The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Home Base

Home Base A starting point, and place for threads don't seem to belong anywhere else

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-16-2014, 02:42 AM   #1
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
CULTURAL DIFFERENCES EXPLAINED

AUSSIES: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
CANADIANS: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
AMERICANS: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
BRITS: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

AUSSIES: Believe you should look out for your mates.
BRITS: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
AMERICANS: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
CANADIANS: Believe that that's the government's job.

AUSSIES: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
AMERICANS: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
CANADIANS: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
BRITS: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

AMERICANS: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
CANADIANS: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
BRITS: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
AUSSIES: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

AMERICANS: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
BRITS: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
CANADIANS: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
AUSSIES: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

AMERICANS: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
BRITS: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
CANADIANS: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
AUSSIES: Add "G'day" "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

BRITS: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
AUSSIES: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
AMERICANS: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, and liquor in a backward country.
CANADIANS: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, and liquor in a backward country.

AMERICANS: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
CANADIANS: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
BRITS: Drink warm, beery-tasting p*ss.
AUSSIES: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

AMERICANS: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
CANADIANS: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
BRITS: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
AUSSIES: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2014, 02:48 AM   #2
Carruthers
Junior Master Dwellar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buckinghamshire UK
Posts: 4,059
..... and, I suspect, written by one of us frightfully nice British chaps.



Then again, perhaps not.
__________________
Carruthers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2014, 07:48 AM   #3
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carruthers View Post
..... and, I suspect, written by one of us frightfully nice British chaps.

Then again, perhaps not.
Damifino, but it came from an Aussie site.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2014, 08:02 AM   #4
Carruthers
Junior Master Dwellar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buckinghamshire UK
Posts: 4,059
Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
Damifino, but it came from an Aussie site.
That's different then.

They can take the blame/credit as applicable.
__________________
Carruthers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2014, 03:11 AM   #5
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
Ha!

Couple of minor points:

@ Jim - that's an Irish man, not an English man.

@ Bruce - we pay a tax to watch tv regardless of the number of channels (I think there are around 50 'free' channels. More can be got through subscription but they still require the licence fee to be paid.
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2014, 03:01 PM   #6
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
We used to be able to make fun of our various nationalities this side of the pond, but now we're prevented from doing so - PC and all that. But I'm sure there's some clause somewhere about it being OK to re-circulate jokes that were in existence before the law came into effect, you know, a bit like you can still buy and sell old ivory pre 1947 or something, and a few other things of a similar nature. Anyway, I'm going to take a chance. Found these at the bottom of a box that has done nothing but pass from one attic to another untouched until now, as we moved houses over the years. If you've heard them before, well tough titty, but I reckon these were born before most of you were even twinkles in your parents eyes - oh, and the fact they are all about the Irish is just coincidence, pure coincidence, could be about anyone...:


Paddy shouts frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are
only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"

--------- --------- --------- ---------

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.

--------- --------- --------- ---------

Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"What on earth you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".

-------------- ------------ --------------

An American tourist asks an Irishman:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies:
"They have to go backwards. If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."

----------------------------------------------------------

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy,
'You must have a vase somewhere!'
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2014, 04:55 PM   #7
infinite monkey
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
The first two made me lol.
infinite monkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2014, 07:45 PM   #8
busterb
NSABFD
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS. usa
Posts: 3,908
Great sex

I had awesome early morning sex this morning!!!








Damn shame no one was here to share.
__________________
I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch.
busterb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2014, 05:07 PM   #9
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
It's always heartening to learn that everything 'down there' is in good working order. Personally I have no major problems in this respect, and most especially with regards to its other and more regular function. At 6.00 am regular as clockwork, I can be confident that I wiil urinate without any problem whatsoever. It's just a bit inconvenient that I don't usually wake up until 6.30 am.
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2014, 04:27 PM   #10
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
Something for hiccups (I wouldn't be surprised if you had seen this cure before)
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 03:21 PM   #11
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclefrance View Post
Something for hiccups (I wouldn't be surprised if you had seen this cure before)
You may expect my soiled shorts in the mail, presently.
__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2014, 05:43 AM   #12
Sheldonrs
Master Dwellar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 4,412
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gravdigr View Post
You may expect my soiled shorts in the mail, presently.
Kinky! :-)
__________________
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.
Sheldonrs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2014, 04:34 PM   #13
fargon
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 8,924
You scared me CF.
__________________
Annoy the ones that ignore you!!!
I live a blessed life
I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!!
Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.
fargon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2014, 04:43 PM   #14
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
Did you have hiccups?
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2014, 05:19 PM   #15
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
An oldie, but still makes me giggle: see whole list here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.ph...ilOverlordList

My favourites:

Things I'll do if I ever become an Evil Overlord.

Quote:
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
Quote:
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
Quote:
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
Quote:
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
Quote:
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
Quote:
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
humor


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 5 (0 members and 5 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:36 PM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.