The Double-Standard Rant

[limey]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Ok...here's how we handle the clothes on the floor issue.

Hubby left clothes lying around the floor before he knew me.

Clothes lying on the floor is no issue for him, but it pisses me off.

Should he have to pick up his clothes just to please me when for himself it doesn't matter?

Mostly he doesn't. He just leaves them in a pile next to his side of the bed. Now and then he surprises me by putting all his clothes away and that's always nice and he does it for my benefit not his.

My thoughts on this: Why should he have to change the way he's always been just for my benefit? Do they harm me on the floor? Nope. Does he leave them all over the house? Nope, just next to his bed. Is it nice when he does decide to clean them up? You bet it is. Do I expect it to ever be done? Not on my life.

I don't expect him to be perfect or to read my mind. If one of us is unhappy with something we say so and we never EVER argue about something that was an issue the last time we had an argument. To me, that's a lot healthier than hanging onto other shit from the past and using it as ammo next time you get pissed off with one another.

Do I think our relationship is perfect? Not for anyone else, but for us it is.

n.b. Perfect doesn't mean that we don't have issues, just that the way we work them out works perfectly for us, and that's what being in a relationship is all about as far as I'm concerned. If you expect it to be all peaches and cream you should also expect it to end right about the time the endorphins stop floating around and it's time to seriously consider where things are going.

I could have written this post !

[disenchanted]

Maybe I'm a little more jaded and cynical than the next guy, but here's my two cents:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Keep in mind it's also possible to slip into an "anti-game game." For example: Husband leaves dirty clothes on the floor. Wife gets pissed, Husband accuses her of playing games because she can't "expect him to read her mind," she should have asked him to pick up his clothes if that's what she wanted. Except it is a known fact that Wife never wants clothes left on the floor, thus Husband is intentionally playing dumb by requiring her to ask before he'll take action on his own.

Is it possible that part of the game is searching for things to get bent out of shape over? I say this as a person that tended to be way more orderly than the ex was, and one of my consolation prizes after she left was that when I clean, it tends to stay clean, unlike when she was around.

But this example doesn't strike me as some sort of anti-game. At its core, it's still the same bullshit: One or the other isn't living up to the other's expectations, and rather than just saying so, the situation gets wrapped up in posturing and passive manipulation.

Off to go find my flame-retardant jumpsuit, just in case.

-disenchanted.

[joelnwil]

Well, speaking of games, why is the toilet seat supposed to be down? Is that a law of nature or something?

And here is a conversation I had about 35 years ago, before I was married:

She: "What would you do if I said I never want to see you again?"

Me: "[looking at watch] Well, it is about 10:30, so in about an hour and a half I will go to lunch."

Never saw her again, thank goodness.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by disenchanted

But this example doesn't strike me as some sort of anti-game. At its core, it's still the same bullshit: One or the other isn't living up to the other's expectations, and rather than just saying so, the situation gets wrapped up in posturing and passive manipulation.

Disclaimer: This was not an actual example from my relationship, just a completely fabricated scene.

I agree, that was my point--though the Husband in the scenario is making a point about how he is "refusing to play games," he is in fact still playing his own game.

[Aliantha]

We had a new toilet installed recently and I got one of those wooden seats to go on it. For some reason it wont stay up unless you hold it up, so that works out pretty well for me being the only girl in our household.

[SteveDallas]

It works out well until one of the males is standing there just trying to take care of business, and the seat falls down and injures him.

(FWIW, my "solution" to the seat up/down controversy is to religiously put down the seat. And the lid.)

[Aliantha]

Well if they're short enough to have their willy right at the point of impact, they're probably too short to be lifting the lid anyway.

I do the lid too... pisses her off... we both stay pissed-off about the toilet that way. Stalemate.
(plus it helps keep the germs from reaching the toothbrush and towels...at least to my little brain)

It is supposed to be down because chicks can't seem to remember to check it before sitting and they fall in... which is DAMN FUNNY!

[yesman065]

Oh hell, the toilet seat issue was fixed for me when I shattered my knoeecap many years ago. I couldn't stand up long enough to "do my business" so I started sitting down. Now I still do given the chance. C'mon guys take a seat and take a load off.





yes, I know. Let 'em fly!

[Shawnee123]

I don't get the toilet seat issue...here's why:

If you BOTH put down BOTH the seat and the lid, you BOTH have to lift something in order to do your business. Fair for everyone, and the reason there is a lid is so you don't have to stare into the toilet everytime you go into the bathroom if you choose not to.

[glatt]

There are two fair solutions to the toilet question. The best answer is to put the lid down. That's what it's for. The second best, but equally fair solution is to take care of business and then walk away without doing anything to the seat. Statistically speaking, everyone will be inconvenienced the same that way. When the guy walks up to the toilet after the woman has gone, he will have to lift the seat. When the woman walks up after the guy, she will have to lower the seat. Sometimes the guy will be sitting, and the woman won't have to do anything. It all evens out.

But you should really close the lid. Especially if you have kids in the house.

[Undertoad]

Ah, but -- if shit molecules settle on nearby surfaces, then closing the lid will expose one to more than twice as many shit molecule encounters.

Your method two, each puts the seat into whatever configuration they need, one has a 50-50 chance of touching one "area", the seat.

Your method one, one must always lift the lid, 100%, and then men must also lift the seat an increased number of times. One must also close the lid thus encountering another shit molecule event. Unfair to all, but even more unfair to men.

Method three, therefore: the lid is always down, but the men pee in the sink. This, all should agree, is the most equitable arrangement.

[Shawnee123]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Ah, but -- if shit molecules settle on nearby surfaces, then closing the lid will expose one to more than twice as many shit molecule encounters.

Your method two, each puts the seat into whatever configuration they need, one has a 50-50 chance of touching one "area", the seat.

Your method one, one must always lift the lid, 100%, and then men must also lift the seat an increased number of times. One must also close the lid thus encountering another shit molecule event. Unfair to all, but even more unfair to men.

Method three, therefore: the lid is always down, but the men pee in the sink. This, all should agree, is the most equitable arrangement.

As far as I know, neither me nor any of my significant others tended to spray shit molecules all over outside toilet surfaces. :p

Anyway, ladies, just have yellow carpet installed in the bathroom since seat up or seat down they can't hit the damn hole anyway.

[SteveDallas]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Method three, therefore: the lid is always down, but the men pee in the sink. This, all should agree, is the most equitable arrangement.

I thought it was the shower.

I'll never get all this stuff straight.....

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Guys can get distracted easily...

Well yeah, but that is why if he does it two days in a row I don't particularly care. But if it gets to 3 or more (generally speaking) you can't ignore it because it smells up the apartment. That is why I want it gone. So I almost always take it out myself if he lets it go that long.

Part of the problem is I don't want to nag, so I can't really remind him because he might think I am nagging. I usually remind him two days in a row (once a day) and after that if it doesn't happen I take it out myself (unless it is super heavy for some reason) and tell him I took it out. He will then usually say he is sorry, he really meant to do it, but it is just annoying to me sometimes. No big deal really.

If I at home and I ask him to do it and he doesn't, then I start getting ready to take it out and he usually does it for me. But we work slightly different schedules so most of the time I say something in passing or the night before. So I am not really surprised that he forgets. I just can't stand the smell of old garbage...