Slothfulness

[elSicomoro]

I'm incredibly lazy. I used to not be that way, but it seems to have gotten worse in the past 3 years...probably since I left St. Louis.

There are a lot of times when I just don't feel like doing anything. I just feel like laying around watching TV or playing on the computer. And there are so many things I could or should be doing--cleaning the house, looking for a permanent job, walking, going for a drive.

I think part of it is that I live too much for the moment and don't give too much of a look to the future these days. And that's not cool. I'm going to be 27 in October, I don't have a permanent job, no health insurance, no savings, a ton of debt, and a fiance who will probably need a new kidney in the next 5 years.

There ARE things I want to do--buy my first new car, buy a new computer, pay down my debt more than I do now, and above all...find a job that pays well and gives me great satisfaction.

When it comes to the job front, I think that I'm one of those folks who have "lost their way." I've bounced through 2 permanent jobs, and 4 temporary assignments in the 21 months we've lived in Philadelphia. In the year I lived in DC, I had one job. In the 23 years I lived in St. Louis, I had 7 jobs--3 of them lasted over a year, one of them for 4 1/2 years. The only reason I officially left my last job after 2 1/2 years was because I moved to DC.

I keep telling myself that I'm going to sit down and really figure out what it is that I want to do in a job. But then I put it off for whatever reason. But I was thinking earlier this week...in the last 21 months, I've been unemployed a total of 129 days. That's over 4 months...and that is just RIDICULOUS! I'm ashamed of it...it makes me look like a lazy bastard or a bad employee.

And that's not really the case at all. When I've quit my previous jobs, it's been generally because I am extremely unhappy with my job, have tried all possible ways to make myself happy, and have tried to resolve any issues with management to no avail. Add to this over-confidence: "Ah, I'll have a new job in no time!" And it never happens that way.

Laziness does come into play as my unemployment time drags on: I could easily call several agencies, with whom I am registered, yet I only stick with one or two, not even bothering to call anyone else. Then, I don't feel like working.

But from here on out, I vow to be more vigilant in job hunting...to be thoughtful in sending out my resume, and to not be so laissez-faire in my attitude. After all, my life DOES depend on it.