Anxious - Page 3

Dagney · 03-07-2007, 08:53 PM

No relationship with anyone else is going to work out until you accept yourself completely for who you are.

"2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life."

You need to realize that there is a lot more to life than having a significant other - yes, it is something that enhances life, but it doesn't 'make' life.

Been there, done that, bought the Teeshirt.

freshnesschronic · 03-11-2007, 02:31 PM

Well, we broke up. Specifically I broke up with her.
During the fourth day of our break I IM'd her and we got to fighting (obviously) about the break and blah blah it evolved into me saying "don't you want to commit to me?" and she answering "no, I don't think I'm ready."

That's more than enough information for me. A relationship is about commitment to your partner. She couldn't give it to me. As much as I love her and want to be with her I can't keep this relationship going with a pseudo-girlfriend. I had to break up.

But in actuality, we broke up on very good terms. She was happy that I had become independent enough to break up with her. Yeah, I'm kinda dependent on her and clingy and she didn't want that. I guess that's the reason why we went on this break. And after that, WE WERE SO HAPPY! Like, we started chatting like it was October 2005 (the time period when we started to develop feelings for each other as friends). It was great, the rest of the nite and all of yesterday. We've defined ourselves as best friends

. With benefits...

We had agreed that we are very young (18 & 19) and we kinda rushed the feeling of love, but we eventually DID find true love in each other. And I left the door WIDE open for her to come back, I told her "if you just commit to me, we can get back together" because that's all I want from her. That's what I secretly want.
But anyway....yesterday nite as I was debating to out to a club and dancing with other girls she told me I should go. We started playing around like me saying "what if I danced with a girl, or made out or had SEX!?" and she was like "well, good for you you're having fun, as long as you don't give me STDs." And I'm like

What?! Then the conversation got more serious. She then started telling me I should stop waiting for her. Like I was gonna stay at home last nite and talk to her but she wanted me to go out and have fun. "Start living your life, there's no guarantee I'll be in it in the future." I was schocked. She said "do what YOU want." And I told her to guess what I wanted...And she guessed right...I just wanted her.
Then I left for the nite, didn't go to the club but decided to do some green with friends in their dorm. I was sad that I really was waiting for her, and she could tell and told me not to.

Then today when she IMs me she asked what I did and I said "I don't think you want to know." She then gets angry and I'm like "well you said I don't have to be bounded to you anymore." And she goes "you can still tell me though!" So I told her. And now, she's really angry. But what does she want. We're not together, I'm living my life, doing what I WANT to do. And still she'll get mad at me, and that's the last thing I want is us as best friends to be unhappy with each other.

I can't tell what she wants anymore. Ideas? Sorry for having such a long fucking post too.

limey · 03-11-2007, 02:41 PM

No, no you haven't broken up with her - that happens when either you don't want her any more, or you do but you know you can't have her any more. It seems you pretended to her that you've broken off with her, and not very well at that.
I was wondering about your ages and you have told us, 18 and 19. That is very young to commit for life to one person (and GOD how I hated being told that at that age

!).
I really really feel for you Fresh, but having watched this thread from the start, I'd say that this is not the ONE for you ...
[hugs]

Aliantha · 03-11-2007, 07:09 PM

Honestly, it sounds to me like she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you. Not in her heart of hearts, even though she says so. That's very unfair of her and I know it is very frustrating when people do that to you.

If you want to know what i really think, I'd say you need to just cut off contact with her completely and REALLY make an effort to move on with your life without her. Date other girls. Spend time with your mates doing bloke stuff. Join a club or whatever. Do the stuff you've thought about but have never bothered making the time for because you had her to spend time with.

In short, move on without her and don't think about anything in the future with her. If it's meant to happen it will, but it'd be a shame to miss out on a really great opportunity because you're sitting around waiting for something that in all likelihood is not going to happen.

Aliantha · 03-11-2007, 07:10 PM

One other thing. If you're already depressed, stay off the hooch. It wont help.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-11-2007, 11:41 PM

Senior in High School? way to young and college to go through before any kind of commitment. Foolish to think otherwise. Sorry Man, but you ain't ready either.

freshnesschronic · 03-12-2007, 12:23 AM

Haven't you watched any movies Bruce!! Plus, don't you have any friend's cousins who were the high school couple who stayed together?

Yeah, you're right though. First loves, man. But what's life good for if you can't dream?

Aliantha · 03-12-2007, 12:38 AM

Quite a number of my family members married their childhood sweethearts. On the whole, they have very good marriages. It doesn't work for everyone though. Definitely didn't work for me. lol

In a lot of ways, it's a bonus not to get into a relationship from an early age because your opportunities for lots of things do tend to be limited. That's my opinion though, and of course there are exceptions to that too.

What it comes down to is that, if it's so much work just to keep the relationship together, it's probably not the right place to be. That being said though, all relationships take a lot of work, but it should be work you enjoy, not work that seems to only end in pain.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-12-2007, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

Haven't you watched any movies Bruce!! Plus, don't you have any friend's cousins who were the high school couple who stayed together?

Yeah, you're right though. First loves, man. But what's life good for if you can't dream?

