Tasteless Jokes - Page 24

moscarda · 10-02-2008, 04:40 PM

i think its better told like this:

knock knock
who's there?
world trade center
wtc who?
i thought you said you'd never forget?

----
what's the difference between george bush and a bucket of shit?
the bucket.

----
why is divorce so expensive?
because it's worth it.

----
what did one gerbil say to the other gerbil?
lets go to the gay bar and get shit-faced.

----
what's brown and sticky?
a stick.

----
how do you starve a *insert ethnic slur* person?
hide his foodstamps in his work boots.

----
what is long, hard, and full of se(a)men?
a submarine.

----
did you hear about the mathematician with constipation?
he worked it out with a pencil

----
did you hear about the sky-diving blind guy?
scared the hell out of the dog.

----
a guy on vacation sees a crippled girl crying at the beach. he asks her what's wrong. she says she's never been hugged. so he gives her a hug and she stops crying. the next day he sees her crying again, cause she has never been kissed. he kisses her and she cheers up. the following day, he sees her more sad than ever. she says she's never been fucked. so he throws her in the ocean and says now you're fucked!

---
three guys stranded on a desert island find a genie in a bottle who grants them each a wish. the first wishes to be back home, and *poof* he disappears. the second wishes to be far away in paradise, and *poof* off he goes. the third guy says "i'm lonely, i wish my friends were back here."

----
three kids come down for breakfast. their mom asks the oldest "what would you like for breakfast?" to which he responds "make me some fuckin pancakes!" appalled at his language, the mother sends him to his room without food. "what would YOU like for breakfast?" she asks the second child. "more fuckin pancakes for me!" he exclaims, only to be sent to his room as well. "well sweetie" the mother says to the youngest, "what would you like?" the kid says "i dunno mom, but i definitely don't want any fuckin pancakes!"

----
so i go to the shrink. he says "you're crazy!" i tell him i'm gonna need to get a second opinion. so he says "okay, you're ugly too!"

Cicero · 10-03-2008, 06:52 PM

I just wanted to point out this item...Louis CK on tomorrow night if you have showtime...which I don't...

http://www.louisck.net/

Crimson Ghost · 10-04-2008, 05:04 PM

Women Are Evil By Nature...
=====================
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She
gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her
immediately. She seductively signaled that he
should bring his face closer to hers. As he did,
she gently caressed his full beard.

'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face
with both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied.

'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said,
running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there
anything I can do?'

'Yes, I need you to give him a message,' she continued,
running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and
slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and
allowing him to suck them
gently. 'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.

'Tell him,' she whispered, 'there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or
paper towels in the ladies room.'

classicman · 12-11-2008, 12:06 PM

Good gracious - that was posted 5 YEARS ago. Who cares at this point? Oh and welcome aboard the cellar.

11-19-2009, 09:58 AM

What is black and white and red all over? A Race riot.

Would it still be funny if it was not offensive?

xoxoxoBruce · 11-20-2009, 12:57 AM

Welcome to the Cellar, wiley.

jujuwwhite · 11-20-2009, 10:44 PM

Sometimes....when you cry....no one sees your tears..
Sometimes....when you are in pain...no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes....when you are worried....no one sees your stress.
Sometimes....when you are happy.....no one sees your smile...
But...
Just try masturbating on a bus one time and just see how much fucking attention you get!

03-30-2010, 12:25 PM

What do rednecks do on Halloween?

:Pump-Kin

Crimson Ghost · 03-31-2010, 01:52 AM

And a new contender enters the ring...

Pie · 04-05-2010, 12:06 PM

Wow...
Just. Wow.

Shawnee123 · 04-05-2010, 12:13 PM

What. Duh. Fuuuuuuuuuuu?

And how does Jackson Pollock's family fit into this whole deal?

Pollocks. snort.

classicman · 04-05-2010, 01:50 PM

Who is Nic?

DanaC · 04-05-2010, 06:47 PM

... that was eight fucking years ago!

classicman · 04-05-2010, 08:36 PM

Speechless

Urbane Guerrilla · 04-07-2010, 05:38 PM

...aaaand Never Mind The Pollocks. It's The Sex Pistils...

