there was incredible stress piling up around me, and not just to do with the wedding. There were work hassles, kid hassles, ex hassles as well as moving house and trying to sell a house and having some major issues with my brother. This just about brought about a nervous breakdown for me and the doctor told me I had to get rid of some of the stressors in my life.

Fortunately for me, I was able to take a leave of absense from work which helped me no end, and I haven't gone back full time even as yet.

I was lucky to have that luxury because my now husband is quite able to support our family financially so me not being at work wasn't a huge issue for us.

Some people don't have those sorts of luxury. Maybe her needing a break is the only thing she can realisticly 'drop' for a while. Maybe she'll come back to you, maybe she wont, but realisticly, you need to consider the fact that maybe this isn't the right relationship for you now.

That's my two cents worth.

freshnesschronic · 03-07-2007, 05:35 PM

Yes it's selfish for me but it's also selfish for her. I just feel so insecure. 2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life. Now, it's uncertainty, emptiness. I just feel blank. She found out I did pot and she got angry and IM'd me last nite but I was studying for a calc test that I failed today.

Everything still sucks.

piercehawkeye45 · 03-07-2007, 05:58 PM

Hopefully it gets better for you. Last year was my hard time. I had some depression problems and no one to turn too. Its rough but you will feel a lot better about yourself when you get through this.

Dagney · 03-07-2007, 08:53 PM

No relationship with anyone else is going to work out until you accept yourself completely for who you are.

"2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life."

You need to realize that there is a lot more to life than having a significant other - yes, it is something that enhances life, but it doesn't 'make' life.

Been there, done that, bought the Teeshirt.

freshnesschronic · 03-11-2007, 02:31 PM

Well, we broke up. Specifically I broke up with her.
During the fourth day of our break I IM'd her and we got to fighting (obviously) about the break and blah blah it evolved into me saying "don't you want to commit to me?" and she answering "no, I don't think I'm ready."

That's more than enough information for me. A relationship is about commitment to your partner. She couldn't give it to me. As much as I love her and want to be with her I can't keep this relationship going with a pseudo-girlfriend. I had to break up.

But in actuality, we broke up on very good terms. She was happy that I had become independent enough to break up with her. Yeah, I'm kinda dependent on her and clingy and she didn't want that. I guess that's the reason why we went on this break. And after that, WE WERE SO HAPPY! Like, we started chatting like it was October 2005 (the time period when we started to develop feelings for each other as friends). It was great, the rest of the nite and all of yesterday. We've defined ourselves as best friends

. With benefits...

We had agreed that we are very young (18 & 19) and we kinda rushed the feeling of love, but we eventually DID find true love in each other. And I left the door WIDE open for her to come back, I told her "if you just commit to me, we can get back together" because that's all I want from her. That's what I secretly want.
But anyway....yesterday nite as I was debating to out to a club and dancing with other girls she told me I should go. We started playing around like me saying "what if I danced with a girl, or made out or had SEX!?" and she was like "well, good for you you're having fun, as long as you don't give me STDs." And I'm like

What?! Then the conversation got more serious. She then started telling me I should stop waiting for her. Like I was gonna stay at home last nite and talk to her but she wanted me to go out and have fun. "Start living your life, there's no guarantee I'll be in it in the future." I was schocked. She said "do what YOU want." And I told her to guess what I wanted...And she guessed right...I just wanted her.
Then I left for the nite, didn't go to the club but decided to do some green with friends in their dorm. I was sad that I really was waiting for her, and she could tell and told me not to.

Then today when she IMs me she asked what I did and I said "I don't think you want to know." She then gets angry and I'm like "well you said I don't have to be bounded to you anymore." And she goes "you can still tell me though!" So I told her. And now, she's really angry. But what does she want. We're not together, I'm living my life, doing what I WANT to do. And still she'll get mad at me, and that's the last thing I want is us as best friends to be unhappy with each other.

I can't tell what she wants anymore. Ideas? Sorry for having such a long fucking post too.

limey · 03-11-2007, 02:41 PM

No, no you haven't broken up with her - that happens when either you don't want her any more, or you do but you know you can't have her any more. It seems you pretended to her that you've broken off with her, and not very well at that.
I was wondering about your ages and you have told us, 18 and 19. That is very young to commit for life to one person (and GOD how I hated being told that at that age

!).
I really really feel for you Fresh, but having watched this thread from the start, I'd say that this is not the ONE for you ...
[hugs]

03-06-2007, 08:55 AM	#1
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	Take a breath Fresh. It seems to me the break she is asking for is for her, not you. She has to do what feels right for her. You want her to stick with it so YOU will feel better. So why is it wrong for her to do this to make HER feel better. Maybe she will come back completely and maybe she won't. But in any case, if you can't find a way for both of you to be happy at the same time and under equal conditions, what's the point? __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

03-06-2007, 04:12 PM	#6
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	i have a lot to say. Out of respect for pain and suffering, I won't say it. but, I AM rootin for you, fresh. but maybe....just maybe....this is not the ONE, eh? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

