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12-01-2008, 04:12 PM
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#1 |
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Gone and done
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,808
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A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
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per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not. |
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12-01-2008, 06:24 PM
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#2 |
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Constitutional Scholar
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Ocala, FL
Posts: 4,006
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Which reminds me....
Q: What's the difference between a Tea Cup and a Pee Cup? A: A Tea Cup is something you drink out of. A Pee Cup is what the gardener drives.
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"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin |
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12-01-2008, 06:42 PM
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#3 |
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trying hard to be a better person
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
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Why is a Christmas tree better than a man?
It's always erect, Stays up for 12 days and nights, Has cute balls, And even looks good with the lights on!
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
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12-03-2008, 10:21 AM
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#4 |
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To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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My Urologist
My internist referred me to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous. She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy. She told me that I have to stop masturbating. I asked her why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you..."
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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12-03-2008, 11:29 AM
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#5 |
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Gone and done
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,808
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A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bartender here?"
__________________
per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not. |
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12-04-2008, 02:27 PM
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#6 | |
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Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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Quote:
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
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12-04-2008, 03:05 PM
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#7 | |
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dar512 is now Pete Zicato
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Chicago suburb
Posts: 4,968
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Quote:
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"Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller |
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12-04-2008, 03:20 PM
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#8 | |
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To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Quote:
__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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12-04-2008, 03:28 PM
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#9 | |
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Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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Quote:
 I'm sitting here all quizzical faced. I'm mouthing "bart-ender? barten-DER?"Thanks for the help!
__________________
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
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12-03-2008, 01:44 PM
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#10 |
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To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Pie walks into a bar and the bartender says,
"I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."
__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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12-03-2008, 03:39 PM
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#11 |
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dar512 is now Pete Zicato
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Chicago suburb
Posts: 4,968
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A blonde walks into a bar. She's kind of clumsy.
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"Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller |
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12-03-2008, 05:19 PM
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#12 |
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Multiorgasmic and wrapped in plastic
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Central Tennessee
Posts: 483
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A man walks into a bar. His wife sighs and says, "I've been telling him to move that thing for years."
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12-03-2008, 05:34 PM
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#13 |
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lives inside a Mobius strip
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,120
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Descartes walked into a bar. The bartender knows that Descartes caused a lot of trouble last time, so he decided to get rid of him. The bartender asked, "Descartes, do you want a beer?" Descartes replied, "I think not!" - and then he disappeared.
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I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque! - Bugs Bunny |
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12-03-2008, 09:57 PM
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#14 | |
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dar512 is now Pete Zicato
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Chicago suburb
Posts: 4,968
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Quote:
__________________
"Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller |
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12-03-2008, 05:37 PM
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#15 |
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trying hard to be a better person
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
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lol...I think I like that one. I must be!
__________________
Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
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