Why Can't Men Say the Things We Women Need to Hear? - Page 5

xoxoxoBruce · 07-06-2006, 04:23 AM

Now, if only we could get the terrorists to listen to us.

yesman065 · 07-05-2006, 08:18 AM

Well I must say MsSparkie you said:
I wanted to be cherished and adored.
I wanted to feel his strength and masculinity.
I wanted a great lover who loves to please me.
I wanted to feel respected.
I wanted to be gathered up in his strong arms.
I wanted him to tell me what he's feeling. When he did - Did you listen Did you actually hear what he said or did you infer and assume what you thought he said? More so did you hear just the parts that you wanted to hear and miss the rest of what he said?
I wanted him to feel like I'm the best thing in his life. How did you know what he was or wasn't feeling???? Perhaps he felt this way and you totally misconstrued what he said and how he said it.
I wanted him to love me with all his heart. How do you know he wasn't?

To me its more like we speak different languages at times and cannot seem to find the common ground to actually LISTEN to what we each are saying. Men tend to be rather blunt and more direct than women - very literal in their communication. Women, on the other hand, tend to be very VERY vague and hint around as to what they mean assuming their man is going to pick up on what they really mean without the woman actually saying it. This difference in communication is, to me, the root cause of more fights, arguments, frustrations and eventually break-ups than anything else. It always comes out to "He doesn't understand me" or "He doesn't listen to me." I think the best advice I was ever given was for all of us to actually say what you are thinking and don't assume your partner is a mind reader.
Men are typically very simple beings. Much more like dogs than cats - in that we are loyal to a fault, yet when harassed - - - -bite deep.

MsSparkie · 07-05-2006, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yesman065

....
I wanted him to tell me what he's feeling.[/b] When he did - Did you listen Did you actually hear what he said or did you infer and assume what you thought he said? More so did you hear just the parts that you wanted to hear and miss the rest of what he said?
I wanted him to feel like I'm the best thing in his life. How did you know what he was or wasn't feeling???? Perhaps he felt this way and you totally misconstrued what he said and how he said it.
I wanted him to love me with all his heart. How do you know he wasn't?

He stopped talking. The silent treatment. There was no getting him to warm up after I said this relationship needs lots of work, but I want it to work.

He just froze into an iceman.

There is he alone, pleased with his strength.

It's a good thing it didn't go ahead, really. It would not have lasted. The slightest infraction on my part and I would be shot down hard and ignored. He enjoyed my begging but it just made me angrier that nothing could reach him.

So I stopped.

He told me not to take it personally once....he is aloof with everyone, he said. Aloof is a gross understatement.

But he is capable of sweet loving charm....but seems only for one short burst.

He used to be a repo man, payday loan officer.....never had a loan go bad except one lady who didn't pay him $500 about 10 years ago....it still made him mad. He couldn't let go.

Let's just say he isn't easy to get along with.....

But he is big and strong and brave......and....so masculine.

Too bad you can't have have that with a sweet kind heart.

Where is Golden????????? How are you doing dear?

Don't let me hog your thread....

07-29-2006, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yesman065

...
To me its more like we speak different languages at times and cannot seem to find the common ground to actually LISTEN to what we each are saying. Men tend to be rather blunt and more direct than women - very literal in their communication. Women, on the other hand, tend to be very VERY vague and hint around as to what they mean assuming their man is going to pick up on what they really mean without the woman actually saying it. This difference in communication is, to me, the root cause of more fights, arguments, frustrations and eventually break-ups than anything else. It always comes out to "He doesn't understand me" or "He doesn't listen to me." I think the best advice I was ever given was for all of us to actually say what you are thinking and don't assume your partner is a mind reader.
Men are typically very simple beings. Much more like dogs than cats - in that we are loyal to a fault, yet when harassed - - - -bite deep.

Man! You hit it right there... I can't "listen" to something she never said!!!

Ibby · 07-05-2006, 08:39 AM

One thing I notice about that list... You want to feel his masculinity, but yet that masculinity is part of the problem, if I'm not mistaken. Part of masculinity is that dumb, selfishly idiotic self-righteousness and stubbournness.

Pangloss62 · 07-05-2006, 03:19 PM

Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket!

