Please excuse my emotional distance this week - Page 2

10-05-2003, 10:17 PM

I'd take you up on it if we weren't stationed in NoVA pretty permanently.

Undertoad · 10-05-2003, 10:22 PM

Don't forget about how we could set up our guitar and bass stuff next to each other and spontaneously jam. The King of Prussia SAIC office is 10 minutes away as are the retail outfits in the malls that Jenni could manage. Plus you could run your servers out of your residence. Think about it.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-05-2003, 10:29 PM

Watch out you guys, by Christmas he'll be hooked up with some awesome supermodel that owns a casino and you'll be out on your butts.

Griff · 10-06-2003, 06:08 AM

It looks like this life/thread is already turning around. Take care of yourself man and look for the opportunity in the debris. It's always there somewhere.

OnyxCougar · 10-06-2003, 07:15 AM

One more reason we need to start planning the next GTG.

Beestie · 10-06-2003, 08:08 AM

My tips from experience:

Don't look past today - don't think about the future. No one likes uncertainty so why dwell on it.

Don't take it personally - no one is perfect so its not helpful to think its happening because of something you did. Doing those same things in another context could be fine - its not you or someone else - its the relationship.

Look at the bright side - it ain't working so you'll be better off. But, for reasons I cannot guess, shedding one's self of a bad relationship hurts more than being in one. Just a curse of the human condition, I suppose. Sort of like a bad wisdom tooth - it hurts but yanking it out hurts more but that pain stops in a couple days and no one doubts that you are better off.

Hug your dog. We could learn a lot from a dog.

Tomorrow it won't hurt as bad. And the next day and the next. Don't look ahead, and don't fight it - let it flow through. Best to face it now 'cause undealt with emotions are probably the biggest cause of unhappiness I can think of. Just face it and get it over with - denial seems, on the surface, to be an act of strength but its really not (cowardice is too strong a word).

If anything in here seems to look like I'm characterizing you - its not - - these are the general ramblings of someone who has had to deal with this crap in the past and who is 50 times better off now. Hopefully, you will too.

Good luck! [Urge to attach dumb, patronizing smiley successfully resisted]

slang · 10-06-2003, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
Watch out you guys, by Christmas he'll be hooked up with some awesome supermodel that owns a casino and you'll be out on your butts.

SupermodelS, Bruce....he has 2 rooms available

Undertoad · 10-06-2003, 09:33 AM

Thanks B. I think that first tip will be invaluable to me. I hadn't thought about it in those terms. You are really onto something. The future could be anything; all I have to do is think that it will be better, and do what I have to do, and let it arrive.

She actually insists that I get the dogs. This is not for their benefit, but theirs; she knows they will live a better life with me than with her. She leaves at 8 and comes home at 9.

*sigh*

I always knew that if she found herself on solid ground, with self esteem and a belief in herself, that it might mean she'd decide I was expendable. But I still tried to help her reach that solid ground. If I wanted to control her, I would have subtlely undermined her, so that she would have come to rely on me more. (I've seen that happen in, well, MOST relationships...)

So when I think about it that way, she is my greatest achievement in life; I took a struggling, confused 22-year-old and helped her to grow into a brilliant, independent 37-year-old. (Along the way I took myself from a brilliant, independent 24-year-old to a struggling, confused 39-year-old.)

In return, she is basically giving me the house.

That is the bottom line of our lives together.

warch · 10-06-2003, 10:38 AM

I'm glad Pearl and Bean are there to help on this ride. Sometime the most appropriate response is a face lick. If I can help, you know,... you know.

Undertoad · 10-06-2003, 10:39 AM

You are definitely welcome to help the dogs lick my face! (*blush*)

10-06-2003, 10:40 AM

This is where my lack of life experience kicks me in the ass. But there are a few things I've lived through that can apply, so...

1) Keep an open mind. The most important piece of advice I've ever gotten.

2) This day, too, shall pass.

3) Worrying never fixes the problem, and usually makes it worse. So don't do it.

You're the man, Tony. You'll land on your feet. And then we'll go get some mother fuckin' PAD GAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hot_pastrami · 10-06-2003, 10:52 AM

Remember UT, you've got gobs of well-deserved friends here, you're never alone. We love you Tony! The fact that we all communicate through on online medium does not indicate friendships with less depth.

I tossed a little in the Paypal tip jar which will hopefully help with the financial aspect of things... I've been enjoying the Cellar for a while on your dime, so I wish I could afford to give back even more.

If you need anything which we can provide, please ask.

Tobiasly · 10-06-2003, 12:29 PM

Well Tone, being a young, newly-married whippersnapper myself, I can't really offer much in the advice department. But I do know how those first few weeks being away from my wife were like, and my deployment sure <i>seemed</i> like an eternity at the time.

So I'll just reiterate the "take it one day at a time" sentiment, and hang in there, man.

richlevy · 10-06-2003, 03:31 PM

Very sorry to hear about it. Well, if it will make you feel any better, you're invited to the next BBQ at my house when the reconstruction is done. I was planning on inviting anyone who was at Plastic Forks, especially our host Bob.

Nothing like hot BBQ in front of a fireplace on a cold fall evening.

Undertoad · 10-06-2003, 03:47 PM

You all are great, you know that.

We don't have many friends. Last night talking about our situation, I pointed out that we both have a tiny set of people that we can call on for help and advice and a good word. She pointed out that I have the Cellar people beyond that. She's right. All your words and advice are very helpful.

In fact, working alone like I do, I don't know what I'd do without you all. So thanks for that too.

