In Poor Taste, But That's How I Am...

[Elspode]

Reuters - Iraqi soldiers today stood guard in front of what is being billed as the world's largest waffle iron in preparation for Saddam Hussein's anticipated attempt at The Guinness Book of World Records' "Largest Waffle Ever Created" category.

"Normally," said Guiness' Ian McBlotto, "we don't see such a large military contingent associated with a record attempt, but then the Iraqi people are starving, and things could get ugly."

American officials are puzzled as to exactly how the raw materials required to make the nearly 250' diameter waffle could have been obtained in light of the decade-long series of sanctions against the Iraqi government.

"Our intelligence tells us that it would require over 25,000 pounds of flour, 250 pounds of baking powder and nearly 10,000 eggs to make such a waffle, and when we find out who provided those items to the Hussein dictatorship, you may rest assured that they will be dealt with most harshly."

Other intelligence reports stated that a tanker off the coast of Iraq had recently been stopped and searched by the United States Navy, but that it was released when no oil or weapons were found to be on board. However, some unnamed sources report that the tanker did in fact contain several thousand gallons of maple syrup, but no one made the connection to the giant waffle at that time.

Other reports of a caravan of 250 refrigerated semi trucks enroute to Bagdhad and containing butter were unsubstantiated, according to Secretary of State Colin Powell.