This string makes me sooooooo glad I'm single. Men, women, they each become really petty and insecure when they stay together to long. I'd rather be alone, really. When I look at that ever-growing "Self Help" section at the book store, or read strings like this one, I have to laugh. And to think it all started with some box vs. envelopes conflict.

skysidhe · 07-27-2006, 12:51 PM

lol bruce

Well, For me it isn't what I want to hear it is what I don't want to hear.

I don't want to be put down or played games with. I don't want to hear disfunctional need . I like the up front approach. I don't want to be made to feel anything just accepted for who I am as much as I accept another for who they are.

I don't really believe in romantic love. I believe a person can be romanced but it is part of an expression but it's not actually reality. To be taken some place out of oneself for a short amount of time is a very good thing. It's bonding but the illusion is not suppose to last. Then it's business as usual. I do think men get mixed messages at times. I've never asked a guy to be a 'manly romantic' Only that they are straight thinkers basically.

BlacKat1980 · 09-18-2006, 05:27 AM

I'm in a VERY happy, loving relationship (1 year/one small argument) and don't think that all men are arseholes or anything such. I do know that some men as well as some women can be nasty, it works both ways, not just one. I'm sure that if you are truly happy, then you are truly happy. There's no "He/she treats me llike shit but I still love him/her" Either you're happy and respectful of each other or you're not suited.

On the funny side, my sister sent me this the other day (sounds just like her too!

):

World's Shortest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased... did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself. She watched chick flicks, never football, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, and burped, swore, and farted all the time.

THE END

yesman065 · 08-07-2006, 08:41 AM

Somehow I lost this thread. I'm an admitted idiot. Then again i'm only a guy. o me it seems that the longer you know a woman the more the expect you to "hear things that weren't said". I have a very good memory and we "discuss" this often. We both end up laughing about it, but its still something to watch. I love her very much and listen to her every word - intently. She knows that and sometimes treies to sli an "oh I forgot by me" BUZZZZZZZ Wrong answer!! that bird won't fly. I think its cause her men in the past were insensitive and didn't hear her. She's learning thats not the case with me. Its an evolving thing.

MsSparkie · 08-07-2006, 10:24 PM

Listen, but also comprehend....

xoxoxoBruce · 08-08-2006, 07:47 AM

Comprehension isn't a problem if you don't beat around the bush.

yesman065 · 08-08-2006, 12:51 PM

Men don't have the bush to beat around - maybe thats why we are so much more direct than our female counterparts.

MsSparkie · 08-08-2006, 08:41 PM

You guys tend to beat around our bush.....

08-14-2006, 01:27 AM

I like how none of the ladies chimed in on the "can't listen to something never said" theme that was running there for a bit... ironic that.

Just got in the doghouse for a bit by saying "is this one of those things I was supposed to just know?" the other day... later she joked that I was correct.

yesman065 · 08-14-2006, 07:10 AM

Ain't that the truth! I called my girl on a couple over the weekend and she finally admitted that she hadn't "really said" what she meant and the argument just died. We are being almost anal about making sure there are no unspoken issues that could cause problems later on and it seems to working magnificently.

07-06-2006, 04:23 AM	#1
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Now, if only we could get the terrorists to listen to us. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-05-2006, 08:39 AM	#5
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	One thing I notice about that list... You want to feel his masculinity, but yet that masculinity is part of the problem, if I'm not mistaken. Part of masculinity is that dumb, selfishly idiotic self-righteousness and stubbournness. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-05-2006, 03:19 PM	#6
Pangloss62 Lecturer Join Date: May 2006 Location: Atlanta Posts: 768	Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket! This string makes me sooooooo glad I'm single. Men, women, they each become really petty and insecure when they stay together to long. I'd rather be alone, really. When I look at that ever-growing "Self Help" section at the book store, or read strings like this one, I have to laugh. And to think it all started with some box vs. envelopes conflict. __________________ Things are never as good, or bad, as they seem.

