User renamed and gone

[DanaC]

One of the reasons for not deleting user's posts is because it orphans all the other posts around it. 3 years down the line that thread, which may well still be going, has chunks missing and the posts responding to the missing chunks make little to no sense.

We have threads here that have been ongoing for 10 years.

The gender conversation was fine until the point the focus shifted from what you were saying, to what you said you'd done. You and I had clashed a little in the thread already (nothing I consider too heavy). I wasn't taking any of that personally - it didn't change my opinion of you. I am used to being able to have a robust and even at times aggressive and contentious discussion with someone whose views are the polar opposite of mine and remaing just as friendly with that person outide of that position.

It's funny that you mention Sexobon - because he and I have had somehumdinger rows on here - but I still like him and we still bounce off each other's humour. You are misreading the Cellar if you think Sexobon is generally ignored.

I was very surprised when you decided to leave over this. I was also a little sad about it. Because as is often the case, I wasn't feeling any personal animosity towards you when we were arguing. I was stating my case - and you were stating yours. If things get heavy I am far more inclined to end or leave the conversation than cut ties with the board or even the poster I have been arguing with. There's no reason why a fundamental disagreement in one thing should translate to enmity or disdain across the board. Some of my favourite dwellars are people I have had almighty rows with at times and whose views are the polar opposite of mine in some areas.

The gender thread was, I thought, becoming a very interesting discussion until it twisted into something else. But that can happen sometimes. Sometimes, it becomes about the posters, rather than the original topic. Then again, sometimes it very quickly goes back to being about the topic again.

What you seem to be saying is that the discussions never go very deep - and that we only talk about each other. But this place is full of ongoing discussions about all sorts of issues, from abortion to gun control, from gender inequality to the transgender experience, from particular musical styles to the future of the republican party, from the realities of bringing up children with autism to the situation in the middle east.

The problem was that the conversation did not go where you wished to steer it - that happens. You posted something and people's reactions to it were not what you expected - suddenly the thread stopped being about a discussion of gender in the round and started being a discussion of your approach to gender and the people around you.

I can understand how that might have been both surprising and off-putting. But that is life. If you put yourself out into the world and open up your own thinking on it you expose yourself to other people's responses to that.

[ForFuckSake]

Originally Posted by DanaC

One of the reasons for not deleting user's posts is because it orphans all the other posts around it. 3 years down the line that thread, which may well still be going, has chunks missing and the posts responding to the missing chunks make little to no sense.

Which is why I specified threads which were my own, specifically so that it wouldn't leave cut-out conversations, and I filtered out community oriented threads that took off. Hell, a few of the ones on the list I asked to delete didn't have any responses at all, and the ones that did were still about my own personal issues, and even among those I filtered out threads that ended up including other people's content and personal stories. The forum would have remained largely unchanged.

Originally Posted by DanaC

The gender conversation was fine until the stuff about playing psycho games with unwitting particpants. You and I had clashed a little in it (nothing I consider too heavy). I wasn't taking any o fthat personally - it didn't change my opinion of you.

Yes, but it should. Other aspects of our disagreements might be in part connected to ways in which I changed and my values over the years, "a dark path" - as you called it, but this isn't one of them. Like I just said, it's an essential part of how I interact with the world, it's part of how I think, how I experience interacting with people's minds - more akin to a sense of touch then sight or sound. If you would be revolted and disgusted by it, there is very little in my way of thinking that wouldn't either - The only reason it didn't so far is because you didn't understand it.


My best friend IRL is a hassidic hippy, I have heated disagreements with him about everything for years, and then we go have coffee and a good laugh. But I don't partition conversations into their own little bubbles either - they say what they say about whoever is saying them - as they do in this case.

Originally Posted by DanaC

What you seem to be saying is that the discussions never go very deep - and that we only talk about each other. But this place is full of ongoing discussions about all sorts of issues, from abortion to gun control, from gender inequality to the transgender experience, from particular musical styles to the future of the republican party, from the realities of bringing up children with autism to the situation in the middle east.

Like I said:

Originally Posted by ForFuckSake

Don't get me wrong, you guys engage plenty when its a conversation about someone - whether it's personal life or online drama like here right now - but not when it's about something. Mostly then there's no conversation rolling at all, unless it's something you are already familiar with in which case it becomes a list of disconnected opinions that rarely respond to each other with very little dialogue, with the one exception of politics. But politics is, well... Politics. Established conversations we've all heard a hundred times where everyone knows everyone else's arguments.

The two exceptions you listed are - again - about someone here raising a kid with autism and about someone here going through the transgender experience - are people talking about their own lives. Again, there's nothing wrong with that, but if your going to pretend that they were deep conversations questioning the role of ableism in society or the concept of gender existentialism, that's utter bullshit. Are my personal threads articles about "the reality of marriage and divorce in the 21st century"? Because I've had all 3 of those conversations, they were fascinating conversations. They get informed by personal experience, but they aren't about the person. Unfortunately, they all share the common denominator of never taking place here, and judging by experience and what I've seen so far, if someone did try to start them here they wouldn't go anywhere.