10-03-2008, 06:52 PM	#2
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	I just wanted to point out this item...Louis CK on tomorrow night if you have showtime...which I don't... http://www.louisck.net/ __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

10-04-2008, 05:04 PM	#3
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	Women Are Evil By Nature... ===================== A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. 'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied. 'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. 'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?' 'Yes, I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. 'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say. 'Tell him,' she whispered, 'there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.' __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

12-11-2008, 12:06 PM	#4
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Good gracious - that was posted 5 YEARS ago. Who cares at this point? Oh and welcome aboard the cellar. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

11-20-2009, 12:57 AM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Welcome to the Cellar, wiley. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-20-2009, 10:44 PM	#7
jujuwwhite Capnhowdy's #1 smasher Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Rentz, GA Posts: 339	Sometimes....when you cry....no one sees your tears.. Sometimes....when you are in pain...no one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried....no one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.....no one sees your smile... But... Just try masturbating on a bus one time and just see how much fucking attention you get! __________________ I don't suffer from insanity...i enjoy every moment of it.

10-02-2008, 04:40 PM	#1
moscarda Kinda New Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1	i think its better told like this: knock knock who's there? world trade center wtc who? i thought you said you'd never forget? ---- what's the difference between george bush and a bucket of shit? the bucket. ---- why is divorce so expensive? because it's worth it. ---- what did one gerbil say to the other gerbil? lets go to the gay bar and get shit-faced. ---- what's brown and sticky? a stick. ---- how do you starve a insert ethnic slur person? hide his foodstamps in his work boots. ---- what is long, hard, and full of se(a)men? a submarine. ---- did you hear about the mathematician with constipation? he worked it out with a pencil ---- did you hear about the sky-diving blind guy? scared the hell out of the dog. ---- a guy on vacation sees a crippled girl crying at the beach. he asks her what's wrong. she says she's never been hugged. so he gives her a hug and she stops crying. the next day he sees her crying again, cause she has never been kissed. he kisses her and she cheers up. the following day, he sees her more sad than ever. she says she's never been fucked. so he throws her in the ocean and says now you're fucked! --- three guys stranded on a desert island find a genie in a bottle who grants them each a wish. the first wishes to be back home, and poof he disappears. the second wishes to be far away in paradise, and poof off he goes. the third guy says "i'm lonely, i wish my friends were back here." ---- three kids come down for breakfast. their mom asks the oldest "what would you like for breakfast?" to which he responds "make me some fuckin pancakes!" appalled at his language, the mother sends him to his room without food. "what would YOU like for breakfast?" she asks the second child. "more fuckin pancakes for me!" he exclaims, only to be sent to his room as well. "well sweetie" the mother says to the youngest, "what would you like?" the kid says "i dunno mom, but i definitely don't want any fuckin pancakes!" ---- so i go to the shrink. he says "you're crazy!" i tell him i'm gonna need to get a second opinion. so he says "okay, you're ugly too!"

11-19-2009, 09:58 AM	#5
wileywmson Guest Posts: n/a	What is black and white and red all over? A Race riot. Would it still be funny if it was not offensive?

03-30-2010, 12:25 PM	#8
ribsandchicken Guest Posts: n/a	What do rednecks do on Halloween? :Pump-Kin

03-31-2010, 01:52 AM	#9
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	And a new contender enters the ring... __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

04-05-2010, 12:06 PM	#10
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Wow... Just. Wow. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

04-05-2010, 12:13 PM	#11
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	What. Duh. Fuuuuuuuuuuu? And how does Jackson Pollock's family fit into this whole deal? Pollocks. snort. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-05-2010, 01:50 PM	#12
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Who is Nic? __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-05-2010, 08:36 PM	#14
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Speechless __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-07-2010, 05:38 PM	#15
Urbane Guerrilla Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,674	...aaaand Never Mind The Pollocks. It's The Sex Pistils... __________________ Wanna stop school shootings? End Gun-Free Zones, of course.

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