What blindsided you today?

[glatt]

What blindsided me? I just found out my cousin got arrested for stalking someone she had an affair with after he broke it off. WTF?! She was apparently pulling a pretty good Glenn Close with this guy and his family too. No boiled bunnies, but contact with the kids online.

I do know she lost her job as a result. I don't know if she's gonna serve time for it. I don't know if her marriage will survive this. It's not in her character at all. Completely blindsided me. WTF?!

I know people make mistakes, and love, hormones, and emotions can make you do crazy stuff. That's the only explanation I can come up with.

[zippyt]

That SUCKS Glatt !!!

[orthodoc]

There's the downside to the current ease of tracking/contact/communication via the 'net. Unsophisticated users (most people) don't realize their activity is an open book to investigators. So when hurt and hormones get intense enough to blind common sense it's easier than it used to be to cross boundaries and get into trouble.

Sounds like this is huge for her, her marriage, her family - real devastation. Not to mention his marriage and family. I'm sorry. Lots of picking up of pieces that will stretch well into the future. Sorry, Glatt.

[Trilby]

Yikes, sorry to hear this glatt.

sometimes people go a little insane, esp. when it comes to Very Good Sex and throw some Chemistry into the mix and you've got Glenn Close.

Hope she comes out of this better, wiser and NOT in jail. Jail does sucketh.

[glatt]

I've made a conscious decision to not judge her. I can't know what she was going through, but I can imagine how if you are sharing an intensely close relationship with someone for some time and then they cut that off, you are going to still feel entitled to some attention from them. People make mistakes. I hope she gets her act together and moves forward in a productive way.

weird thing is that this all happened a few months ago, but I had no idea it was going on because she's a few states away. My parents were in China for the last several weeks, and when they got back, they got the scoop and relayed it to me. It's weird because I've been interacting with this cousin on FB during this time, and she's been perfectly normal. She had a vague post the other day about appreciating friends and family during a difficult time, and that was apparently when she had some hearing. Shows how oblivious I was, I guess.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by glatt

... I can imagine how if you are sharing an intensely close relationship with someone for some time and then they cut that off, you are going to still feel entitled to some attention from them...

YES

[DanaC]

Possibly worth a medical checkup as well. There are all manner of things that can cause sudden personality change/aberrant behaviour.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Possibly worth a medical checkup as well. There are all manner of things that can cause sudden personality change/aberrant behaviour.

Good call.

[orthodoc]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Possibly worth a medical checkup as well. There are all manner of things that can cause sudden personality change/aberrant behaviour.

I'm with Dana and Trilby, if this was unprecedented out-of-the-blue behavior for her, it's worth a medical checkup. I know of one situation where a woman who suddenly began acting bizarrely in promiscuous terms had an organic reason found on workup. Not common, and certainly not wishing anything like that for your cousin, but worth a checkup if she's willing.

[glatt]

I'm not sure how I would bring up the subject. Maybe mentioning it to her mom would be best. Let the mom talk with her.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by glatt

I'm not sure how I would bring up the subject. Maybe mentioning it to her mom would be best. Let the mom talk with her.

Definitely avoid the "Your dog is dead." approach. Best to ease into it with a "You know how Rover loves to chase cars? Well the other day..."

I honestly think a lot of folks are decompensating. After years of living in denial in a completely insane world where duplicity seems to be the norm from the news media to politicians to advertising to wacky economic policies that allowed things like the housing bubble and CDOs, and the encouragement of creating massive personal debt by using the buying of crap we don't need to impress people we don't like to anesthetize ourselves from just how divorced from reality we've become, I think people are just flailing in a sea of despond and desperately clinging to whatever they think will keep them afloat.

Either that, or she might have some sort of hormone gland thing going on.
(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor though I did play doctor as a child)

[SamIam]

I think Foot is right. A few years back there was book published called when "Society becomes an Addict." It's thesis was pretty much what Foot posted. We've got tons of shiny objects, but nothing of real substance. People fill that hollow space inside with alcohol, designer drugs, the biggest HD TV, the latest gadgets, or an extra marital affair. When our drug of choice suddenly vanishes, we have a tendency to go into serious withdrawals, and we'll do anything to get just one more "hit."

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I honestly think a lot of folks are decompensating. After years of living in denial in a completely insane world where duplicity seems to be the norm from the news media to politicians to advertising to wacky economic policies that allowed things like the housing bubble and CDOs, and the encouragement of creating massive personal debt by using the buying of crap we don't need to impress people we don't like to anesthetize ourselves from just how divorced from reality we've become, I think people are just flailing in a sea of despond and desperately clinging to whatever they think will keep them afloat.

I agree wholeheartedly. The question is why? Why have we become this way? Was it the Industrial revolution-that thing that took a man or a woman's pride of work away? Made people into cogs and forced people to fit the machine rather than the other way 'round? Ergonomics? Gimme a break! Is it mass production or something more, something else? There are waaaaay too many people on this planet and most of them suck.

eta: when I told someone I worked 7pm to 7am two days in a row, one off and then one on again he said, "That's inhumane," and when he said it, I knew it was true. It was the first time that ever occurred to me-that we could have humane jobs, humane economies! What a revelation! Kinda changed my life b/c I was like, "Yeah...you know, you're right. that IS fucking crazy." and I quit.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Trilby

YES

When does "No mean No"?

Entitled? Entitled to one's feelings, sure, I agree. Entitled to some attention? Attention is given, not taken. It's mine to give or not and there's no entitlement involved.

[glatt]

I agree. I'm not excusing the behavior. Just trying to understand where it comes from.

I think it comes from having something, and then losing it, but still feeling like it should belong to you, even when it doesn't, and never really did. It's a faulty thought process, but I think that's the path it takes.