Lies Your Mother (and/or Father) Told You ...

wolf · 03-24-2006, 02:52 PM

You know what I mean ... family or folk stories that your parents told you with perfectly straight faces to explain something to you or to keep you from engaging in some sort of bad behavior. We'll take Santa and the Easter Bunny as givens, and in fact they've been discussed else where.

I mean stuff like this:

Thunder results from God and the Angels having bowling league night in Heaven.

Potatoes will grow in (or behind) your ears if you don't clean them.

If you swallow a watermelon seed it will grow inside your stomach.

You know, that sort of thing.

Got any good ones?

SteveDallas · 03-24-2006, 02:58 PM

They told me if I ate my vegetables and studied hard I could do anything I wanted when I grew up.

thrillhouse · 03-24-2006, 02:58 PM

those are all lies? shit *immediately calls therapist*

Trilby · 03-24-2006, 03:15 PM

Eating the crusts of my bread would make my hair curly. If you cross your eyes they'll be stuck that way, wearing your shirt inside-out will make it rain, and, the biggie: my mom always telling us three girls that she had a recipe for Little Girl Soup, so we'd better shape up! My mother also used to warn us: "When your father gets home you are going to get the devil!" And, honey, we always DID.

Elspode · 03-24-2006, 03:41 PM

My father was so completely full of shit, I can't recall all the things he told me that were outrageous, yet he swore to their truth.

SteveDallas · 03-24-2006, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elspode

My father was so completely full of shit, I can't recall all the things he told me that were outrageous, yet he swore to their truth.

I expect this is exactly what my children will say if asked the same question in about 20 years.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-24-2006, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Potatoes will grow in (or behind) your ears if you don't clean them.

I think of this often, and mention it, when I see people at work wearing green foam ear plugs.

My mother told me our family was normal.

monster · 03-25-2006, 02:03 PM

Someone once mentioned that their parents told them that the ice cream van played music to let you know that it had sold out of ice cream so you wouldn't waste time flagging it down. So when our (little) kids asked why that van was playing music, we couldn't resist (could barely keep straight faces either)..... a couple of years later middle son pipes up "look they just got ice cream from that van, they mustn't know the music means it hasn't got any!"

Never thought they'd believe us. Now they're just really unsure about the whole thing. We are bad, bad parents.

Trilby · 03-25-2006, 02:11 PM

Not to worry, monster. When my son was very young he pointed to an electricity pole and asked his father what is was. Dad told him, "It's an electric tree!"

Undertoad · 03-25-2006, 09:39 PM

Jacquelita said she told a few precious ones to her kids.

- If you fart really hard it will blow out the seams in your pants.

- The fog on the car windows is caused by bad breath.

She says the kids still get confused about the car window fog.

Griff · 03-26-2006, 07:51 AM

I keep my lies in the realms of politics and religion, of course they're the same ones I tell myself.

fargon · 03-26-2006, 08:30 AM

I was told that I was found under a rock on the beach.

If I beat off, I will go blind.

If you get up after bed time the monster under your bed willl get you.

Savay · 04-23-2006, 02:15 PM

That I won't always be annoyed with my younger brother.

That most siblings get along.

Cheyenne · 04-23-2006, 05:35 PM

told to boys: "that will make you go blind"

what a lie, if it were true all men would be blind!

capnhowdy · 04-23-2006, 06:27 PM

Swallow your gum and your insides stick together.

Let the scab come off your vaccination and you get smallpox.

Drinking coffee while you are a kid will make you turn black.

03-24-2006, 02:52 PM	#1
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Lies Your Mother (and/or Father) Told You ... You know what I mean ... family or folk stories that your parents told you with perfectly straight faces to explain something to you or to keep you from engaging in some sort of bad behavior. We'll take Santa and the Easter Bunny as givens, and in fact they've been discussed else where. I mean stuff like this: Thunder results from God and the Angels having bowling league night in Heaven. Potatoes will grow in (or behind) your ears if you don't clean them. If you swallow a watermelon seed it will grow inside your stomach. You know, that sort of thing. Got any good ones? __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

03-24-2006, 02:58 PM	#3
thrillhouse spoonful of bologna Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: salvation holdout central Posts: 333	those are all lies? shit immediately calls therapist __________________ i'm drinking stars

03-24-2006, 03:15 PM	#4
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Eating the crusts of my bread would make my hair curly. If you cross your eyes they'll be stuck that way, wearing your shirt inside-out will make it rain, and, the biggie: my mom always telling us three girls that she had a recipe for Little Girl Soup, so we'd better shape up! My mother also used to warn us: "When your father gets home you are going to get the devil!" And, honey, we always DID. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

03-24-2006, 03:41 PM	#5
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	My father was so completely full of shit, I can't recall all the things he told me that were outrageous, yet he swore to their truth. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

03-25-2006, 02:03 PM	#8
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Someone once mentioned that their parents told them that the ice cream van played music to let you know that it had sold out of ice cream so you wouldn't waste time flagging it down. So when our (little) kids asked why that van was playing music, we couldn't resist (could barely keep straight faces either)..... a couple of years later middle son pipes up "look they just got ice cream from that van, they mustn't know the music means it hasn't got any!" Never thought they'd believe us. Now they're just really unsure about the whole thing. We are bad, bad parents. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

03-24-2006, 02:58 PM	#2
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	They told me if I ate my vegetables and studied hard I could do anything I wanted when I grew up.

03-25-2006, 02:11 PM	#9
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Not to worry, monster. When my son was very young he pointed to an electricity pole and asked his father what is was. Dad told him, "It's an electric tree!" __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

03-25-2006, 09:39 PM	#10
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Jacquelita said she told a few precious ones to her kids. - If you fart really hard it will blow out the seams in your pants. - The fog on the car windows is caused by bad breath. She says the kids still get confused about the car window fog.

03-26-2006, 07:51 AM	#11
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	I keep my lies in the realms of politics and religion, of course they're the same ones I tell myself. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

03-26-2006, 08:30 AM	#12
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	I was told that I was found under a rock on the beach. If I beat off, I will go blind. If you get up after bed time the monster under your bed willl get you. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

04-23-2006, 02:15 PM	#13
Savay Fellow-Commoner Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 10	That I won't always be annoyed with my younger brother. That most siblings get along. __________________ "Time for time together, and depending on the weather, we'll either argue in your house or outside."~ "Greener" by Tally Hall

04-23-2006, 05:35 PM	#14
Cheyenne Operations Operative Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: http://www.kevinlahey.com/mt.html Posts: 616	told to boys: "that will make you go blind" what a lie, if it were true all men would be blind! __________________ ~What Flows From Your Fingertips Is A Reflection Of Your Heart~~ Chey~~

04-23-2006, 06:27 PM	#15
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Swallow your gum and your insides stick together. Let the scab come off your vaccination and you get smallpox. Drinking coffee while you are a kid will make you turn black. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

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