Divorce: It's not whether you fight, but how you fight

[classicman]

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

Or how about: each person has to show they are more than capable of making a living and supporting their children on their own, should the time present itself. Also, each person must write an essay about one unselfish act they've committed in their lifetime.

Not always applicable - still some single income households out there. Many want one parent home to actually raise their own children.

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

Then you have alimony! WTF is alimony? You want to live in the manner to which you've become accustomed? Then get a fucking job, this isn't 1850 anymore.

What about typically the woman, who agreed to forgo a career to raise the kids and then for whatever reason, gets divorced. Isn't it only fair to receive some compensation until such time as she can perhaps get educated and or trained in some way to make a living and support herself and the kids? To expect someone to become instantly self-reliant isn't realistic - IMO.

[Shawnee123]

Amen sistah...ahem, I mean brothuh.

[Shawnee123]

Moan. Groan.

It's not going to change. People are for the most part basically selfish and dumb. Finger pointing and being right and winning have always been more important than any unselfish outcome (for most) no matter what it is you're talking about.

[classicman]

Not me, not at all... I was just sharing something I learned a couple weeks ago.
I had no idea that after the courts decide and the situation is settled that one party can just move and try it all again.

[Shawnee123]

I didn't know that either. How can that be? Ugh...bad situation.

[monster]

I think that one thing that ofter gets overlooked by non-custodial parents who have to pay child support is that the costs of looking after those children often increases after the divorce. So maybe a guy who earns $95 a week only used to have to pay $65 of that to support his kids Maybe his wife paid some too. They split, but suddenly the grocery bill goes up per person because the family is buying in smaller quantities, the utilities bills do not change even though his body is not longer there to be heated, and in all likelihood, childcare and take-out costs will either go up or her income will go down because it's much harder to juggle the kids' sick days and doctors' appointments and school activities when there's only one person available to deal with it.

And yes, the kids do understand it.

[Shawnee123]

As to the first point: It IS relevant if, in the case of tragedy, you can't, or won't, do ANYTHING. I'll let you in on a secret you may already know: human beings are very resilient. My grandmother worked her full time job in a machine shop (making very little) and took in laundry to make ends meet. They were barely scraping by, but they did scrape by.

As to the second: bullshit. Everyone can do something besides spread their legs (or seep sperm.) If they can't they might reconsider adding to the population. Get educated before daddy spends 25 grand on your wedding.

Can't have it both ways: you either abhor users or you don't. YOu either dislike the "eye-batters" or you will fight for their cause until the bitter end. You either support the welfare system in all its faults precisely BECAUSE of the cause you just popped onto, or you think EVERYONE should use their bootstraps.

Or, you can change your viewpoints to cause fights or gain recognition.

[Shawnee123]

Let me add:

Kids are not weapons. Kids are not trophies either.

[glatt]

nah, but they are pretty awesome.

[jimhelm]

I think classics point is dead on, shaw. You seem to be carrying some other fight into this thread. This is kind of a touchy subject for me.... but...

alimony is not welfare. I can't really improve on classic's point. Nor do I feel comfortable elaborating. Just, don't be so hasty to judge with such a broad brush, please. You never know who you're offending.... especially with something like this.

[Shawnee123]

@ glatt:

I agree! Which is precisely the point of my first post in this thread, which got twisted by the twister, as usual.

I love children. Do not think that my lack of them makes me freaking Witchie-poo or something.

That is a forever untold story.

@ jim: I respectfully disagree, but let me elaborate. AGREED upon alimony is one thing: taking people to court to destroy them and take all you can is the work of a bad human being.

Sorry if I offended...my brush isn't nearly as broad as it seems post by post. A whole picture thing works better with me, as I don't change on whims.

If there is personal stuff in MY posts, so be it. Just as the personal creeps into your posts and classic's posts and anyone's posts. Difference being: I think you, jim, are a pretty good person...and certainly don't think you bad because you don't fit into the nutshells.

Sorry all.

[jimhelm]

i was actually referring to your comments regarding alimony.

[Shawnee123]

Which, when pressed, I elaborated upon.

[jimhelm]

sorry... posts are coming too fast. i didn't see your directive @'s when i posted. did they get edited in after for clarity?

I apologize for inferring that you are quick to judge people.

I'm going to duck out now before you two get blood on me. love you guys!

[Shawnee123]

I am probably quick to judge, here on these boards, where it all comes out in black and white.

What I judge are people who behave a certain way as a whole. What I should judge are individual actions. When I condemn a certain "action" of course it blankets everything, because it would be impossible to then list all of the ways in which this or that doesn't apply.

What you should know about me is that I am really a kind person. With all my barking I have no real bite. What I know about individuals, and how they treat me and those around them, is how I interact with others in this life. I am kind to the point that I am the one who gets used, and I am the one who gets stepped all over. All I can keep in my heart is that the shame is not on me...I've only tried my best. In the cellar, no one can hear you cry.

To this point, I've recently given up on the idea that the world is inherently a good place. I've given up on believing that being good is enough, and finding that being bad and hard-hearted is the only way to live through it. However, as bad as I try to be...it doesn't stick. Therefore, the ideas of love and marriage have to be thought of in more practical terms, and the only conclusion that I can come to is we leave this world as we entered it...completely alone. I just try to keep the collateral damage to a minimum.

This should be in another thread, don't know what, but I felt it time to give myself some support, and this is where it bubbled over. I think I need another break.

And please oh please don't discount my sense of humor, which goes over like a lead balloon here but will one day make me rich and famous. Ha!

(Oh, and i did edit in the @'s. Sorry.)

(Here is where you point and laugh at the crazy emotional human woman.)