03-07-2007, 12:34 AM	#10
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	A while ago, just before my wedding, there was incredible stress piling up around me, and not just to do with the wedding. There were work hassles, kid hassles, ex hassles as well as moving house and trying to sell a house and having some major issues with my brother. This just about brought about a nervous breakdown for me and the doctor told me I had to get rid of some of the stressors in my life. Fortunately for me, I was able to take a leave of absense from work which helped me no end, and I haven't gone back full time even as yet. I was lucky to have that luxury because my now husband is quite able to support our family financially so me not being at work wasn't a huge issue for us. Some people don't have those sorts of luxury. Maybe her needing a break is the only thing she can realisticly 'drop' for a while. Maybe she'll come back to you, maybe she wont, but realisticly, you need to consider the fact that maybe this isn't the right relationship for you now. That's my two cents worth. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-07-2007, 08:53 PM	#13
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	No relationship with anyone else is going to work out until you accept yourself completely for who you are. "2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life." You need to realize that there is a lot more to life than having a significant other - yes, it is something that enhances life, but it doesn't 'make' life. Been there, done that, bought the Teeshirt. __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

03-11-2007, 02:31 PM	#14
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Update Again Well, we broke up. Specifically I broke up with her. During the fourth day of our break I IM'd her and we got to fighting (obviously) about the break and blah blah it evolved into me saying "don't you want to commit to me?" and she answering "no, I don't think I'm ready." That's more than enough information for me. A relationship is about commitment to your partner. She couldn't give it to me. As much as I love her and want to be with her I can't keep this relationship going with a pseudo-girlfriend. I had to break up. But in actuality, we broke up on very good terms. She was happy that I had become independent enough to break up with her. Yeah, I'm kinda dependent on her and clingy and she didn't want that. I guess that's the reason why we went on this break. And after that, WE WERE SO HAPPY! Like, we started chatting like it was October 2005 (the time period when we started to develop feelings for each other as friends). It was great, the rest of the nite and all of yesterday. We've defined ourselves as best friends . With benefits... We had agreed that we are very young (18 & 19) and we kinda rushed the feeling of love, but we eventually DID find true love in each other. And I left the door WIDE open for her to come back, I told her "if you just commit to me, we can get back together" because that's all I want from her. That's what I secretly want. But anyway....yesterday nite as I was debating to out to a club and dancing with other girls she told me I should go. We started playing around like me saying "what if I danced with a girl, or made out or had SEX!?" and she was like "well, good for you you're having fun, as long as you don't give me STDs." And I'm like What?! Then the conversation got more serious. She then started telling me I should stop waiting for her. Like I was gonna stay at home last nite and talk to her but she wanted me to go out and have fun. "Start living your life, there's no guarantee I'll be in it in the future." I was schocked. She said "do what YOU want." And I told her to guess what I wanted...And she guessed right...I just wanted her. Then I left for the nite, didn't go to the club but decided to do some green with friends in their dorm. I was sad that I really was waiting for her, and she could tell and told me not to. Then today when she IMs me she asked what I did and I said "I don't think you want to know." She then gets angry and I'm like "well you said I don't have to be bounded to you anymore." And she goes "you can still tell me though!" So I told her. And now, she's really angry. But what does she want. We're not together, I'm living my life, doing what I WANT to do. And still she'll get mad at me, and that's the last thing I want is us as best friends to be unhappy with each other. I can't tell what she wants anymore. Ideas? Sorry for having such a long fucking post too.

03-06-2007, 08:56 AM	#3
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Does she go to U of I too?

03-06-2007, 10:06 AM	#4
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	No, she's a senior in high school.

03-06-2007, 02:13 PM	#5
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	I can't see how pressuring her to stay with you right now will help either of you, especially with the distance. Let her get her life together and help her if she wants you too. You probably should also work on yours as well.

03-06-2007, 05:10 PM	#8
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Please say it. I feel like I don't deserve this at all. I'm such a committed boyfriend and I've told her numerous times I want her to confide in me and I'll always be there and I want to stay with her forever. Explain this mess cause it makes no sense.

03-06-2007, 09:55 PM	#9
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	I'll be blunt. You probably bore the hell out of her. You're whipped. Unexciting. Predictable. You're giving her that instant eww by being so clingy. You're doing everything you can to make it be known that you either don't want or can't get anybody else. She's actually telling you to lean back. That's a good sign. She could have just flat out dumped you. Take the hint and cast off the dog collar.

03-07-2007, 05:35 PM	#11
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Yes it's selfish for me but it's also selfish for her. I just feel so insecure. 2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life. Now, it's uncertainty, emptiness. I just feel blank. She found out I did pot and she got angry and IM'd me last nite but I was studying for a calc test that I failed today. Everything still sucks.

03-07-2007, 05:58 PM	#12
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Hopefully it gets better for you. Last year was my hard time. I had some depression problems and no one to turn too. Its rough but you will feel a lot better about yourself when you get through this.

03-11-2007, 02:41 PM	#15
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	No, no you haven't broken up with her - that happens when either you don't want her any more, or you do but you know you can't have her any more. It seems you pretended to her that you've broken off with her, and not very well at that. I was wondering about your ages and you have told us, 18 and 19. That is very young to commit for life to one person (and GOD how I hated being told that at that age !). I really really feel for you Fresh, but having watched this thread from the start, I'd say that this is not the ONE for you ... [hugs] __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)