10-05-2003, 10:29 PM	#18
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Watch out you guys, by Christmas he'll be hooked up with some awesome supermodel that owns a casino and you'll be out on your butts. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-06-2003, 06:08 AM	#19
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	It looks like this life/thread is already turning around. Take care of yourself man and look for the opportunity in the debris. It's always there somewhere. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

10-06-2003, 07:15 AM	#20
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	One more reason we need to start planning the next GTG. __________________ Impotentes defendere libertatem non possunt. "Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

10-06-2003, 08:08 AM	#21
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	No majik bullet for that... My tips from experience: Don't look past today - don't think about the future. No one likes uncertainty so why dwell on it. Don't take it personally - no one is perfect so its not helpful to think its happening because of something you did. Doing those same things in another context could be fine - its not you or someone else - its the relationship. Look at the bright side - it ain't working so you'll be better off. But, for reasons I cannot guess, shedding one's self of a bad relationship hurts more than being in one. Just a curse of the human condition, I suppose. Sort of like a bad wisdom tooth - it hurts but yanking it out hurts more but that pain stops in a couple days and no one doubts that you are better off. Hug your dog. We could learn a lot from a dog. Tomorrow it won't hurt as bad. And the next day and the next. Don't look ahead, and don't fight it - let it flow through. Best to face it now 'cause undealt with emotions are probably the biggest cause of unhappiness I can think of. Just face it and get it over with - denial seems, on the surface, to be an act of strength but its really not (cowardice is too strong a word). If anything in here seems to look like I'm characterizing you - its not - - these are the general ramblings of someone who has had to deal with this crap in the past and who is 50 times better off now. Hopefully, you will too. Good luck! [Urge to attach dumb, patronizing smiley successfully resisted] __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

10-06-2003, 10:52 AM	#27
hot_pastrami I am meaty Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Salt Lake City, UT Posts: 1,119	Remember UT, you've got gobs of well-deserved friends here, you're never alone. We love you Tony! The fact that we all communicate through on online medium does not indicate friendships with less depth. I tossed a little in the Paypal tip jar which will hopefully help with the financial aspect of things... I've been enjoying the Cellar for a while on your dime, so I wish I could afford to give back even more. If you need anything which we can provide, please ask. __________________ Hot Pastrami!

10-05-2003, 10:17 PM	#16
dave Guest Posts: n/a	I'd take you up on it if we weren't stationed in NoVA pretty permanently.

10-05-2003, 10:22 PM	#17
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Don't forget about how we could set up our guitar and bass stuff next to each other and spontaneously jam. The King of Prussia SAIC office is 10 minutes away as are the retail outfits in the malls that Jenni could manage. Plus you could run your servers out of your residence. Think about it.

10-06-2003, 09:33 AM	#23
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Thanks B. I think that first tip will be invaluable to me. I hadn't thought about it in those terms. You are really onto something. The future could be anything; all I have to do is think that it will be better, and do what I have to do, and let it arrive. She actually insists that I get the dogs. This is not for their benefit, but theirs; she knows they will live a better life with me than with her. She leaves at 8 and comes home at 9. sigh I always knew that if she found herself on solid ground, with self esteem and a belief in herself, that it might mean she'd decide I was expendable. But I still tried to help her reach that solid ground. If I wanted to control her, I would have subtlely undermined her, so that she would have come to rely on me more. (I've seen that happen in, well, MOST relationships...) So when I think about it that way, she is my greatest achievement in life; I took a struggling, confused 22-year-old and helped her to grow into a brilliant, independent 37-year-old. (Along the way I took myself from a brilliant, independent 24-year-old to a struggling, confused 39-year-old.) In return, she is basically giving me the house. That is the bottom line of our lives together.

10-06-2003, 10:38 AM	#24
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	I'm glad Pearl and Bean are there to help on this ride. Sometime the most appropriate response is a face lick. If I can help, you know,... you know.

10-06-2003, 10:39 AM	#25
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	You are definitely welcome to help the dogs lick my face! (blush)

10-06-2003, 10:40 AM	#26
dave Guest Posts: n/a	This is where my lack of life experience kicks me in the ass. But there are a few things I've lived through that can apply, so... 1) Keep an open mind. The most important piece of advice I've ever gotten. 2) This day, too, shall pass. 3) Worrying never fixes the problem, and usually makes it worse. So don't do it. You're the man, Tony. You'll land on your feet. And then we'll go get some mother fuckin' PAD GAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10-06-2003, 12:29 PM	#28
Tobiasly hot Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Jeffersonville, IN (near Louisville) Posts: 892	Well Tone, being a young, newly-married whippersnapper myself, I can't really offer much in the advice department. But I do know how those first few weeks being away from my wife were like, and my deployment sure <i>seemed</i> like an eternity at the time. So I'll just reiterate the "take it one day at a time" sentiment, and hang in there, man.

10-06-2003, 03:31 PM	#29
richlevy King Of Wishful Thinking Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Philadelphia Suburbs Posts: 6,669	Very sorry to hear about it. Well, if it will make you feel any better, you're invited to the next BBQ at my house when the reconstruction is done. I was planning on inviting anyone who was at Plastic Forks, especially our host Bob. Nothing like hot BBQ in front of a fireplace on a cold fall evening. __________________ Exercise your rights and remember your obligations - VOTE! I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. -- Barack Hussein Obama

10-06-2003, 03:47 PM	#30
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	You all are great, you know that. We don't have many friends. Last night talking about our situation, I pointed out that we both have a tiny set of people that we can call on for help and advice and a good word. She pointed out that I have the Cellar people beyond that. She's right. All your words and advice are very helpful. In fact, working alone like I do, I don't know what I'd do without you all. So thanks for that too.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode