Please indulge me...

[infinite monkey]

Thanks everyone. I have so many thoughts/responses for each of you, but I'm under time constraint...on break at night job. So I'll just hit a few highlights.

Of course, I've always been, ahem, emotional but I see this schedule taking its toll. However, the upside is my night job is sometimes very physical, and that's helped. Though...in response to Pico...I don't think my pain is anything but the physical demands of the job coupled with my age. Which, sucks. I'm in way better shape than I was but feel I should be in way better shape than I am. But the score on the board is:

Age: 51
Metabolism: 0

As to the job and references, all your advice has helped me. I have applied for many jobs with the county and haven't gotten them so I think I'm a bit discouraged...and hated to keep asking people for references, which these days you need to have lined up when you apply, not when they request them if they are considering hiring you.

Dana, the job I want to apply for is actually a posted position. I think I would love it. It might be a dream job for me. Since I got so knocked around when I left the first college for the second, money isn't so much an issue anymore. I do need enough to survive, though. I just need to bite the bullet on this one, get my references together, tweak my existing resume and cover letter, and do it.

And life is still pretty good. I have good times. Pico, I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I am like you, though...always with the books and movies. Books mostly on my Friday mornings off, movies after work on Friday and weekends. That part of being alone I don't mind so much.

I think I just get tired of dealing with life alone.

I feel pretty upset about my friend. I felt like "yeah, so the person who knows me better than anyone hates me." Rings true to 'if people really know you they won't like you' mindset I have. It really hurt. Again. So I come here and vent, and I figure out...once again, that I've been myself here more than anywhere else over the years. And here y'all are being supportive. I can't even say what that means to me. There really isn't any way to put it into words. Except thanks.

I needed that.