Eulogy

[Gravdigr]

...Vlets...

[BigV]

Tink's service is next Saturday. I've spent much of this weekend combing through physical photo albums, selecting pictures for a slideshow. I'm not making the slideshow, I'm just gathering material for BD who is (I'm guessing) the lead person on the slideshow. I've found a couple dozen nice pictures, some of which the kids are probably not familiar with, pictures from when they were very young, or before their time entirely.

Funny, I feel like I am straddling the divide between two worlds, photographically. I have *lots* of old pictures, ones I've taken or ones bequeathed to me, physical prints. And I have *lots and lots* of digital pictures, only a minute fraction of which have any physical presence beyond some electromagnetic apparition, nothing physically recognizable I could hold in my hand. And both sets have importance. Melding them is gonna be a Project.

[warch]

Just learning about this hard journey you and your family are enduring, V. Sending condolences and thoughts for comfort and continued strength.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Warch! Missed you muchly.

[BigV]

Thank you warch.

Like xoB, I'm glad to see you again. The service is tomorrow and I think it's gonna be hard. There's a finality to funerals and services and burials. That's partly the point, right? But I must say that I have found myself surprised by the strength of my emotional reactions to any number of otherwise completely innocuous situations. A song on the radio, a picture, a flower, a shirt, just any trigger for my memories. Some of them have been quite piercing.

BD phoned me yesterday and we talked for an hour about her mom. She wanted to know things about her mom before her time. She's putting together her own eulogy. Very very proud of her, that is a big deal. Anyhow, she sounds OK, I haven't been able to get much from my sons though. That's kinda normal, but this isn't a normal situation. Of course I'll see them tomorrow.

I've made a note to my self, get a six pack of those little packs of tissues. There will be tears.

Maybe I'll make that I twelve pack....

[BigV]

This goddamn thread makes me cry.

[Gravdigr]

Feeling for you, V.

[lumberjim]

The love you had for Tink did not just stop when the marriage died. Love is immutable. The fact that the marriage did fail and that she severed contact with you left you in an outside looking in position where closure is nearly impossible for you.

Part of these services... Maybe most of them is for the people close to the departed to close that chapter. I imagine that you have a lot of unsaid things backed up in your brain.... I reckon that's why you wanted to eulogize her.... But she didn't want that, and you have enough sense not to push it.

Would it help you to do a private you tube eulogy for her and share it with us? Would that help to give you some modicum of closure?

[BigV]

Originally Posted by BigV

Tink died today at 2:40. All our kids were there, her husband, and other close family. Very wrenching, everyone is exhausted.

I'm composing this on the phone, so I can't really expand easily. Plus, I am pretty wrung out myself. I'll post more later.

Three years today.

I'm not maudlin, not unrealistically wishing for things to be different. I am sad. I am thinking about Tink, and thinking about my kids, and thinking about how I feel about my parents who've died, and thinking about how my kids feel.

Just sad. Normal, appropriate sad.

Short conversations with my kids today, txting, like whippersnappers do. But to the extent that I can perceive their meaning and emotion, it was real. I love them, they love me, Tink loved them, they know it.

I reread this whole fucking thread, it hurt. Lots of love for me from all of you. I am *so* thankful. Thank. You.

shoutout to Clodfobble (I ain't goin back now for the quote button)... I am emotionally close to my kids and they know it. This is me takin another fucking VICTORY LAP AROUND THE SUN on that particular race. So thanks for pointing that out to me.

[Gravdigr]

[Griff]

Cheers bro.

[Glinda]

Originally Posted by BigV

Tink died today at 2:40. All our kids were there, her husband, and other close family. Very wrenching, everyone is exhausted.

I'm composing this on the phone, so I can't really expand easily. Plus, I am pretty wrung out myself. I'll post more later.

Oh man.

You and your family are in our hearts, V. Hang in there.

[Clodfobble]

My relationship with time gets looser, the older I get. So many things that feel like yesterday were two decades ago, and so many things that feel like a million years off were just three.

You're welcome for the reminder at the time, and thanks to you for the reminder now that I can sometimes help some folks feel better about some things. Haven't been super successful in that department recently--but we help each other, and it all comes back around.

[richlevy]

Originally Posted by BigV

Three years.today

I read this post a few days ago. I haven't been logging on too much the past year or two. When I read your post I went through Tinks old posts to remember her. In the end, for those of us who spent time here, our posts are our memorials. Presidents get libraries. We get a few megabytes of storage.

When I go, if the Cellar is still here, maybe my memorial page will have a link to my old posts.