Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 115

TheMercenary · 03-22-2008, 10:36 AM

UPS Airlines

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
School diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly
routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
Which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident (let hope it stays that way!~TJ)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute Descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

TheMercenary · 03-22-2008, 10:01 PM

Just saw this guy on Comedy Channel. He was great.

Radar · 03-23-2008, 11:20 AM

If you like him, it must mean he sucks. I can see why you like him though. He wraps himself up in the flag just like you and the other nationalists.

TheMercenary · 03-23-2008, 11:36 AM

If you ever run for office again let us know will ya. I know a few 527's that would be very interested in exposing the positions you have displayed on this forum.

Radar · 03-23-2008, 12:25 PM

I openly express my positions on my website and literature, which happen to be shared by the founders, and the majority of actual patriots (non-nationalists) like myself.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-23-2008, 01:18 PM

Take it elsewhere, boys.

BigV · 03-24-2008, 10:03 AM

What, xoB, you don't find their petty poo-flinging humorous?

xoxoxoBruce · 03-24-2008, 01:02 PM

As a matter of fact I do, but this is not the place for it.

Radar · 03-24-2008, 01:48 PM

If it's humorous, and this is a thread for humor, it seems like the right place.

BigV · 03-24-2008, 02:07 PM

You're completely right, of course, xoB. This isn't the first time a thread's been polluted this way. Too bad really. I'll stop being part of the problem now.

Zzzzzziiip!

DanaC · 03-24-2008, 06:30 PM

Mitchell and Webb:

Radar · 03-25-2008, 02:38 PM

Dana, that was funny as hell. I especially love the Jesus "Good Samaritan" one. Very nice.

DanaC · 03-26-2008, 06:48 PM

For guys who are having difficulty meeting the right woman......

and on the subject of cock....

xoxoxoBruce · 03-29-2008, 12:29 AM

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men….that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again…..

The engaged girlfriend said: “The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He saw me he said, “You are the woman of my life, I love you…then we made love all night long.”

The mistress stated: “Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat… he did not say anything…..but we had wild sex all night.”

The married one then said: “The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes….my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says: “Hi Batman, what’s for dinner?”

BrianR · 03-30-2008, 09:46 AM

I take it the married man did NOT spend the night making love?

03-22-2008, 10:36 AM	#1
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	UPS Airlines Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high School diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' Which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident (let hope it stays that way!~TJ) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

03-22-2008, 10:01 PM	#2
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Just saw this guy on Comedy Channel. He was great. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

03-23-2008, 11:20 AM	#3
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	If you like him, it must mean he sucks. I can see why you like him though. He wraps himself up in the flag just like you and the other nationalists. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

03-23-2008, 11:36 AM	#4
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	If you ever run for office again let us know will ya. I know a few 527's that would be very interested in exposing the positions you have displayed on this forum. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

03-23-2008, 12:25 PM	#5
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	I openly express my positions on my website and literature, which happen to be shared by the founders, and the majority of actual patriots (non-nationalists) like myself. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

03-23-2008, 01:18 PM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Humor...I Need Humor... Take it elsewhere, boys. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-24-2008, 10:03 AM	#7
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	What, xoB, you don't find their petty poo-flinging humorous? __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

03-24-2008, 01:02 PM	#8
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	As a matter of fact I do, but this is not the place for it. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-24-2008, 01:48 PM	#9
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	If it's humorous, and this is a thread for humor, it seems like the right place. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

03-24-2008, 02:07 PM	#10
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	You're completely right, of course, xoB. This isn't the first time a thread's been polluted this way. Too bad really. I'll stop being part of the problem now. Zzzzzziiip! __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

03-24-2008, 06:30 PM	#11
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Mitchell and Webb:

03-25-2008, 02:38 PM	#12
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	Dana, that was funny as hell. I especially love the Jesus "Good Samaritan" one. Very nice. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

03-26-2008, 06:48 PM	#13
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	For guys who are having difficulty meeting the right woman...... and on the subject of cock.... Last edited by DanaC; 03-26-2008 at 06:56 PM.

03-29-2008, 12:29 AM	#14
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men….that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes . After a few days they meet again….. The engaged girlfriend said: “The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He saw me he said, “You are the woman of my life, I love you…then we made love all night long.” The mistress stated: “Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat… he did not say anything…..but we had wild sex all night.” The married one then said: “The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes….my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says: “Hi Batman, what’s for dinner?” __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-30-2008, 09:46 AM	#15
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	I take it the married man did NOT spend the night making love? __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

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