09-18-2006, 05:27 AM	#8
BlacKat1980 You did what!!? Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Northern Victoria, Australia Posts: 28	I'm in a VERY happy, loving relationship (1 year/one small argument) and don't think that all men are arseholes or anything such. I do know that some men as well as some women can be nasty, it works both ways, not just one. I'm sure that if you are truly happy, then you are truly happy. There's no "He/she treats me llike shit but I still love him/her" Either you're happy and respectful of each other or you're not suited. On the funny side, my sister sent me this the other day (sounds just like her too! ): World's Shortest Fairytale Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased... did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself. She watched chick flicks, never football, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, and burped, swore, and farted all the time. THE END __________________ *NO REGRETS!! :p*

08-07-2006, 10:24 PM	#10
MsSparkie Curious Sagittarius Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 302	Listen, but also comprehend.... Attached Images __________________ ~There is a forest in an acorn......

07-05-2006, 08:18 AM	#2
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Well I must say MsSparkie you said: I wanted to be cherished and adored. I wanted to feel his strength and masculinity. I wanted a great lover who loves to please me. I wanted to feel respected. I wanted to be gathered up in his strong arms. I wanted him to tell me what he's feeling. When he did - Did you listen Did you actually hear what he said or did you infer and assume what you thought he said? More so did you hear just the parts that you wanted to hear and miss the rest of what he said? I wanted him to feel like I'm the best thing in his life. How did you know what he was or wasn't feeling???? Perhaps he felt this way and you totally misconstrued what he said and how he said it. I wanted him to love me with all his heart. How do you know he wasn't? To me its more like we speak different languages at times and cannot seem to find the common ground to actually LISTEN to what we each are saying. Men tend to be rather blunt and more direct than women - very literal in their communication. Women, on the other hand, tend to be very VERY vague and hint around as to what they mean assuming their man is going to pick up on what they really mean without the woman actually saying it. This difference in communication is, to me, the root cause of more fights, arguments, frustrations and eventually break-ups than anything else. It always comes out to "He doesn't understand me" or "He doesn't listen to me." I think the best advice I was ever given was for all of us to actually say what you are thinking and don't assume your partner is a mind reader. Men are typically very simple beings. Much more like dogs than cats - in that we are loyal to a fault, yet when harassed - - - -bite deep.

07-27-2006, 12:51 PM	#7
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	lol bruce Well, For me it isn't what I want to hear it is what I don't want to hear. I don't want to be put down or played games with. I don't want to hear disfunctional need . I like the up front approach. I don't want to be made to feel anything just accepted for who I am as much as I accept another for who they are. I don't really believe in romantic love. I believe a person can be romanced but it is part of an expression but it's not actually reality. To be taken some place out of oneself for a short amount of time is a very good thing. It's bonding but the illusion is not suppose to last. Then it's business as usual. I do think men get mixed messages at times. I've never asked a guy to be a 'manly romantic' Only that they are straight thinkers basically.

08-07-2006, 08:41 AM	#9
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Somehow I lost this thread. I'm an admitted idiot. Then again i'm only a guy. o me it seems that the longer you know a woman the more the expect you to "hear things that weren't said". I have a very good memory and we "discuss" this often. We both end up laughing about it, but its still something to watch. I love her very much and listen to her every word - intently. She knows that and sometimes treies to sli an "oh I forgot by me" BUZZZZZZZ Wrong answer!! that bird won't fly. I think its cause her men in the past were insensitive and didn't hear her. She's learning thats not the case with me. Its an evolving thing.

08-08-2006, 07:47 AM	#11
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Comprehension isn't a problem if you don't beat around the bush. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

08-08-2006, 12:51 PM	#12
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Men don't have the bush to beat around - maybe thats why we are so much more direct than our female counterparts.

08-08-2006, 08:41 PM	#13
MsSparkie Curious Sagittarius Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 302	You guys tend to beat around our bush..... __________________ ~There is a forest in an acorn......

08-14-2006, 01:27 AM	#14
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	I like how none of the ladies chimed in on the "can't listen to something never said" theme that was running there for a bit... ironic that. Just got in the doghouse for a bit by saying "is this one of those things I was supposed to just know?" the other day... later she joked that I was correct.

08-14-2006, 07:10 AM	#15
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Ain't that the truth! I called my girl on a couple over the weekend and she finally admitted that she hadn't "really said" what she meant and the argument just died. We are being almost anal about making sure there are no unspoken issues that could cause problems later on and it seems to working magnificently.

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