Polyamorous Relationships...

[Roosta]

It's not really my bag, but if it makes you all happy, then it's a good thing.

[LabRat]

happy birthday to you!

how did this first begin??

[Clodfobble]

I suspect that just like kids of monogamous parents, your kids really don't want to think about you having sex, regardless of whom it's with. I think it'll be many more years before they become interested in your situation at all, let alone for sociological purposes.

I do have to ask, though: you mention all six of you in the basement, or plans lasting over the weekend. Where are the kids while these gatherings are actually happening? Asleep?

[wolf]

Good point, griff.

Danielle van Dam

[elf]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I suspect that just like kids of monogamous parents, your kids really don't want to think about you having sex, regardless of whom it's with. I think it'll be many more years before they become interested in your situation at all, let alone for sociological purposes.

Truth! I do very much fear overinforming them. . .

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I do have to ask, though: you mention all six of you in the basement, or plans lasting over the weekend. Where are the kids while these gatherings are actually happening? Asleep?

Yeah, all the kids are upstairs and asleep before any of the ... fun stuff goes on.

[lookout123]

well, i've got some thoughts on the issue, but i want to make sure that i really understand the dynamics involved first. so, if you would send me a video, or set up a decent webcam, i'll let you know what i think after i have time to, um... research.


bruce hasn't been here yet, so i thought i would beat him to the punch.

[elf]

Originally Posted by lookout123

well, i've got some thoughts on the issue, but i want to make sure that i really understand the dynamics involved first. so, if you would send me a video, or set up a decent webcam, i'll let you know what i think after i have time to, um... research.


bruce hasn't been here yet, so i thought i would beat him to the punch.

hnmmmm... research. Good idea. . .

Ain't gonna happen, but a good idea nonetheless!
:p
<small>
'sides, you prolly don't wanna see me nekkid. You like for your eyeballs to be unscathed, no?

[lookout123]

you just let me be the judge of what i want my eyeballs to take in.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by lookout123

bruce hasn't been here yet, so i thought i would beat him to the punch.

Yes I have.

[wolf]

I keep thinking "Fall of the Roman Empire" as I read this ...

[Griff]

[soapbox]Way too complicated. I really wouldn't want the kind of bond you're talking about outside of my marriage. There is too much potential trouble having sexual relationships with people you cannot know as well as your spouse. I don't see the problem for your child being that someone finds out that you're swingers. The problem is that your life-style creates very real dangers for your daughter. The woman from your triad turned out to be a nutjob but you're willing to bring four potential nuts into your life? Think about your child's safety, your first responsibility is to her.[/soapbox]

This is that strange case where I'm being completely serious.

[elf]

Originally Posted by Griff

[soapbox]Way too complicated. I really wouldn't want the kind of bond you're talking about outside of my marriage. There is too much potential trouble having sexual relationships with people you cannot know as well as your spouse. I don't see the problem for your child being that someone finds out that you're swingers. The problem is that your life-style creates very real dangers for your daughter. The woman from your triad turned out to be a nutjob but you're willing to bring four potential nuts into your life? Think about your child's safety, your first responsibility is to her.[/soapbox]

This is that strange case where I'm being completely serious.

I see where you're coming from on this. . . but if you step aside from the fact that there's sex going on, you can also see that if you socialize in any form with your family, you need to be careful to protect your children.

I do protect my children. I've done everything that I can to keep them safe ... <i>and</i> made sure that they feel secure in telling me if something wrong happens to them - damage control. I know that she's getting to an age where these things need to be closer to the forefront in my little list of worries. . . I'm not going to shelter them to the point of keeping them in a bubble, either, though.

I'm get the impression that overall, people tend toward the thought that there's some equation of alternative=dangerous. Why is that? The people I'm with now seem more normal than a lot of straight & narrow types I know. . .

[Griff]

Originally Posted by elf

I see where you're coming from on this. . . but if you step aside from the fact that there's sex going on, you can also see that if you socialize in any form with your family, you need to be careful to protect your children.

You already know that the intensity of these exta-familial relationships is much higher than "regular" socializing.

Originally Posted by elf

I do protect my children. I've done everything that I can to keep them safe ... <i>and</i> made sure that they feel secure in telling me if something wrong happens to them - damage control. I know that she's getting to an age where these things need to be closer to the forefront in my little list of worries. . . I'm not going to shelter them to the point of keeping them in a bubble, either, though.

If you really have an eleven year old girl in your house who hasn't been taught anything about her sexuality, you are not protecting her.

Originally Posted by elf

I'm get the impression that overall, people tend toward the thought that there's some equation of alternative=dangerous. Why is that? The people I'm with now seem more normal than a lot of straight & narrow types I know. . .

Sometimes conservative attitudes exist because they protect people. I only know that I'm not perceptive enough to know five people as well as I know one. I know I'm coming off as pretty square here but I've been in enough classrooms to see what kids become when they are not first on their parents list of priorities.

[richlevy]

Originally Posted by Griff

Sometimes conservative attitudes exist because they protect people. I only know that I'm not perceptive enough to know five people as well as I know one. I know I'm coming off as pretty square here but I've been in enough classrooms to see what kids become when they are not first on their parents list of priorities.

And sometimes they exist as a form of hypocrisy to make society at large feel better about itself. When some states have more laws on the books prohibiting sex toys than firearms you have to wonder who is protecting whom from what.

Being 'conservative' and caring about children are not the same thing.

[elf]

Originally Posted by Griff

You already know that the intensity of these exta-familial relationships is much higher than "regular" socializing.

If you really have an eleven year old girl in your house who hasn't been taught anything about her sexuality, you are not protecting her.

Sometimes conservative attitudes exist because they protect people. I only know that I'm not perceptive enough to know five people as well as I know one. I know I'm coming off as pretty square here but I've been in enough classrooms to see what kids become when they are not first on their parents list of priorities.

Whuff dah. Ok, I know you aren't deliberately trying to get my rile up so I'm going to not get overdefensive. . .

The 'intensity' of the relationship.... how to put it. Let's try a scale of one to ten.
1 would be the mellowness of a family gathering when the 'black sheep' of the family didn't show up. Comfortable. Easy, yes?
5 would be an average, somewhat affectionate couple (will kiss in front of the kids, but limit it to a few seconds, and no groping) Disputes will be settled without hiding from the kids, but any heated arguements will wait till they're not there.
10 would be... oh, how about a night club? High competition, attitudes, etc. Sexual tension and the possibility of fights breaking out everywhere.

The group we're with rates around a four.

Hell, I'm not sure how much an eleven year old should know. . . She knows what appropriate contact is, and which parts of her body are her own and not to be touched by others. She knows that she can come to me if she's curious about things or if something her friends have said has got her perplexed. She was purely disgusted with me when I asked her after her school dance if she kissed any boys.

Am I that far off?

I don't think you're 'coming off square' as you put it, I think you saw something that set off your alarm bells, and went ahead and said so. So far as I see, that's always a good judgement call.