Merry F'in Christmas - I want a divorce.

[wolf]

Lookout, you need a meaner attorney. I mean this in the nicest possible way.

You might want to ask around to find out about the most skilled and meanest female divorce attorney in your area.

Hell hath no fury, and all that.

[Brett's Honey]

As much as I like (and agree with) Elspode's advice, Lookout, in your post after his, you're right about "having to mind your P's & q's" right now. When my now-husband went through his divorce several years ago - to make a long story short - during an investigation, he was asked by detectives about his really being celibate for all that time and he replied "There are more important things in life than pussy, and there are two kinds of liars - men who say they never did, and men who say they've quit." He said the detectives immediately looked away and shut up. Like a lot of men, they don't want to talk about jacking off....
I'm not sure if she knows what she's up against...Lookout, I can tell you're ready to ruuuuumble for little lookout, and also for yourself...you do not deserve to pay financially also for her decision to divorce, especially if your pay is equal! I hope your state is similar to ours, not automatically giving custody to the mother, but weighing in all of the factors Good luck and go get 'em!!

[jaguar]

I'm with wolf. He may be scum but a bright ballbreaker and you'll be laughing.

[lookout123]

i had an appraisal done on the home. she wants to keep it and give me a fraction of what the equity was when we bought it, not even beginning to approach the $$ of equity that was there at the last appraisal done in the fall.

a middle number appraisal done on saturday shows the equity to have increased by no less than $55K since September. my guess is that will cause a fight, because there is no way in hell she can afford a mortgage large enough to give me my share and keep the house. i hate to sell the house - but i don't even want that big of a mortgage.

[footfootfoot]

Lookout,
You need to take her ass to the mat, so to speak. Get a deal so good for yourself it will make headlines. Get teh courts to award her as clsoe to nothing as possible.

Since you are an ok guy, you can always give her more than she is awarded. No one will put your picture on a milk carton for being too good to your ex. On the other hand...

[kerosene]

I just read this thread and I have a little bit of advice...take it, don't take it...whatever you think...but consider some of these points:

It is extremely familiar, in that I could see myself in some of the behaviors your wife exhibitied earlier in the thread and now, I see my husband's exes behaviors in the later parts of the thread...you know, the parts where she is a conniving lunatic? Well, all I can say is make sure your lawyer is sharp. It wouldn't hurt if you got some information from a few of the father's rights organizations. I don't know about Arizona, but here in Colorado, they say joint parenting, but what they really mean is the woman gets what she wants and the man dishes out the $$$. Barring some kind of vulgar crime in her past, it seems there is nothing that can bring down these kinds of bitches, though a kid's father may be obviously more fit a parent. Sick and sad. I saw it all from the sidelines and couldn't contain my anger at how skewed the system is in this way. And her lawyer was a true flunkie.

Savor every moment with your child right now. Don't move out of the house. If you have to, get her to move out first. Don't do anything that could possibly ever be construed as not being able to spend time with your son. Save every conversation you have had and have with your wife (ex, I mean). Write down every time you spend even a few moments with your son. If he ever indicates to you something negative she has said, write it down. Never say anything negative about your wife in front of or within earshot of your son (I know, common sense and you wouldn't do that anyway.) If you have been ordered support on a temporary basis, pay it on time...or early. These are just a few suggestions I have based on the experiences my husband and I had when he was fighting this. By all means...NEVER allow anything about relocating out of state to be included in the decree. A common sleaze tactic some women use is to get a restraining order, so then that gets you away from your son. They are so easy for women to get with minimal or no real proof, especially in a divorce situation, so, beware. I know you haven't probably done anything threatening at all but that doesn't matter to the courts...they always figure "better safe than sorry" with those kinds of things, so you would be left trying to prove your innocence.

Okay, so all that out the way, I am truly sorry this is happening to you. I know a lot of us have experienced similar struggles so we can tell you that things will be so much better in time. It has been about 2 years for my husband and things are quite "normal" these days. It takes a while, yes, but I think in the end you might be glad it happened...it will teach you a few things about yourself.

Oh yeah, and hope beyond all hope that your judge doesn't turn out to be a former criminal defense lawyer and single mother.

[slang]

Originally Posted by case

............ but what they really mean is the woman gets what she wants and the man dishes out the $$$.

Not just CO, nationwide.

You guys want to talk about suppression of civil rights? Talk to half the men in this country that have gone through divorce.

There's your victims.

Financial wage garnishments, siezures of property, legal processes, procedures, and suspiciously near illegal entanglements.

There is ONE office in my home town that has bullet proof glass, ONE. Out of all the possibles, there is only ONE.

Not the banks, municipal buildings....not the schools and not the gas stations.

It's the place where they fuck men out of their money and give it to their ex-wives to spend that on their kids. THAT's the ONLY place that this type of security is needed.

There are thousands of handgun permit holders back home. There is RARELY a problem with them.

People go into banks, businesses and throughout the society and attend to their lives with no troubles.

There in only ONE place that there is no justice or accountability to the male citizen. CPS.

When I rule the planet, the organ donor shortage will be no longer....and neither will this Nazi-ish agency.

[footfootfoot]

Statistic:
only 35% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave their house, whereas 90% of men kiss their houses goodbye when they leave their wife.

In lookout's case it should be the other way around.

Case is dead on when it comes to the RO thing - at least in Colorado. And women can get hit by them too when finances are involved. I don't have the money to hire a lawyer and I got slapped with an RO merely for asking the ax murderer how often he needs to get his diapers changed in front of his adult daughter and new GF who has tons of money to hire a shark to oppose me in court. Watch your step! And document EVERYTHING to the max!