I don't know any that pledged eternal devotion in high school, then went to college, and stuck together. Some married right out of high school, some reunited later in life, but continuity through college? No. Besides, college is where the girls explore their lesbian side.

Sundae · 03-12-2007, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

Haven't you watched any movies Bruce!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Besides, college is where the girls explore their lesbian side.

I'd say that's a big yes....

03-07-2007, 08:53 PM	#31
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	No relationship with anyone else is going to work out until you accept yourself completely for who you are. "2 years of knowing I can kiss her and hold her and that I have a significant other has been my way of life." You need to realize that there is a lot more to life than having a significant other - yes, it is something that enhances life, but it doesn't 'make' life. Been there, done that, bought the Teeshirt. __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

03-11-2007, 02:31 PM	#32
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Update Again Well, we broke up. Specifically I broke up with her. During the fourth day of our break I IM'd her and we got to fighting (obviously) about the break and blah blah it evolved into me saying "don't you want to commit to me?" and she answering "no, I don't think I'm ready." That's more than enough information for me. A relationship is about commitment to your partner. She couldn't give it to me. As much as I love her and want to be with her I can't keep this relationship going with a pseudo-girlfriend. I had to break up. But in actuality, we broke up on very good terms. She was happy that I had become independent enough to break up with her. Yeah, I'm kinda dependent on her and clingy and she didn't want that. I guess that's the reason why we went on this break. And after that, WE WERE SO HAPPY! Like, we started chatting like it was October 2005 (the time period when we started to develop feelings for each other as friends). It was great, the rest of the nite and all of yesterday. We've defined ourselves as best friends . With benefits... We had agreed that we are very young (18 & 19) and we kinda rushed the feeling of love, but we eventually DID find true love in each other. And I left the door WIDE open for her to come back, I told her "if you just commit to me, we can get back together" because that's all I want from her. That's what I secretly want. But anyway....yesterday nite as I was debating to out to a club and dancing with other girls she told me I should go. We started playing around like me saying "what if I danced with a girl, or made out or had SEX!?" and she was like "well, good for you you're having fun, as long as you don't give me STDs." And I'm like What?! Then the conversation got more serious. She then started telling me I should stop waiting for her. Like I was gonna stay at home last nite and talk to her but she wanted me to go out and have fun. "Start living your life, there's no guarantee I'll be in it in the future." I was schocked. She said "do what YOU want." And I told her to guess what I wanted...And she guessed right...I just wanted her. Then I left for the nite, didn't go to the club but decided to do some green with friends in their dorm. I was sad that I really was waiting for her, and she could tell and told me not to. Then today when she IMs me she asked what I did and I said "I don't think you want to know." She then gets angry and I'm like "well you said I don't have to be bounded to you anymore." And she goes "you can still tell me though!" So I told her. And now, she's really angry. But what does she want. We're not together, I'm living my life, doing what I WANT to do. And still she'll get mad at me, and that's the last thing I want is us as best friends to be unhappy with each other. I can't tell what she wants anymore. Ideas? Sorry for having such a long fucking post too.

03-11-2007, 02:41 PM	#33
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	No, no you haven't broken up with her - that happens when either you don't want her any more, or you do but you know you can't have her any more. It seems you pretended to her that you've broken off with her, and not very well at that. I was wondering about your ages and you have told us, 18 and 19. That is very young to commit for life to one person (and GOD how I hated being told that at that age !). I really really feel for you Fresh, but having watched this thread from the start, I'd say that this is not the ONE for you ... [hugs] __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

03-11-2007, 07:09 PM	#34
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Honestly, it sounds to me like she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you. Not in her heart of hearts, even though she says so. That's very unfair of her and I know it is very frustrating when people do that to you. If you want to know what i really think, I'd say you need to just cut off contact with her completely and REALLY make an effort to move on with your life without her. Date other girls. Spend time with your mates doing bloke stuff. Join a club or whatever. Do the stuff you've thought about but have never bothered making the time for because you had her to spend time with. In short, move on without her and don't think about anything in the future with her. If it's meant to happen it will, but it'd be a shame to miss out on a really great opportunity because you're sitting around waiting for something that in all likelihood is not going to happen. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-11-2007, 07:10 PM	#35
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	One other thing. If you're already depressed, stay off the hooch. It wont help. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-11-2007, 11:41 PM	#36
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Senior in High School? way to young and college to go through before any kind of commitment. Foolish to think otherwise. Sorry Man, but you ain't ready either. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-12-2007, 12:23 AM	#37
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Haven't you watched any movies Bruce!! Plus, don't you have any friend's cousins who were the high school couple who stayed together? Yeah, you're right though. First loves, man. But what's life good for if you can't dream?

03-12-2007, 12:38 AM	#38
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Quite a number of my family members married their childhood sweethearts. On the whole, they have very good marriages. It doesn't work for everyone though. Definitely didn't work for me. lol In a lot of ways, it's a bonus not to get into a relationship from an early age because your opportunities for lots of things do tend to be limited. That's my opinion though, and of course there are exceptions to that too. What it comes down to is that, if it's so much work just to keep the relationship together, it's probably not the right place to be. That being said though, all relationships take a lot of work, but it should be work you enjoy, not work that seems to only end in pain. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

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