[slang]

Originally Posted by marichiko

.....I don't have the money to hire a lawyer.......

Many of the things that you post here are not what I like to read. That's fine, but I'm seriously wondering Mari....

Have you ever had good luck or fun.....some positive outcome?

If your life is truly as tough and hopeless as you sometimes describe, fine..I'll shut the fuck up and go chase some goats. Is the life of Mari one big long tragedy of one kind or another?

Please tell me...has there been one time that you've made out in this life? Please?

Originally Posted by slang

Many of the things that you post here are not what I like to read. That's fine, but I'm seriously wondering Mari....

Have you ever had good luck or fun.....some positive outcome?

If your life is truly as tough and hopeless as you sometimes describe, fine..I'll shut the fuck up and go chase some goats. Is the life of Mari one big long tragedy of one kind or another?

Please tell me...has there been one time that you've made out in this life? Please?

Well, EXCUSE me, Slang. Getting back on one's feet after a disabling illness is not a picnic, and I'm still pretty poor. If you don't like to read my comment made in passing that I can't afford lawyer's fees, I suggest you put me on ignore and go check "Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm" out of the library.

Yes, the story of my life reads like a Dickens novel. I was born in a poor house, traveled to industrial Colorado Springs where I was taken in by some born-again members of Focus on the Family where I lived in a garret that was freezing in the winter, boiling hot in the summer. Lucky for me, I didn't have to spend much time in the garret since the born-agains found me an 18 hour a day job at 5 cents/hr in the tatting factory where I made intricate embroidered doilies with such teensy little stiches that I lost most of my eyesight by age 22.

The young scion of the family, an insufferable, self righteous bigot, forced his unwanted advances upon me, and as a result, I grew heavy with child and the born-agains threw me out on the streets, calling me a "fallen woman." I gave birth to a child that was still born at the Red Cross Shelter, and after that I passed my time living on the streets and panhandeling coins for gin to numb the pain of my dreary existance.

I fell in with a bad crowd of pick pockets and thieves and was thrown into the criminal justice center's prison ward for ladies of ill repute where I slept on a hard concrete floor and my best friend was a chemist who taught me all she knew about making meth. I was dumped back out on the streets and put my new found knowledge to good use, becoming one of THE top suppliers for the local hell's angels gangs.

Happy, now?

How's THAT for a thread derail?

[slang]

Originally Posted by marichiko

.......Happy, now?.....

Since I've totally hijacked this thread, why not go all the way.

Imagine for just one second that I actually care in that forum sort of way because in that way, I do.

We're polar opposites on most issues and that's fine. I'm not harassing you but asking a serious question that I would think other people might ask themselves about you as well.

I've not ever met someone with as much bad luck as you and I'm sincerely sorry for your string of bad luck....

You told me about the bad....but what I'm asking is if you have ever made out on the winning side of anything?

Have you ever been happy, even if for just one moment?

Get defensive if you like, I'm just asking. Sure I could ignore you, that's easy. I'm just trying to understand you and some of the things that you describe.

There was a time a year or more ago that you were applying for a job. Whether that ever came through or not I dont know...but in a way I was hoping that you did get that job. If nothing more so that something would actually start going your way.

For God's sake I hope they do. You sound like you're in need of some good luck.

There are people out there that are rooting for you, I'm sure.

They're just afraid to out loud because you might accidently kill them not knowing their well wishes

[Brett's Honey]

Fathers do have to fight much harder and are damned lucky if they even end up on equal ground with the mother.
My ex got behind on child support for a year, we didn't keep track of it very closely. When our son was 18, the ex had been clean & sober for a while and paying it, along with giving me cash, a car, a washing machine, etc. The the state upped the interest on back support and his balance started climbing about $100 a month in just interest. When I went to DHS to write off the balance and give him credit for everything not on their records, they discovered they had our son's birthdate right everywhere except on the child support order, and the ex was over charged 10 months of support because of the one place they had his birthdate at 10-8-87 instead of 1-8-87, making him 18 ten months later than he was.
How many other men have been overcharged, and with outrageous interest amounts? If I hadn't made arrangements to write his off, that mistake would've not been caught.

And Lookout - I know you're going through a hellish and personal thing here, but it's been a while since we've heard from you. I know others are wondering how you're doing too......drop us a hello when you can...we know you're hanging in there.....

[Pie]

Since I don't have kids, this question is purely academic to me -- is it even possible to work out your own child support arrangements with your ex, instead of having the state dictate it?

And yes, Lookout, do drop us a line if you have a chance. We're all pullin' for you!

[slang]

Originally Posted by Pie

.... is it even possible to work out your own child support arrangements with your ex, instead of having the state dictate it?

I believe it is possible ( in Pa anyway ) and reasonable that this would happen but is rare because of all the nastiness of the divorce process.

From what I know this is the big stick. The state not only has the power to rough the man up, those offices that administer the "service" for the woman and child are most often staffed by bitter women that have gone through very tough circumstances in divorce and are somehow getting justice for themselves and women at large. These positions pay nearly nothing and in the case of back home, you might find bullets flying at you in a very literal way. Regardless, these are power positions for women that have it out for men in some way and see their role as an equalizer.

There is little respect for men caught in this trap (back home anyway ) and they are always presumed to be the evil scum of the earth lying bastards that deserve the fires of hell regardless of the true situation.

For those men with enough means and money to have legal representation BEFORE the net scoops them up, the experience is slightly less humiliating with the blatant attitude that he is the worst sorts of humans on this planet, but the legal manuvers, garnishments and siezures are very difficult to challenge even with a good lawyer.

It's been a while since I have seen a man have the extreme misfortune of having to go through this and I have not myself gone through this. The situation may be completely different now but I seriously doubt it.